Family Court

Hi all, 

I've found myself in a situation of my own making and need advice.

I have been on a social welfare payment and part of the means testing was child maintenance received. Over the years I did not declare the full amount. 

Before being attacked I would like to say that, yes I knew this was wrong but there were alot of contributing factors as to why. 

The child's father owed me alot of money from monies I sunk into his business pre-baby (the business no longer exists as he mismanaged it) and he also had paid for none of the essentials for when our child was born. 

He also many a time withdrew all maintenance over extended periods, and at other times reduced the maintenance to less than what I was declaring although he knew that amount was pennies compared to the cost of a child.

Never have I ever used our child as a pawn. He has always been allowed to have as much time with the child, however it is him who choses to opt out for weeks / months on end as he goes with his own schedule and what suits his lifestyle not our child's.

For example he handed our child a note in April saying he wouldn't be around til October thereby tossing aside our child's every 2nd weekend visits with him. 

No discussion with me.  

He only ever makes arrangements for collection and drop off through our young child and does not consider how it impacts my times, work or life. 

Recently it escalated when he decided to fit in a weekend with our child. 

He arranged through our child the time for pick up and the time for dropping back. 

I agreed as I was able to work with these times. 

However the late the night before drop back he got our child to text saying his new partner would be dropping back at 10am. 

I replied I will be at work so he'll have to keep to the 5pm drop back time that he set.

He continued to try to argue it through our child but I just repeatedly responded 5pm and I am not discussing this through our child. 

I should note that he has me blocked for the past year as he refused to pay towards school costs for our child (at which time our correspondence to one another got nasty)

Next morning I went to work only to have our child message me saying Daddys partner will be dropping at home at 10am.

I replied No. 

Then the partner started messaging me directly saying it was either to my home or to my work. I said Neither as I was not home and that dropping to my work was not an option. 

She continued to threaten me and unfortunately I had to cave and arrange for my adult niece who is recovering from cancer surgery to go to my home to look after my child. Had I not then unfortunately my child would have been put through even further ordeal, as they had involved her in their argument about times. 

Long story long, a week later I emailed the father, and his partner, in a very clear non-confrontarional way, stating that there would be no more making arrangements through our child. 

I even suggested we return to mediation as we need to work together for our childs best interests. He had attended before he met his new partner however he never kept to what was agreed within the mediation sessions as he chops and changes to suit himself, and nkw is unwilling to return to work through things.

He outright ignored my email and messaged our child to get her to check if particular dates were ok for her to go abroad with him. No discussion with me as to whether she could leave the country with him! 

So I made the decision to block both the father and his partner from our child's Messenger as he needs to stop involving our child in adult issues. 

I had told him in the email that if he continued to make arrangements via our child that it would be the consequence so he was aware of what would happen. I also told him he can contact her at any time via my phone. 

Then he had his partner message me to accuse me of trying to break up my childs relationship with their father. I had only ever allowed a minor on Messenger so as to allow contact with their father to promote their relationship in his absence!

So i find myself in this situation whereby I need to take it to the courts however I fear that I will get into a whole load of criminal bother (some may say and deservedly so and I can't argue that) for having not declared the whole amount of maintenance.

 

I guess my only defense is that I do work and unfortunately the maintenance received would be deducted in the most part from my already reduced social welfare payment (due to the fact I work) as I cannot offset it towards my house. 

I own my house through means of my own savings and a family loan so my repayments to my sibling are not considered a mortgage or rent so i get no relief whatsoever towards my home. 

I'm certainly not saying that I should receive mortgage relief, I'm merely stating others who have a mortgage and find themselves in my now financial situation can avail of relief, as circumstances change. 

I have tried my utmost to provide for our child and to continue to work.

Unfortunately I was years on the council list and never offered a home so yes I made the decision to buy a home from my own sources because as a single mom with below average wage I was never going to secure a mortgage. 

Had I stayed on the list it would in fact have cost the state more than the extra €40 per week that I have undeclared but I know that will not factor in to the case before a judge. 

The case I wish to make before the judge is to have a set schedule for access, with set times that are fair to both parents. And also for maintenance to be set and extra payment upon school, birthday, and Christmas (if possible) 

I know this sounds like I'm asking for alot however on top of the usual weekly/monthly expenses I pay for all childcare, afterschool activities, camps, Christmas and birthdays. 

Apologies for the long reel I simply wanted to explain myself so as to minimise attacks on the rights and wrongs of my actions. 

I guess ultimately I am wondering how much trouble will I find myself in legally? 

Thanks! 

spaceHopper

If you go to jail or lose the house the child will have to live with him, he sound like man child be even so I don't think he would be that stupid. Get professional legal advice all the same. Could you go after him for the child support he didn't pay? The business investment is gone you'll never see it.

peckerhead

Get a lawyer, and delete your post here. There's a lot in it that could be used against you (outrageous though that might seem to you).

If you go to court to regularise access and contact arrangements, maintenance won't be part of the hearing.

For maintenance to be brought up, either you, or your ex, would need to issue a summons to vary the existing Maintenance Order.

The court will not look favourably on any parent who refuses to communicate with the other, but instead does it through the child. It's not fair on the child to put them in that position between you.

You are entitled to not engage with your ex's new partner, if they are not a guardian to your child.