Changing views from your parents ... what was the point?

Ray Palmer

Most of the people I know have had a point where they just started to think differently to their parents. To the point I just think it is natural. What was the point that you realized your parents weren't always right and your disagreed with their point of view?

To me it was when my mother gave my uncle another drink before he drove home and was obviously pissed. He had already had hit a person while drunk driving before. I was about 10 and it was the early 80s so a bit different. My mam never drank so I get now she didn't understand but I was appalled as a child and was waiting to hear they arrived safely home .

It was just the start but over time I know my mother's views just don't match mine but fundamentally we agree in watching out for others.

Ubbquittious

There are plenty voting for Fianna Gael because their father and grandfather did. So for many the point is never reached

Jequ0n

“He had already had hit a person while drunk driving before. I was about 10 and it was the early 80s so a bit different. My mam never drank so I get now she didn't understand”

Unless your mother is somewhat mentally challenged there is no reason why she wouldn’t have understood the effects of alcohol, especially as a non drinker.

For me it was probably when I saw my mother flee the house because my father beat her up, only to return a few days later and pretend nothing had happened. Not to mention that she used me as a shield that evening, and always insisted that she hadn’t had another choice. Coward(s).

Ray Palmer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119044596#Comment_119044596

No she is completely clueless on alcohol and was just doing the "good host" thing. Drinking a glass of wine is the same as drinking a whole bottle to her. It was also a time when many people used to drink drive and think nothing of it.

TooTired123

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119044596#Comment_119044596

I can’t explain it now but in the early 80s in rural Ireland there was no such thing as “drunk driving” it just wasn’t an issue that anyone was concerned about. As teenage girls we got in and out of cars driven by fellas who’d had a rake of pints and we weren’t concerned about being in an accident, anyone being hit or being stopped by the Garda.

Fr Tod Umptious

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119047259#Comment_119047259

Absolutely true

And it was not confined to rural Ireland either.

Our whole concept of alcohol consumption was different back then.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119044055#Comment_119044055

Presumably you come from a family where women never voted.

victor8600

deleted oot

TooTired123

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119047576#Comment_119047576

I was 16 in 81 and my boyfriend was 20 (I don’t think that would be ok now either but was completely unremarkable at the time). On a Friday night he would drive into Thurles around 8, drink maybe 4 pints of lager in Hayses bar, leave there around 10 and drive to my house to pick me up, drive us back to Hayses, drink 4 more pints till the disco was over at 2am before driving me home, then drive home himself.

Ubbquittious

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119047800#Comment_119047800

You lived the good life, one that the crowd who are growing up now will be prevented from living.

TooTired123

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119047887#Comment_119047887

What makes me laugh is when I read now about how miserable and dull 80s rural Ireland is supposed to have been when in actual fact we were as wild and free as the birds in the sky.

I can only assume this stuff is written by people who weren’t actually here. There were no rules really. The main thing is that if you f**ked up then you had to take the responsibility for that yourself. And suffer the consequences. Oh well. Happy days. Sitting at the bar in Brennans pub. Drinking a bottle of Merrydown cider and smoking a fag. On a Sunday afternoon.

Oops!

Those days are well gone alright, apart from the sitting in Brennan's for a pint bit.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119047259#Comment_119047259

I don’t dispute that it didn’t happen. I disputed that people didn’t know or understand that it carried an additional risk. I have no issue with anyone claiming it wasn’t seen as an issue.

TooTired123

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119048523#Comment_119048523

Were you there yourself?

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119049014#Comment_119049014

I was chauffeured around by one drunk parent who knew they shouldn’t have been driving but were happy they got away with it. Does this count?

I can’t see why I things would have been different in Ireland unless you are telling me people genuinely didn’t comprehend this.

TooTired123

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119049048#Comment_119049048

Young people now snort cocaine and pop pills and it’s totally normal for them. It never occurs to them that there’s any risk. It’s what everyone does every weekend.

That was the same for your parent. You were frightened because you were aware of a drink driving related incident where someone got hurt.

That’s sad for a kid.

Your parent was really just doing what everyone did at the time.

Main thing is that we know better now so we do better.

goldenmick

Getting back to the thread topic, I think everyone's views change from their parents at some stage or other. It's called growing up, and fashioning your own independent outlook and views on life and the world in general. For most that starts in the teenager years.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119049116#Comment_119049116

I wasn’t frightened because I didn’t know what was going on.

Your post just confirms that it was simply the norm vs people just not knowing better, at least.

Anyway, let’s agree to disagree because I don’t want to derail the thread further.

chrissb8

My Mom not so much, so relaxed and live and let live. She never has too strong opinions about anything to the point of not being able to see it from another person's view.

My Dad as much as I love him is the one I butt heads with. My view on life and how to live it couldn't be any more different than his. His view is that you fall in line, and do the work, even if you hate it. Get the job, get the wife, get the house, have a kid and then you have achieved success in life. Even if you don't like it, that's what you do.

Needless to say, we had many an argument over that in my adolescence and it will never probably be any different.

However, I do think as you get older you do take on some of their views more. I've come around to the having security in one's life is important as to not always be stressing out and being hand to mouth. So you can live unburdened of the typical serious stresses. Even then I don't care for owning a house and would be happy to rent if it was actually done right here.

But the whole wife and kids thing.....no I just don't care or mind if it happens. I've just learned I love my own company and my Dad is not capable of being in his own company, this he even said himself.

ThePentagon

My opinions on things in general drifted from those of my parents when I was in my late teens and twenties. It was probably a period of youthful independence/rebelliousness and idealism that I was experiencing and my parents seemed quite old fashioned at the time. Ironically, now in my thirties, my worldview has, in many ways, boomeranged back to something quite similar to my parents. A lot of notions one has in one's twenties (e.g. elements of left-wing politics) seem more like fanciful BS the more you mature (in my experience, anyhow).

Ray Palmer

I am surprised how many people say the are now going to their parents views. I admit my mother had some good advice I ignored but her reasoning and views are still far removed. Her view was get an education then job in the public service or a bank then marry and have kids, buying a house along the way. She saw no other way to live and be secure. Dropped out of college moved in with my girlfriend and got a job which lead to me working in IT. Years of experience outweighs a degree and I get paid well and take lots of time off. No kids never wanted them and got married bought a house. She still sees me as in a risky position because I am a contractor and work for myself in a way. She eventually just put aside her views but for years she pestered me about having kids to the point we nearly stopped talking. Every conversation ended up with her asking when were we having kids. Just had to stop the conversation and leave/hang up when she mentioned it before she stopped and it took 6 months.

She is very sexist towards men, in that men can't do certain things and equally can only do certain things and women can't. She is old school even for her generation but also very liberal in her views on rights. She can't hide her disappointment that she has so few grandkids as my brother is gay and only my sister had kids.

veryangryman

Marty Morrissey taught his 90 year old mother to drive, she then crashed and died.

You can't teach common sense by the sound of things.

I remember finding some website called alternet when I was a fairly young and it influenced my opinions a good bit, and I guess those would have been different to my parents. Maybe say 14.

Becoming more like them again now in my 30s.