Am I being irrational??

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119142072#Comment_119142072

OP I do not really have an opinion on your feelings here either way and most other posters have given you loads so I doubt it is useful for me to add mine anyway.

But I will give you something else which is a description of my situation. I have the exact opposite situation from you with two of my siblings and a couple of other close relatives. You said in the OP that this brother did not make the "effort". Yet he showed up with two kids while his wife was at home sick. You also mention in this post how they come around for dinner - though without a wine bottle in hand or whatever.

The siblings and relatives I mention never make any effort to show up - communicate or call. Though we do for them. On certain events they might send a card with money in it to my kids - or send over a bottle of wine. But they never make any effort to actually show up - get to know the kids - or go to the effort of getting their kids to mix with ours. Which is a shame as the kids really appear to like each other a lot and always seem to wonder why they can't see each other more.

So while I can not comment on your feelings or reactions to not getting a card for communion - I can comment on my feelings. And my feeling is that I would much rather your situation with your sibling/inlaws than the situation I have with mine. I have a good number of friends and get on with most of my family. But it is clear this small number do not want to know me or make any effort. And I suffer for that. My kids suffer for that. Their kids suffer for that. If they showed up without a single card in their hand or a single bottle of wine - I would be more thankful than you can imagine and the lack of monetary gesture would not occur to me at all.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119141745#Comment_119141745

I know your's was a rhetorical question here and probably was not intended to actually be answered. But all the same - while I notice that kids of course do love getting a gift or even money on a day like a Birthday or Christmas and so on - it is generally not where their buzz or joy or good memories or excitement comes from. And generally if I ask my kids - or the kids of others close to me - what they remember about some previous birthday or Christmas it is literally never a list of the presents or cash they got that they answer me with.

Rather what really brings them happiness, joy and actual memories is your time. Or being made center of attention. I have seen kids get a stack of expensive presents and cash and all sorts - but what they end up doing is taking the cheapest little board game from the pile of presents and looking for their parents, aunts, uncles and so forth to play it with them.

And if I set up some exciting or unique game or activity or event at a birthday or Christmas or other such occasion and then ask them a year or more later what they remember most about that Birthday or special day - they do not list their gifts or the cash they got or what kind of cake they had - but the exciting interaction or event or game that had everyone investing their time with that child. It's who was there and what they all ended up doing together.

I as an adult too barely remember any gift I ever got on any birthday or Christmas or occasion. But I very clearly remember who was there and when. Who showed up. What pulling Christmas crackers with them was like. What running around the garden with them playing games was like. One gift I do remember was a (now dead) Uncle who bought me a Casio Keyboard. I remember it not because of the gift though. But because he stayed for the full 2 weeks of christmas and every single day without fail he spent 1 hour in the morning and 1 hour in the evening teaching me to play it. To this day my fondest Christmas memory.

Sure kids will enjoy a new toy or gadget or a bit of cash. What kid wouldn't. But what actually seems to make kids happy more than anything is the gift of your time, presence, and attention. And conversely I do see the sadness and disappointment in some kids at events like Christmas when they try to get that time with their parents or relatives and they are sent away to "play with all those toys we got you and stop bothering us".

My own kids barely get any gifts at Christmas and we never did the "Santa" thing. What they do get is our time almost entirely and completely focused on them for days. Games. Activities. Traditions. Decorations. Projects. Jigsaws. Design. Walks. Performances. Dressing up and make up. Singing. Dancing. Baking. Cooking. Togetherness. And I doubt they could be or look happier. And I doubt I could either.

dontmindme

OP you're after more or less implying that your brother doesn't give cards for First Communion or for birthdays or whatever. Your other daughter only gets birthday cards as she's your sister-in-law's Godchild. Surely this is the reason no card was given in this instance. As you said yourself, your daughter thinks nothing of it and wasn't expecting anything at all and she must be already aware that she never gets a birthday card from them.

chooseusername

"My daughter made her First Holy Communion last week."

"First Holy Communion" A Christian ceremony, like Baptisms, Confirmations and Weddings,

has become a vulgar money and gift dominated party.

OP, is this the same brother who had a buffet for his wedding.

How much did you put in that card, and did you feel short changed when you discovered it was only a buffet?

Duwek

Lol!

No, a different brother! Don't worry, I looked after them well for their wedding