Custody.

sineads80

Hi all,husband having affair. Married 8 yrs, small kid, family home. financially intimidating me - wants to keep house and saying he can split custody 50/50 even though he physically isnt present to mind the child that amount. Does anyone have any advice

Former Former Former

That's awful

Firstly. The house belongs to both of you equally. It's irrelevant where the money to pay the mortgage has been coming from.

Secondly, if he buys you out, that's great but you're still married and that does not release him from his obligations to financially support you and the child.

Sounds like he's trying to pressure you into an 'amicable' solution to get himself a much better deal than he would through a normal separation.

Get a better solicitor is my advice.

looksee

It sounds as though your family is supportive, is there one individual who would help you by being with you when you talk to solicitor, act as moral support and keep track of discussions with you?

sineads80

My family are up the country. But if the threats keep coming &, disappearing on son 24hrs at a time... im not sure il be able to keep tolerating it. Thank you for taking the time to respond. 👍

Dial Hard

What has your solicitor advised?

As FFF says, it sounds like he's trying to intimidate you into agreeing to a better deal than a court would likely grant him. Let your solicitor deal it it, they've seen it all before.

sineads80

Thanks all, in mediation now but i think he hopes i agree to worse terms. Can anyone comment on how likely it is anymore that a mum would be left in family home until child older at least if i can pay the mortgage.

YellowLead

To be honest I’ve never heard a single story where the mother wasn’t left to live in the family home until the kids finish education. Not saying it doesn’t happen, but I don’t know of any cases where I’d didn’t. And I know a lot of divorced people.

Senature

I know several people where the mother was not left in the family home until the kids were finished education. It is not a done deal like it used to be.

However, OP, I agree with the other posters, get good legal advice. A solicitor might seem expensive, but not compared to what a poor agreement might cost you in the long run.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119349176#Comment_119349176

Precisely. There's a very informative April 2019 Law Society report on Family Law which seems to be one of the most recent publicised studies. It's worth reading in its entirety for anybody going through a divorce/separation). On page 50, for instance, under 'Accommodation Needs':

"This requirement to consider the accommodation needs of each spouse will not necessarily result in a right of residence or complete transfer being awarded automatically to one spouse. The needs of both spouses must be considered, which can result in the sale of the family home and the division of the net proceeds. This was deemed by McGuinness J. to be both the appropriate and necessary measure in the case of O’L v O’L: 50 “In all the circumstances I am satisfied that common sense and justice require that the family home be sold and that the proceeds of sale be divided so as to provide as far as possible for the purchase by the wife of a smaller house ... and to provide for the husband something towards a deposit on the purchase by him of suitable accommodation for himself.” In this case, it should be noted that the learned judge believed the child would be relatively unharmed by the move. Alternatively, where the facts of a case necessitate minimal change, the sale of the family home can be postponed or deferred to a more appropriate future time, for example, when the children have attained the age of 18 years...

Divorce in Ireland: the case for Reform (Law Society, April 2019): https://www.lawsociety.ie/globalassets/documents/submissions/divorce-in-ireland-april-2019.pdf

There's a very useful function on the Courts website now where you can do a keyword search for previous court judgments. This 2010 judgment, when property prices had slumped and one would imagine a court would be more adverse to selling the family home, came up for HP and FP when I put in key words "family home" and "sell" (press ctrl and 'f' simultaneously to search the entire judgement quickly by typing key words such as "home" into the pop-up box):

https://www.courts.ie/acc/alfresco/458f01ab-c8f1-465b-ac1c-fbb6d9f2b932/2010_IEHC_423_1.pdf/pdf#view=fitH

"I must comment also that I consider that there was a certain lack of realism on Mrs. P.’s part with regard to the family home.... The husband will sign all documents necessary for the transfer of his interest. It will then be a matter for Mrs. P. to see whether she can enter into another arrangement with the Ulster Bank. She has indicated that she intends to try and find work. It may also be that she will receive assistance from her own family. 12. Both parties are entitled to be protected, however, in this arrangement. Consequently, if Mrs. P. has not been able to put a suitable viable arrangement in place with the bank within three months I will direct that the family home be sold within nine months of the date of this judgment or such further time as may be agreed between the parties, and Mrs. P. is to have the entirety of the remaining equity in the home after the bank’s interest has been satisfied."

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119349545#Comment_119349545

Exactly what I have tried to point out myself many times over these threads. 😶

It's never a fait accompli that the mother will automatically be granted the right to remain in the family home, and too many assume it is automatic.