Starting a family at 42 - am I too old?

Irishincognito

Hi, I will soon turn 42 and I have no partner or family. But I would love to have both.

10 years ago I was diagnosed with HIV, which I have kept to myself. I also completely stopped dating for fear of having to disclose my status.

So I just keep busy with work, stay fit and keep to myself mostly. I am happy, healthy and because of the medication I take the HIV is undetectable, which means it cannot be passed on.

I think I'd be an excellent dad and husband, and I would love to find someone to start a relationship with, get married, raise a family together. However, I feel I may be a little too old now? I'm a sociable person by nature, but I spend most of my time on my own, and it seems likely I may be in for a future of flying solo.

Atlantic Dawn

You would have them through school before retiring from work, not much more as a parent you need to provide for them after that.

My Mum was 41 when she had me. She lived in fairly good health until her death ged 89 due to a hospital acquired infection after she was admitted for management of a vertebra collapse due to osteoporosis. I had a great upbringing. My Dad was 2 years younger. They both had relationships before and during their friendship, but decided to get married. My mother was not very maternal by instinct, so it was not a young priority with her, but she absolutely loved me to pieces, as did my father.

You can’t really conduct life as an ideal, but it might be an idea if your partner were somewhat younger, just to ensure continuity of parenthood in the event of a sickness or bereavement. That said, an older person can be much healthier than a younger person and live way longer, that’s the irony of life.

We are all living longer. An older parent has seen a lot of life and can share tons of wisdom and fascinating anecdotes on life spanning back a bit. I used to looove my mother’s tales, I thrived on them.

If you are seeking to be a parent make this abundantly clear on dating websites, because you will find like-minded potential partners.

I’m sure you would make a wonderful parent.

Gusser09

Kids are hard work but i wouldnt consider 42 too old. You would need to disclose your HIV status. That might well be a deal breaker for a lot of women though unfortunately and something you may need to consider should you get ill. I had my kids in my 20's. I see my brother now at 40 with 2 under 3 years old and yeh its hard when you are a little older.

Pawwed Rig

The main problem is you are 42 now and single. You will need to be looking for women at early to mid 30s at the oldest and get cracking to have a kid before you are 45. You cannot afford to choose badly here as years could be wasted. Not too much good advice for you really other than to get on the dating apps pronto.

I had my youngest at 40 and honestly I wish I had done it earlier.

unkel

You're not too old. You're only 42, that's young! Now of course a lot else depends on what I just said. How are you, how do you feel, how "young" are you? Some 42 year olds look and feel like they are 65, some like they are 26. How are you financially? You can't start a family on your own, what is your plan to find a mother to your children?

I don't mean to pry, but how did you contract HIV? It's extremely unlikely for a heterosexual male non drug user without medical issues to get HIV, even if you did not have safe sex. You must disclose this at the first opportunity of contacting a member of the other gender. I suspect it will turn 99% of them off, you will have to deal with that harsh reality.

Irishincognito

Hi all who replied. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. I am only coming back to this post now as I was afraid to open, as I was assuming the worst on the replies I may get, but I'm really, really pleasantly surprised and grateful for the time you each took to comment - it means a lot.

My situation remains the same since I posted in May. I've been working a lot lately, but all is good - I'm optimistic ; )

walterking

Not old even at 52 - so plenty of life left in you

If you are serious about a relationship then be open to someone who already has a child.