Online dating world

Carlowgirl · 13-06-2022 2:25pm #1

Hi just looking for a bit of advice on how today’s dating world works . Met up with a guy in March continued to meet up . He went off on a stag weekend and I didn’t hear from him . Thought that was kind of odd but we had only met three times . We continued to see each other and were not having sex but he stayed over . I’m not used to today a dating world because I was almost married . I took down my dating profile because I didht want to be on it he told me he took his down but he actually only deleted the app . We had a row over that and he said it’s normal to keep the profile up but not use it in case it didn’t work out . He deleted the profile but I didht ask him to . We were talking about holidays and I remembered him telling me when we first met he had a lads weekend in August abroad . Had a whole conversation about summer holidays and he never mentioned it and then I remembered and asked him and he said oh I didn’t feek the need to mention it . Is it normal when you are just dating that wires get crossed and not to know where you stand . I never used online apps before it seems like a bit of a night mare . I’ve finished it with him three times because I honestly don’t have a clue anymore and then we agree to give it another go because we clear it up 🤷‍♀️

Trigger Happy · 13-06-2022 2:30pm

You might be better off posting in Relationship issues sub forum Carlowgirl.

Relationship Issues — boards.ie - Now Ye're Talkin'

Pissy Missy · 13-06-2022 2:42pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058250039/online-dating-world

Hi Carlow girl, firstly sorry to hear you've gone through the joys of dating sites, total pain in the A! The only rules or boundaries around dating are the ones you state for yourself. Open communication is where it's at, otherwise anything can be interpreted and misinterpreted.

Sorry now, him saying he took down the app but didn't delete the app is most definitely not the same thing. But sounds like he clarified that with you? Did he tell you this voluntarily or was he kinda hiding it?

Idk the fact you've ended it 3 times suggests there's a lot of problems and drama in the relationship already and ye haven't even dated that long, think that already sends off red flags. Sounds like there's trust issues? I think the best thing you can do is trust your instincts.

Carlowgirl · 13-06-2022 3:49pm

eventually he told me he deleted the app but left the profile up . We had never that conversation . It’s just very complicated 1)the seeing Each other and then the exclusive and everyone can still be looking for some one else 🤷‍♀️

Pissy Missy · 13-06-2022 5:11pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119196970#Comment_119196970

Sorry didn't realised you replied. It sounds to me like he's withholding the truth when it suits him but I could be wrong. Like if you want to date exclusively, just tell him how you feel and if he he wants to keep it non exclusive for the time being, you can either accept and respect it or you can call it a day.

sprucemoose · 13-06-2022 5:27pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058250039/online-dating-world

march until now is not alot of time at all, think youre overthinking it a little bit here. probably need to have a conversation about how serious you are because it seems youre not on the same wavelength

YellowLead · 13-06-2022 6:39pm

I would not delete my dating profiles unless dating somebody for quite some time and it was exclusive. What I do is pause them (it’s easier than going through the hassle of re setting everything up, you just unpause) if I really like the person - but not usually until a good few dates in.

Sounds like it’s still very new and you might have wanted things to be more serious from the beginning that he did. Talking about deleting apps and going on holidays after a few dates isn’t generally commonly done - not that I’ve seen or heard tell of.

Nothing wrong with you having certain wants and needs - but as another poster said communication is EVERYTHING. If you want to be exclusive then you have to ask if the other person does too. If you feel like you can’t trust them if they agree for whatever reason, then there’s no point in continuing.

But yes it is normal when you first start dating to get wires crossed. I was in your boat 2 years ago never used apps before and just out of a long term. Boy was it a steep learning curve! But I’ve learned to communicate.

Count Dracula · 13-06-2022 6:57pm

I think finishing with someone 3 times should be fairly indicative.

Move on.

Jequ0n · 13-06-2022 7:07pm

“We were talking about holidays and I remembered him telling me when we first met he had a lads weekend in August abroad . Had a whole conversation about summer holidays and he never mentioned it and then I remembered and asked him and he said oh I didn’t feek the need to mention it .”

I am seriously struggling to see what he did wrong here. No offence OP but you sound intense..

In case i misread your post: you have been seeing each other since March but you haven’t had sex yet? This is more than bizarre and any normal person would have walked from this.

Homelander · 13-06-2022 7:14pm

You sound like you're being a bit too intense and over analyzing small stuff.

I assume from what you've posted you're both old enough given you were almost married and he's going on stag weekends so a single weekend away with his friends is hardly some huge issue. It's not like he's going to Magaluf for two weeks on the pull.

You've not even slept together and you have ended it three times? Come on.

I have had tons of relationships that started online and there was never issues like these or this resounding lack of clarity or drama when you're open, up front about what you want and the other person is too.

Kermit.de.frog · 13-06-2022 7:17pm

I didn't know they had internet in Carlow

Carlowgirl · 14-06-2022 10:03am

Thanks for the comments . I didn’t explain it very well . My ex was a liar and withholding truth or any sign of it triggers me. Ya I’m not intense and didn’t want to go on holidays I’m not that bad but I’m looking for lies to be honest . On the rebound I’d say and not ready 😊

Pissy Missy · 16-06-2022 12:17am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119199927#Comment_119199927

Sorry to hear that, I don't know how long you've been single since you split with the ex but a friend of mine was in a similar boat to you, they went for counselling and got with someone else a few months later after splitting up with the ex due to constant lies and betrayal. They found themselves dealing with the past hurt in their present relationship. Thankfully the new partner was patient and understanding and now they're engaged. So sometimes it can work out but trust your gut on it too.