Do women dislike quiet men?

Christine Neville

Most men (even the loud mouths) kind of get that some men don't talk unless there's something to say; they can relax around a guy who's a bit quieter than most. But I've only ever heard women use 'quiet' as a word to describe men... and I usually get the impression that it's not used in too good a way. Now if the person literally says nothing at all, that's a bit different. Now if the person literally says nothing at all, that's a bit different.

In the canteen the other day there was a new guy who came to sit with us. He'd been sitting with us a few days ago too and he fitted in fine... granted he was a bit quieter than us. But unfortunately for him, when he sat down we happened to be engrossed in a topic he didn't know anything about. Later I heard one of the women who'd been in the canteen that day refer to him sarcastically as "the quiet man" when she saw him walking across the yard. Seemed a bit much to me!

I would be a bit quieter than most. But if someone does go to talk with me I'll talk back, so I'm not hard work for people. But sometimes when I'm around loud extroverted women there's a voice in my head saying "just say something for the sake of saying it".

Dial Hard

Is that you Brid?

Everlong1

Yes definitely. I've had women I was dating moaning because I don't waffle on endlessly. I find in this country there's a tendency to assume there's something wrong with you if you're not the party animal 24/7.

wylo

I dont think women dislike quiet people anymore than men do or dont. If you're talking about attraction there is still no difference so long as you're sound to talk to (being super shy and socially anxious is different).

However, if we're talking about potential dates etc, being quiet probably puts you at a disadvantage because you are less exposed to opportunities with meeting women etc.

Irish_rat

I believe there is just a different communication level for different types of people.

I am generally quiet enough, old enough not to care what others think and know straight away if I will get on with a person or not.

Wouldn't bring gender into it really but I think it follows closely with alcohol and "gaa culture" in this country.

miasmum

I like "quiet" men. Only downside is I'm considered quiet/shy myself, which doesn't help because when you have 2 people of a shy disposition and neither will make a move it ends up with missed opportunities so I tend to go for more confident men. Every woman has a personal preference though.

Christine Neville

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119434430#Comment_119434430

Well sometimes being quiet means not being present; sometimes it doesn't. That's probably an important distinction. If they sense that you're sitting over there thinking about God knows what, then it might make others feel uncomfortable. So if there's nothing else going on, then you may as well join in a talk about whatever they're talking about... even if it's somewhat boring. I may be an introvert, but I still like human connection... and of course it's a good form of exercise for the brain. Maybe other quiet men claim they dislike human connection... but they may really just not like being out witted by others. I think it's three things that make me quiet; 1. being preoccupied, 2. feeling that what I say must be of value or else it's not worth saying, 3. a slight hearing deficiency in one ear. What about you? What makes you quiet?

jackboy

It’s a cultural thing rather than a female thing. Being quiet in Ireland is commonly seen as a flaw and such people will frequently be perceived as weird or ignorant.

It’s not really about the quiet person though. Most Irish people are not comfortable with themselves and with their own thoughts. They prefer to be endlessly distracted and will talk any scutter to avoid the dreaded silence. A lot of Irish people cannot handle doing the most basic thing on their own, such as going to the cinema, a restaurant or a run. So when they see someone doing such a thing on their own then the insulting commentary frequently follows.

kravmaga

@OP, In my opinion Irish women who like quiet men, really translates into I can can control , take charge and dominate them, an alpha female will always go for a beta male.

Irish people in general dont deal with silence very well and it makes them un-comfortable, all talking and no listening is not healthy either.

Christine Neville

@kravmaga In my opinion Irish women who like quiet men, really translates into I can can control , take charge and dominate them, an alpha female will always go for a beta male.

Interesting you say that. I may often be dominated in fleeting interactions with strangers, but as soon as I get to know a person I very quickly see the patterns of their behaviour and - quiet or not - I would not be easy to take advantage of. If you're in a relationship with someone, the "domination by ignoring" option doesn't really work as well.

Quietness may mean you won't be noticed, and it may even mean a lack of confidence... but it doesn't mean that the person is easy to manipulate. Lots of quiet men are dominant... like the Don Draper character for example.

Christine Neville

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119437061#Comment_119437061

EDIT - replied to wrong poster

Christine Neville

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119436992#Comment_119436992

They wouldn't go as far as mocking you for going for a jog... but it's still disgusting to think that some people do think you're weird for it.

jackboy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119437618#Comment_119437618

No, not mocking to someone’s face. But discussing how weird someone is after seeing them do an activity alone is common in Ireland. And yes there are loads of people who could never do an activity alone and that would be seen as normal.

Christine Neville

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119437686#Comment_119437686

The going to the movies alone thing I get, but have you actually heard people talking about someone who went for a jog alone? That kind of sounds like "anyone who's different to me is weird".

gameoverdude

I think the comment about about the quiet man is the issue. Is your colleague known for commentable remarks? Plus they were new. Finding their feet.

Feck it. I could go from one end of the week to the other and not talk to anybody. Example is work. When I'm in work I've got called quiet. I generally don't get involved in chitchat as I'm up to my eyes.

But, I can chat with the best of them when in the mood!

As for the thread tittle. Meh. Some do and some don't. Works for me.

completedit

The BETA's/women are wonderful types will say you're wrong and come up with some bullshit so they can continue living with their head in the sand but yeah it's a good observation and definitely one I've noticed. The weird thing is that traditional masculinity is associated with being stoic but in Ireland gregariousness is more associated with males and is the standard.

Christine Neville

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119437828#Comment_119437828

I only do good observations!

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119437828#Comment_119437828

Can you break that post down a bit by point. I'm not sure I understand.

The beta part I kinda understand a bit. Are you talking about relationships between men or between opposite sex couples. Do you mean dominance?

Stoic I can be. But it's generally not from a tough guy place. It's more I don't want to worry people. I've learned to open up more with loved ones and it's made my life better (still quiet).

So just to be sure. In quiet do you mean non gregarious or not sharing feelings?

gary550

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119436992#Comment_119436992

nail on the head

jackboy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119437759#Comment_119437759

Yes, the jog thing is more that many people cannot do that on their own but the other examples are commonly not seen as a normal thing to do and people who do those things alone will be seen as weird.

When people meet and get on to discuss their children generally the first question will be ‘is your child outgoing’. In other words is your child quiet or are they socially acceptable. Introversion is unacceptable in Ireland.

Pissy Missy

Quiet can be subjective, depends on how quiet they are. I personally wouldn't want to date a quiet person. I love talking about a variety of different things, engaging in debates (sometimes) and I also want a bit of banter and craic. At the same time, I don't want to have to deal with a really 'loud' person.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119438189#Comment_119438189

There's a lot in that post! I agree with you for the most part.

Engaging sometimes in discussions aspect. I'm curious about that.

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119438300#Comment_119438300

Yeah it's lovely to talk about different topics, which is why I quite enjoy boards for that outlet (aswell as friends and family).

kravmaga

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119434430#Comment_119434430

Because it makes them feel un comfortable or they have low self esteem in the 1st place and just cant deal with a quiet man.

Oh another Irish trait is talking sh1te to fill an awkward silence , sometimes silence is golden.

Personally I dislike loud mouths who look to be centre of attention all the time, drama queens or constant complainers.

Mister Vain

I'm fairly quiet but if I meet someone with similar interests I can talk for hours. I think I come across as boring to the more extroverted people in my job, yet I have been told I have a good sense of humor by others. If you're quiet and not a big drinker you can be seen as a bit of a dry shyte, although the attitudes towards alcohol have changed a bit in recent years.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119438323#Comment_119438323

Got ya. It was more the sometimes part. I thought you meant outside of boards.

Furze99

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119436992#Comment_119436992

Where did you get the idea that 'Being quiet in Ireland is commonly seen as a flaw and such people will frequently be perceived as weird or ignorant.'?

Maybe in your circle of family & friends, but no way is that a dominant view. There are people who are happier and confident in their own skins and who don't need to prove much to anyone. Then there's the loudmouths and braggards who are just that, mostly full of crap. And various degrees in between. Takes all sorts of 'normal' to make a society and there's someone for most people.

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119438435#Comment_119438435

Oh I meant I like to engage in debates sometimes as in other times Im just not arsed, yeah I meant like if I was in a relationship (sorry I prob wasn't clear)

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119438412#Comment_119438412

Interesting one. My partner is a non drinker and I enjoy a cupla babyshams.

But, and this knocked me back for six. I nearly fell her immediately. I had NO interest in a relationship and wasn't even looking for casual sex. It just happened.

Sometimes we can talk for hours. Other times we may just read our kindles and mutter a word. It works...we're engaged (still trying to decide why the feck we are!)

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119438454#Comment_119438454

Cool. I thought maybe nasty personal opinion discussions.

I like debates. Crap at them. If you disagree in discussions...guess what, that's fine. Some people don't get that.

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119438469#Comment_119438469

Ha no don't know where you came up with that

I'm not the best at debates either as I can think of a good point to make after the debate is long over. Yeah true, some ppl can't handle a different point of view