treat obsessed 7 year old

misc2013

I have to begin this query by hands up saying this current issue is our fault as during first lock down and school closures, we got too lax in the treats department. They became a daily thing - kids had little else to enjoy - and it became the norm. Fast forward and when school reopened , we stopped them during the week altogether and it became a weekend thing or "not a school day". Our little Pedantic Pat who is also on the Spectrum, hence "Pendantic" is his middle name. He figured that holidays equated with non-school days/ weekends and then we allowed one treat on a school holiday. Needless to say it went pretty pear shaped over summer hols.

fast forward, Back to school and some reasonable limits and then instead of these summer hols being a free for all, we thought we'd introduce a reward system. We've 2 kids so they both had to do a "job" - something small and generally behave, before any treats. This has actually gone ok so far. They have a chart each and I give a tick for job done and a tick for "keeping the rules" - simplerules such as not hitting, minding their toys, sharing, tidying up etc. This is because, we found that we'd have just given the guys something lovely and then they'd behave terribly/ be really un co-operative and we were thinking, something wrong here. Where's the incentive to co-operate?

UNfortunately, "Pendantic Pat" has ensured we have some issues still. We have been using a "treat tin" and letting the kids pick something out of the tin e.g. a small bar/ couple of jellies. Now he has decided that he needs to compare then by size or grams - "but that's only 25g" etc. Here is the ASD element of course. He had a complete meltdown yesterday cos it was close to bed time and I would only give him a little bar, i don't like jellies too close to bedtime. I'm keeping this as brief as I can but this is just one issue. The other is the expectation that treats happen automatically in every house. (I'm working on this as he all but asks for one - very embarrassing). I realise we need to cut back at home and lower expectations but in a gradual way as he is so obsessed and counts the clock til he gets the one he's expecting. One time it was a " No-treat day " and he got thick and ran around the place creating jobs to do in the hope that I would give him something for doing jobs, even though I didn't ask him. That was tricky.

For now, due to the meltdown last night , as a consequence for the out of order behaviour - we were thinking no treats at all for the rest of the week but we are on hols this Sat so that's too hard to control, and i think holidays are holidays after all and we do have another little girl.

After that, it's either go back to weekends only, summer hols or not, and again bar an odd icecream on an outing, just bite the bullet and really reduce what we have in the house. Allowing for visitors bringing the kids things, as happens of course.

I don't want to be too anal and make them even more of an obsession but either way, we're stuck as we don't want the meltdown that we had last night over the particular treat/size ot it etc, etc....alongside crying in a friend's house because no "treat" is forthcoming.

ANY advice most welcome.

shesty

The autistic element aside - take the treats out of it as a "thing" every day.

Mine don't ask, because they just aren't available and never have been.Fruit is available.They can have a biscuit after dinner.

However the autistic element makes it tricky, because the adhoc part might be a problem. I would actually argue my kids eat too much rubbish!But it's ad hoc - my minder gives them 2 jellies each every afternoon.They often have croissants and a hot chocolate on one day of the weekend.Sunday we have a "tea" so they have cake then.The odd day I would give them a plain biscuit around 3pm, with some fruit, just for a mid afternoon snack.

I think - fighting the same battle a bit - maybe for his benefit limit it to only jellies, or only bars, not a choice - and maybe it's a "one item after dinner (or lunch or whatever" rather than a reward/payment situation??Would that be somewhere to start?As regards treats in other houses, I wouldn't get too wound up - maybe in the car when parking, before you go into another house, say to them "this house does not have treats, do not ask".They won't get it straight off but the message will sink in eventually!

I have hit the school day/weekend/holiday snag in relation to TV in the mornings, so we have now resorted to "no morning TV Monday - Friday" or "only morning cartoons on Sat/Sun" regardless of whether it is school or holidays or anything else.Maybe that is a way to go as it is clear cut.

As with many things, this is harder on us as parents, than on the kids 🙄 Trying to be inventive!!But hopefully some of that helps.

wildwillow

It's always a mistake to make sweets equate a treat, but we all fall into that trap.

Could you go cold turkey and ban treats except when actually away on holidays. Introduce an activity as a reward and offer fruit if they say they are hungry.

It would mean not having treats in the house and probably no sneaky biscuits or bars for yourseves.

Show them how much sugar is in the treats by weighing out actual sugar content on each treat. some bars contain several spoonfulls.

Isn't it great how wise we become with hindsight.