Can Men suffer from Post Natal Depression?

OK this might sound like a stupid question but can men suffer from post natal depression. My partner gave birth to our beautiful son a few months ago. He is both our first child. We are both obsessed with him. He has been brilliant since he was born. Sleeps great night and day so we cant complain. But sometimes he has little fits of crying which has happened a few times and I find myself getting frustrated with him where I would tell him to shut up. I have never told him to shut up in front of my partner. I can get quiet upset with myself over this for a few days. It happened again today and I am upset writing this now. I would never bring any harm to my son. I dont know if i need to speak to a doctor over this. Any advice would be great

afatbollix

Dad to a 19-month-old, Look you are learning things we all have our issues. It's frustrating! Probably for both of you.

They want to tell you something and they can't just tell you and for the first little while all the crys are the same until they learn to change the cry for different reasons. We all have those moments but the best thing to do is just walk away, They won't be going anywhere. Ask your partner to take over or put them on the floor and take a minute the other side of the room and try again. You can go back in and try again.

I wouldn't go to your doctor yet I would actually talk to your partner, Talk about why you snapped, They might go ya they do that all the time and it annoys me too! But try putting such and such in with them and they settle down. Myself and my partner talk about the good moments but also the bad moments.

Our own one knows a couple of words at the moment. Her first words were Daddy but about 3 weeks later all she could say was Mammy for about 3 months so i became Mammy everywhere we went! It drove me up the wall and it was on the agenda for our chats of what she did today that made us laugh smile or get cross with.

As they say it will get easier, If you know some other dads reach out to them, Meet up and just chat about it all.

Danzy

Certainly,yes.

It's a big change, life changing, amazing, exhausting.

Lack of sleep alone is going to do it.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119181889#Comment_119181889

Appreciate the feed back. 99.9% of the time has been amazing with him. Its just when he starts getting into these little fits it frustrates me but maybe that's because I am a first time dad and I will eventually get use to it. As you said there could be something wrong with him and he cant tell me. He could have a little tummy pain after his feed or something else. I am sure I will get use to his cries over the next few weeks and months

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119181901#Comment_119181901

I can't blame lack of sleep because he is sleeping 6-8 hours a night. As you said its life changing and I will get use to it

Danzy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119181920#Comment_119181920

Look its a big change, people are told loads of shi7 these days as well z like it is going to always be great, fun and happy.

It's hard, you are beating yourself up too much. You are doing your best, you have spotted a problem and you are working on it.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119181928#Comment_119181928

Yes its a big change but its all for the good. Its going to be hard work but I am going to try and enjoy every minute of it. If I get frustrated again I will chat to my partner. No point holding it in

shesty

https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220601-male-postnatal-depression-why-men-struggle-in-silence

Only read this the other day.

Yes they can.

Mum to 3 kids here. I'd be lying if I said all sorts wasn't muttered by both of us the odd time when in the throes of the newborn phase.

Parenting is hard.HARD.And unfortunately, as they get bigger you can find yourself biting your tongue so hard to not tell them to eff off!!!(as the cheek is given back to you).Speak to your partner. If you find that too tough, speak to your GP.Because it is a thing and while you may not have it, I can tell you now that a parent needs to take of themselves first, to be the best parent they can.So please ask for help - or even just unburden your mind about it -if you feel you need to.We are only human but women are much better at the talking in order to cope, than men are.And parenting is not a shiny happy exercise every minute of the day, so don't beat yourself up over finding it tough at times.

SmallgirlBigcity

Men can absolutely suffer from post natal depression and I think it's probably more common than we realise.

Myself and my partner found the first year very tough. And like you, we had an amazing baby who was very calm and slept great. I think it's normal for newborns to have the fits of crying like that in the first while. The only thing that helped us with the hours of crying at the start were walking him in the pram, even in the middle of the night, and white noise. White noise is amazing! We ordered a white noise machine from Amazon but you can also find videos of it on YouTube.

The biggest challenge we faced after having our son was the fact that our lives had changed so much. Nothing can prepare you for how tough it is. And we have an incredible child. We absolutely adore him and he's a little dream. But it's hard isn't it!

Keep talking with your partner, it does help. But don't hesitate to get some counselling or chat to your doctor either. There's no shame in it. I wish I'd gotten more help myself. If you find yourself getting frustrated with the crying, like before,and are worried about telling him to shut up, don't be afraid to step outside for a minute and take some deep breaths. Or ask someone you trust to take over, even just for 20 mins. Best of luck.

Tombo2001

You should look at it in practical terms - if you are sleep deprived and/or stressed you are more likely to become depressed and in many/most cases men tick both those boxed after a baby is born.

Make time for yourself......and dont feel guilty about it and dont let anyone else make you feel guilty about it.

Outkast_IRE

Yes its quite common. All i would say is the first few months are the toughest as you are adjusting to a major change in your life but it does get easier in some ways as they hit key milestones. I would say keeping up a good level of exercise can help alot, even if its a case of walking a good few km with baby in the buggy it helps to get fresh air etc.

Our baby was premature and had silent reflux, we had to split the night into two shifts to sit upright with the baby as it was the only way they could rest without spewing all over. Got about 3-4 hours sleep each night each for several months. Then he turned a corner and has been a great little sleeper since and the reflux issues cleared up eventually.

You will have tough patches and good patches. But its hard work all the way, Get enough sleep, Make sure you exercise, take any help you can get from friends or family even if its just for an hour.

zg3409

The first 2 years are a nightmare particularly if it's your first and you don't have nearby family help and if you both have to work.

Lack of sleep (try different beds), take turns opposite nights, try get a lie in when you can or go to bed crazy early, or nsp in middle of day. I know a work colleague who slept in his car during lunch break as he needed it.

Everyone is under crazy stress, mother, father, child, in the first month's and some children do not get into a sleep routine for months or years.

Thoughts of harm are common for both parents, mostly when the child will not sleep and no matter what you do nothing works. Things like teething can create situations where child never sleeps properly. Try share the work, try get a day off here or there or treat yourself to even some time out if the house for a walk or hobby. You find your free time is very restricted.

I doubt you have "unusual" depression, just normal crazyness of a newborn. It does get easier and you will eventually get into a routine that works for everyone. My 3 and 4 year olds still don't sleep through the night reliably but it's far better than it was. We found pre making batches of food (little portion sizes) reduced the workload and feeding times for when child moved on to solids.

Rather than speaking to a doctor maybe try talking to a friend with children or a councillor, even over the phone. Parent line or similar services might be free and easy.

Thanks for all your advice and I really appreciate it. I have taken a lot of it onboard. The last few weeks have been great with him. Anytime he has his fits of crying now I just give him a little cuddle or sometimes place him on his play mat which seems to calm him down. He is a lot more alert now too. Does be laughing and giggling with us now which is amazing. Loads of tummy time with him as well which he enjoys for about 10 minutes :) . I think being a first time dad was a bit tough at first because of all the changes but I have eventually got use to it. He is still sleeping great at night so that's been great. Hasn't effected our sleep much. Exciting times ahead with the little man. As I said already thanks again for all your advice :D

mojesius

Babies are hard work, especially young babies. Don't beat yourself up over this. I think you've been given great resources on post-natal depression and support options already so I won't repeat those.

What I will say is it really does get easier over time, just take it day by day. Grab time for yourself when you can, e.g. walk in the evening, catch up with friends, gym whatever your destresser is.

With our second, he was stuck to me like glue for the first year and it was incredibly tough. If I went a few feet away from him he'd ball his eyes out. I had to go to bed with him early every night. He's now sleeping great, running around, a lot less crying nearly two years old and a lot more independent ;)

walshb

In this very confusing day and age? Yes!!!!