Replacing car

dleedlee

Hi,

my husband has indicated several times over the years he is not happy and would like to separate -he came up with what seemed a clear proposal that indicated a fair bit of thought had gone into it a year ago .

I finally thought I’m not happy either maybe we are better off apart … and agreed - I felt there were too many mind games - also - I noticed he was t contributing much to the house - kept most of earnings in his business - avoids payment for school fees etc …

he then decides he loves me - life is great but he wants to continue with status quo is living on his terms / holiday with pals / v slow to include me in anything that costs money .. he is now far more civil - but mind games feel worse …- now his “ business is gone “ he was driving our family car when it went on fire - with kids in it - it is possible he misfueled he vaguely alludes to this ) .

the insurance has paid out finally - but my head is wrecked … he cycles everywhere - even 50 miles to work and has been doing this a year or more…. Hence unavailable for shopping / kids emergencies - so being reduced to one car suits him… it’s 8 years old but v smelly whatever’s he did to it ( mould / wet clothes etc ) / debts and holes in it …

he keeps telling me buy the car I want …but I don’t want to go beyond budget - he has a really good excuse for every car I find … ie should go electric rather than petrol / diesal - but then few electrics available …says I should only buy local for servicing / problems etc / then says only electric available locally is overpriced ( it is ) ….

he really wants me to delay until Jan to get car …

school/ college fees will be due before then … most likely to be paid from this insurance money … we are due to separate - he wants to negotiate it ourselves … I’m delaying until kids finished LC …but my head is fried - I think I need a car asap as he has a habit of vanishing - and I feel very controlled

help

Call me cyncial. I would not invest in an expensive joint asset like a new car with a separation pending.

He could turn around and claim in the separation that he needs the car for his commute, and that he only cycled while the insurance claim was pending.

Put the money from the insurance in the credit union.

dleedlee

I i was thinking the money has to be shared anyway …. It’s not mine alone - but if used for college fees - I’ll have no car and no money in a few months ?? Does that make sense ?

CreadanLady

An 8 year old car is not end of life by any means. If there is a smell in it, then clean it out and get the floor and seats steam cleaned.

Dents do not affect the usability of a car.

Sounds more like you want a new car for vanity reasons than for reasons of practical necessity.

BronsonTB

'we are due to separate - he wants to negotiate it ourselves'

Don't change anything, until you have an agreement (Stamped by both your solicitors)

Even then he can still renege on anything agreed. Nothing is formal until you get that divorce in court!

Tuff road ahead & signing your name to anything should be well thought out from this point onwards (Car loan etc)

Re the car - Probably best to start a new thread in the motors section. But, no need to go into the back story.

Need to buy a car, this is my budget.

Re the rest of it - your man sounds like he''s going through a mid life crises. I've a feeling the fantasy of being single will soon wear off for him. Is he juvenile in other areas?

As for cycling 50 miles to work... that's borderline mental health issue, imho.