Workplace rumour

Purple Mountain

OP, I echo what others say here, get independent legal advice from a solicitor versed in employment or defamation law.

Keep your head down in work this week, keep sthum.

If anyone brings up the subject, just brush it off.

Don't engage with HR until an independent solicitor has advised you.

They will lay out your options.

2 points I would make..

Are you sure she inferred to the colleagues that the text in the middle of the night might have been something more than about a coat? Ie..could work people have concocted their own interpretation of that?

Also..you never know what someone is like in real life. So instead of thinking she might be a sh1t stirrer or genuinely thinking you were hitting on her, she might have some sort of diagnosed or undiagnosed mental illness..that's why it's best to get independent advice because you don't know what you are up against.

The solicitor may even advise to take no action, who knows, but at least you will be advised.

Best of luck.

daheff

OP,

Thread very carefully here. If she's as crazy as she seems to be, and as high up, God knows what she has said to HR, or may do in the future. I'd definitely be getting legal advice.

I'd also be getting my CV dusted off and looking for a new job.

Finally (and most importantly), I'd be talking to your missus and showing her all the messages and explaining what's happened and what you are going to do to protect you, her and your marriage from this person.

gameoverdude

Agreed. Marriage first, job second. As above dust off the cv.

I don't know you, but from your messages you seem an honest type of chap. Weather it and look after yourself.

I'm not a revenge type of person, but you got plenty of ammo. The world is a small place.

Bring your wife to the solicitor too. Hopefully she kept the conversation between them? Especially the message where she:

Anyway she admitted to my wife that at no point did I try and chat to her or anything else ‘creepy’ other than the late night message.

After admitting that to your wife, the fact that she then didn't drop it, but instead brought it up with people you work with, is very off.

Wabbit Ears

Id arrange a meeting with HR with a solicitor and a union rep if unionized specifically on the sole issue of her contacting your wife.

The fact you texted her is largely irrelevant, you said nothing inappropriate and can prove that. He spreading rumors is also largely irrelevant.

Her contacting your wife is massively inappropriate and inexcusable. This is the focus of the complaint.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118815939#Comment_118815939

Actually never thought of that. Two birds with one stone.

It seems innocent enough.

Worse things done to me (as in somebody swung at me on a night out...a lot less severe than an Instagram like of course), I just pulled them aside on the Monday and my god how sheepish they looked! Grand.

In saying the above in a slightly jocular fashion, it won't work in this situation.

It does sound like a sh¹t stirrer. Solicitor advice would be recommended and keep your powder dry. Your relationship is number 1.

Mad_maxx

It's quite possible this female senior position holder might be willing to fabricate stories about you should you decide to report .

A guy finding himself in a feud with a female superior is never a good place to be, management are very shy to take a strong position against female employees for fear of the misogyny card being played

I'd resign

gameoverdude

I certainly wouldn't resign. Dust off the cv at a minimum.

0ph0rce0

Been with loads of MN companies, Every night out every man and woman were banging, married or not. Jacket??? hahaha the only reason you started adding her was to bang her and you know it. Nobody adds you on facebook then starts on the insta. Don't believe the jacket story for a second.

Caught rapid.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod note

@0ph0rce0 - offer constructive advice to an OP when replying to their thread in PI/RI.

Please read the Charter before posting again.

Thanks

HS

MikeJC

Thank you for all the response. It’s very much appreciated

One of my close friends/colleagues told me about it, so I’m not sure exactly who knows so I don’t even know how to address it without making a big announcement. 

I only met her for the first time at the initial company meeting  2 years ago, the only interaction we had was a hello, not even a conversation. I then had that deleted friend request and message after.

The strangest part of all of it is, if she felt I was being inappropriate then why accept the friend request and follow back or like any of my photos. There was only the odd like by both of us, and then that message asking did you leave your jacket in reception area, nothing else. It doesn’t make sense. I’d understand if I was sending inessant messages or sent an inappropriate message

I’m so confused as to what to do as I really love my job, it’s not more important than my marriage but I can’t understand how I’m in this situation

MikeJC

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118816275#Comment_118816275

Fair enough as at a previous company it was very common for people to get together. Not so much at my current employer, at least not publicly or that I’m aware of.

She was the one who initially added me on Facebook and sent a message. I never found out what that was about.

The message was re a jacket and my close friend and a few others were there when a receptionist was asking us who owned it. The problem is I don’t know who knows this story but I know the context is I messaged in ‘the middle of the night’

Purple Mountain

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118817016#Comment_118817016

Like I said, OP you don't know what you're dealing with.

An over anxious woman? A sh1t stirrer? Someone who mental health issues? A man hater?

You'll never know her motives.

skallywag

You have my sympathy OP, this woman is clearly a vindictive crackpot who is best kept well away from.

One thing does occur to me, if you had contacted her using your work messaging system (assuming you have one, such as Teams, etc.) do you think that she would reacted the same way? Maybe just a tip for the future, might seem 'more professional' and less open to the 'oh it's insta so he wants to shag me' nonsense.

I have a sneaking suspicion that she was the one who was interested in you, starting 2 years ago, when she made that initial Facebook friend request, which she then quickly rethought. (Probably found out you were married.)

I don't understand why she thinks a text at 11:30pm about a jacket was "the middle of the night" (late, yes, but not middle of the night) or what was somehow inappropriate about it, but suspect she is a bit of a narcissist who read something into it that wasn't there. (Which doesn't excuse anything she did afterwards.)

spaceHopper

@MikeJC, get a lawyer and talk to them, it will cost you an initial couple of 100 euros but it will be money well spent. If you are a member of union they may offer free legal advice. Your health insurance may also have a free advice line. But your own lawyer is better. This may die off but it is better to be ahead of it than behind. If you stay in the company you will probably see her again.

Let's say you get called to a HR meeting. OK but can we put it off till x so that my lawyer can attend. All hell will break out. Your lawyer attends does the talking, so HR have you read or asked to read the message? .... Are you aware she contacted his wife...

foxsake

If some woman contacted my wife in the manner you describe I'd lodge a complaint no questions. No job is worth your marriage. no matter how senior she is. I'd go to HR -lodge a complaint and see a solicitor.

If you are forced out it'll be with a decent payoff - solicitor can negotiate that and a clean reference.

otherwise you can take legal action.

You are clearly upset enough to post here - why let her away with doing that to you?

Purple Mountain

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118819775#Comment_118819775

Agree but get solicitor first.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118819775#Comment_118819775

Completely agree with this.

I was thinking about this today, OP, and it occurred to me that if you wife had posted a thread seeking advice because a woman from her husband's job had contacted her saying she was concerned about her husband sending inapproriate messages, "in the middle of the night" and "I think you should know," can you imagine what advice she would be given? 😮

At minimum, even if this goes no further than HR, this person needs to be made aware that her actions in contacting your wife could very easily have destroyed your marriage. That is not okay. Thankfully you could give your side to your wife, and hopefully things are okay between you. The next guy might not be so lucky.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118821085#Comment_118821085

That says more about this forum than the actual issue though. And I do agree with you here.

And as stated earlier this is unlikely the first and only altercation of this kind, though HR would obviously not disclose anything in any case.

Bicyclette

This seems like a form of harassment or bullying in the workplace. And your employers have a vicarious duty of care towards you. Make contact with a law firm that specialises in Employment Law. Workplace Relations may also be able to help you.

thegetawaycar

Jaysus, she sounds like a complete bitch.

Get a solicitor before going to HR, get your ducks in a row and be prepared to look for another job (probably with a few extra quid in your pocket).

Alternatively, If you have smoothed things over with the wife then maybe have the wife ask her why she contacted her and was she looking to break up your marriage, that having seen the message was asking about a jacket that you also sent to other colleagues it seemed very unprofessional to be contacting a colleagues wife.

This bitch clearly wants people to believe you were chasing her for a bang, whether right or wrong but no harm at least having her know in her own head that it's bullshit and she wasn't getting special treatment.

Augme

OP be very careful about going to HR. You won't win that battle tbh. Contact a solicitor and talk through the options but chances are they will just tell you to ignore and see if something else happens or to look for a new job and get out early with a clean start.

Liberty_Bear

Vexatious complaints should be covered by your grievance procedures as well in work. Casting aspersions on someones character and defaming them are grounds for her dismissal

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118867230#Comment_118867230

While I agree with you to certain extent, this person won't be sacked.

An apology would be nice, but next to useless. You'll have the usuals saying no smoke without fire.

Job hunt and get a reference.

In saying all the above, and I'm not a callous person, revenge is a dish best served cold.

Liberty_Bear

It is , if revenge is even an option!

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118867372#Comment_118867372

I myself would prefer not to go there, but on seldom occasions...

SnuggyBear

I don't think there's anything you can do here. Carry on working or leave is the only option in my opinion. Going to HR will change nothing.

I don't trust anyone and never text anyone at work and this is a reason why.