Help a lady out please

83hamilton

Multiple similar interests @[Deleted User]. It hasn't progressed beyond a few dates, a lot of contact in between and snogs on dates but when you put it like that, I haven't lost anything. I just wanted it to be more. I really enjoyed his company, genuinely.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119422123#Comment_119422123

I wouldn’t read to much in to it. Sounds like he had a long day. His work might be stressful.

You could arrange to meet him again and make a call on it then.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119422123#Comment_119422123

Is a platonic relationship a possibility? If you want more it might be time for you to communicate that. I wouldn’t use the word confront, but it’s an insight into your feelings.

83hamilton

@[Deleted User] we were at a social event, it wasn't work related.

@[Deleted User] I guess I'm not looking for platonic as I do have feelings for him. I think pride is getting in my way too a bit - I think there needs to be a conversation for sure but I find it hard to put myself in the way of a conversation when I feel put on the long finger a bit. It feels like the opposite of how a relationship normally starts.

Sprog

No it wouldn't be weird to send him one text, don't get too hung up if he doesn't reply but you'll never know otherwise!

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119422156#Comment_119422156

I know but I thought he said he had a long day

Jafin

You have been dancing around each other for a few months now. I don't think an honest conversation is out of order at this point. Arrange to meet him, lay out how you're feeling and what you want and see what he says. Communication solves a lot. Either way you will have an answer and it will be a lot better than overthinking and worrying about everything.

cezanne

Read through all the advice on here and your reservations, my absolute advice go back to Bumble let him slide hes not into a relationship, likes an odd snog dinner & a drink but not anything thats obligatory. Move on, tick him off as a nice snog & a few dates but no potential. iIts very intense for you and not worth it at all. He will give you wrinkles wondering, a keen guy is keen and attentive. This guy well he is casual, a **** buddy at best but with the intensity you have with texting dont have sex with a guy like this as they have sex when ever & whereever with whomever they like. You are sensitive and dont need this abuse. Back to bumble look for a new one.

83hamilton

Thanks @Jafin, I guess I'd been hoping to have that conversation this weekend and had built myself up to it so it was more disappointing to know we were in the same area and meeting wasn't on the cards.

@cezanne - I'm leaning more towards what you are saying to be honest. I don't need the head melt of it all. Even if I did have the conversation, I don't think it will amount to anything more than another few weeks of the same crap. The chemistry is great but I'm not sure it's worth the effort.

cezanne

Remember chemistry is usually hormones ! back on bumble young woman and cast your net wide & far ! There are still some excellent prime fish in the sea not all are farmed and full of lice ! :) Good luck

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119424624#Comment_119424624

Don’t touch bumble . You like this dude. He was tired at an event you were both at. Give the dude a chance if it doesn’t work out move on. Hard to make a connection, be direct, if he recoils move on

alibab

Ok I have read the whole thread and personally I would find this situation head wreaking . I would call him out and see what happens as you have nothing to lose . What he is doing is just giving you enough to keep you interested and available but really making zero effort at the same time . If a guy wants to see you then you will know as the old saying goes and this guy is not making a effort .

I had this recently but I didn’t get invested as recognized it early . The usual not much txting communication and the weekly days in there terms . I decided ok it suits me now but I will keep my options open so I downloaded bumble again and sure he was still in it despite saying otherwise.

in the end I just called it for what it was and persevered some dignity and ended what we had which wasn’t much to be honest . I felt relief and a weight was lifted and I took control of it . I did so in a nice txt but was clear etc and my instincts were correct . Our instincts usually are correct we should listen to them .

so my advice take control and txt with a specific date and type of date and a commitment of well are you on for it . His reaction will tell you what you need to know and go from there .

YellowLead

It sounds like he dips in and out when it suits him - ie likely when he has no other dates lined up, then great you are available to him.

I’d just end it or - basically don’t contact him first, if he reaches out be less available. If he makes a massive consistent effort and you really like him then chat to him as suggested and see, but it sounds like it’s going nowhere unfortunately.

misssunshine36

I would leave it, if I were you. I think this fella is just going to wreck your head even more, and possibly dating other people, which could be why he seems to be unavailable/not showing up. Had years of this type of experience, and realised a long time ago that if someone really wants to date etc, there is no confusion, and it made it so much easier for me to move on. I eventually met my now partner, and there were no games etc. When we met, I really had no time for games, as I was very happy single. Luckily we both wanted the same thing and it all worked out. I'm sure you will meet someone else, where there will be no games/confusion, and you'll look back on this, and laugh about it. You deserve more than what is happening now

laoisgem

My head is wrecked just reading this thread.

The beginning of any relationship is supposed to be the honeymoon phase. This is the divorce phase.

My advice is, sort out your anxiety and don't get into a relationship until then.

83hamilton

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119426431#Comment_119426431

Thanks @alibab, I do feel he is being lazy and throwing breadcrumbs. However, I've been on Bumble all this time as well. I've only messaged one other guy, and that was at the last stage when I thought we wouldn't meet again. If I match with someone on Bumble, I assume they are dating others (like myself) until such times as there is a conversation about it. So that in itself for me is not an issue. I'm reluctant to ask him to meet again as that's what I've done up to now. When I step back to see if he'll step up, he doesn't.

I am considering calling him out in a text message and telling him that while I had fun, I'm looking for a relationship and I don't feel we are on the same page so I'm moving on.

83hamilton

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119426783#Comment_119426783

Thanks @YellowLead. He genuinely has been busy in between - he usually tells me where he is and with who, even though I haven't ever asked to be fair.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119429472#Comment_119429472

I think that’s for the best to put your mind at rest. If he was smitten he’d make time. This always busy craic is BS. Besides, if it became a relationship how is he suddenly not going to become busy?!

83hamilton

Sent closure text, called him out on his hot and cold behavior. Told him I wanted a relationship with more consistency and that I didn't feel we were on the same page but I hoped we could still be friends.

He got back to me to apologise - he bumped into an ex, who was in the group he was hanging out with over the weekend and didn't want the awkwardness of us meeting so he slowed contact. He apologised for poorly handling things and for the confusion. And that he couldn't offer more consistency being so busy - the distance is an issue. Unfortunately friends is all we can be.

Sad, but time to move on. Thanks so much for the advice guys- this has been headwrecking but I think if I had put my cards on the table a lot sooner about what I want, I could have brought an end to the situation sooner. Lesson learned.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119437486#Comment_119437486

Well done. "Bumped into ex" can be read as arranged a meeting with ex. You are well rid. Good luck.