delete

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119453955#Comment_119453955

Jesus Christ, the one coming across as bitter is you with that unhinged rant. I don't agree with the OP, but you've jumped about ten guns. And how can a person help how they look?

Thelonious Monk

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119454657#Comment_119454657

I love cats. A cat would be a bonus if a potential partner had one. The neighbours cat comes into my partner's flat through the skylight from time to time, so at least there's that.

Ray Palmer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119454451#Comment_119454451

Well if you are Irish you know dating is not really a thing here. It is literally a foreign concept hence foreign men do it. You are younger than me but I will say how it was when I was in my 30s. Friends just avoid seeing most women in their 30s who were Irish because they wanted marriage and kids. If they didn't tell you straight out you would be aware of it quickly as they would mention friends marriages and kids a lot. They seemed to think they were secretly gauging interest but really just waving red flags. They weren't really interested in the person as a person but me as means to get what they wanted.

So my friends dated younger women instead, makes perfect sense too. Now they are older some married women in their 30s while they were in their 40s but others are still single and see a lot of single mothers who dumped their partners once they had a kid and still younger women.

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119453955#Comment_119453955

You must be fun at parties

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119454558#Comment_119454558

🙌🙌🙌

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119454715#Comment_119454715

The sad truth 😂😂😭😭

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119454451#Comment_119454451

"Attractive" is subjective. By definition, if you were attractive to these fellas, you'd be attracting them. Perhaps you need to change your target type.

At one end of the spectrum there are the fellas who would never settle down. At the other end there are fellas who would settle down very quickly. The latter are probably already settled if you are in your 30's. Some other fellas near that latter end of the spectrum might not be that compatible with you if your previous interests lay in the former end of the spectrum. Not impossible, but not exactly something you could feel entitled to on demand either.

iamstop

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119453814#Comment_119453814

You never know...!

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119453814#Comment_119453814

Some of them have nuts?

yourdeadwright

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119454451#Comment_119454451

Ok sorry if it offends you but there not cancelling because they are not bothered ,

They are cancelling because they got a better offer, now that could be a female they prefer or a night out with the lads that night, but that's the reason ,

7 years ago myself and my wife (girlfriend them) had a 18 month break up & that is exactly what i done & its not even being nasty or a dick its just normal

You chat to someone & think oh she's nice date organised , then oh what's this ,u match someone you find more attractive & cancel the first date ,its life its what happens ,

The majority of foreign men struggle to get date's Irish women so when one wants to date them they will turn up FACT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119454985#Comment_119454985

The majority of foreign men struggle to get date's Irish women so when one wants to date them they will turn up FACT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Irish passports are also attractive in and of themselves

yourdeadwright

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119454462#Comment_119454462

What a **** thing to say to someone, not only is it completely & utterly untrue but what kind of horrible person are you to say something like that to anyone ,

You know there probably women & men on this site right now who have tired everything to have children & can't & then they have to read something like that,

What's wrong with you cope the F*ck on & try to show a little human decency .

Sardonicat

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119454980#Comment_119454980

Only some

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119455021#Comment_119455021

It's the modern world.

xhomelezz

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119454985#Comment_119454985

The majority of foreign men struggle to get date's Irish women so when one wants to date them they will turn up FACT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Male foreigner here.. I can tell you, you better check your FACT!!!!!!!

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119454462#Comment_119454462

That is the last thing I want.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119454781#Comment_119454781

My ex used to frequent some of the forums/chat rooms for the women's magazines, and a lot of the discussions revolved around very bitter comments related to dating or the lack of dating, especially as women got older, and/or stopped taking care of themselves physically.

The internet has had a lot of toxic female stuff for decades.. it's just generally ignored.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119455017#Comment_119455017

I think your visceral reaction shows how important having kids is. I don't really think I have anything to apologise for. I thought I was replying to a young man so could be upfront and honest. If I knew the poster was a woman or older person I would have phrased it differently although my opinion is the same. Having kids is the most important thing in the world and if ever it was a choice between having kids versus living a shallow bachelor lifestyle, I would always encourage young men to make the right choice.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119454558#Comment_119454558

I wasn't addressing you in my post. Why do you take it personally when I wasn't even addressing you?

Of course I am not saying your life is pointless. I thought I was addressing a young man who "copped on" that being single is the way to go. And I am trying to provide encouragement to a young man that choosing a single life versus starting a family is unfulfilling in the long run.

I was referring to humans in general as the "reason to exist". All form of life has at its core the primary goal of reproducing. That's all I am saying.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119454579#Comment_119454579

I try to assume the best in people. In general I promote having kids because in general I assume children will be not be abused or neglected. Excuse me for having a bit of optimism.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119455804#Comment_119455804

Why?

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119455897#Comment_119455897

I'm referring to what has already happened, and those patterns unfortunately continue. Some people are plainly unsuited to having children. It's not for everyone - even among the non abusive/non negligent.

It feels ideal for you - and yeah I do think raising a family is probably better for a man than just living the playboy lifestyle, but raising a family/committing to a marriage is just something that some men can't handle the idea of, and fair play to them for recognising this. Not all of them live the shallow bachelor life. My uncle got married and became a dad for the first time when he was in his late 40s. He was a teacher so when he was single he was travelling every summer, involved in loads of sports, and had friends from all over the globe visiting him. Sounds pretty fulfilling to me. Then he became a husband and dad, and that's obviously very fulfilling too - in a different way.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119455848#Comment_119455848

Perspective I guess. I see the exact same from bitter men.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119455906#Comment_119455906

I don't want the responsibility or financial cost.

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119455897#Comment_119455897

It's nice to be optimistic but over 50% of children worldwide experience at least 1 kind of adverse childhood experience. Reality is some people shouldn't have children.

breezy1985

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119454451#Comment_119454451

Out of curiosity when you do mention kids is the response

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119455950#Comment_119455950

I hope you change your mind one day. Having seen it from both sides, I can say it's the deepest, most life altering thing I've ever done. It's exhausting, unrelenting even. But it's also rewarding, an 18 year project to try to mould, shape and grow a decent and happy human being. It's like the most complex and rewarding hobby/project I ever had.

When you are on you are in your twilight years, you won't be thanking your lucky stars you didn't "waste" money on having kids. You won't be grateful that you ducked the responsibility. Instead I think you'd regret it. Just my opinion.

WhiteWalls

Genuine question from the original poster and so many smart comments to her. This place is toxic

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119455997#Comment_119455997

Well I know me and I am 99% sure I will be glad I made the decision.

what if your kid turns out to be a wrong one who gets involved in selling drugs in a gang or a man who beats his wife or kills someone, will you be happy then you had kids?

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119456002#Comment_119456002

Might have been better to post in Relationship Issues forum, although perhaps she wanted a broader discussion of the topic rather than just 'advice'.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119456002#Comment_119456002

This place was always like this. After Hours has always been notorious for it's irreverance and sniping. Adding the word 'toxic' is in itself toxic. You are killing the buzz.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119456009#Comment_119456009

Probably not, but at least I will be satisfied that I did all I could, and will not carry any regrets with me to the grave about what might have been.

buried

Very unfair to be labelling anybody here for making whatever decisions they choose to make. We in the western world are living in the age of the individual, where for the last 50 years and more, we have all been literally programmed to worship individualism, to only take care of the self and to disregard everything else. Corporations and advertising executives for the last 50 years have deemed it so, that this is how our world in the west is supposed to "work". If you have a problem with how this world is functioning, my advice is to go take it up with them and stop fighting amongst yourselves.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119456074#Comment_119456074

OK, I will be satisfied that I had a great time enjoying myself without worrying about looking after kids.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119456009#Comment_119456009

I don't think it's necessary to consider those unlikely outcomes - that poster is very happy with becoming a parent, and all the best to him.

But like yourself, I really don't want to have children. And never have done. I didn't like feeling that way when younger, and thought I would change my mind, but I actually just became more resolute. Thing is, people with my view DO consider when they're old and need someone to look after them - I thought everything through... and nope, still no desire to have children. It's not that I have a problem with kids, I actually have good craic with them - it's the idea of raising them, the responsibility, the worry, the stress, the exhaustion, the challenges, the relentlessness... moreso above than the financial aspect. To me, it's not worth that journey to have somebody looking after me when I'm old (and that wouldn't even be guaranteed). I'm good with money, and started saving/investing for old age a long time ago.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119455997#Comment_119455997

You are totally missing that some people are not meant to be parents for a variety of reasons. It’s actually a good thing that people realise what they want, or what they are capable of, before they spew out kids who will have a miserable upbringing.

I would be an atrocious father and I would certainly cause damage, and therefore I muster out any woman who is looking to create a family. There is nothing selfish about it because it because at least I am not wasting her or my time.

buried

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119456112#Comment_119456112

See, pgj, that's exactly what I'm talking about within the context of this modern age of the individual, you've basically said it there yourself "that I had a great time enjoying myself", that's this modern age in a nutshell, a lot of people are convinced that by solely "enjoying themselves" they are living a better life. Now, this could well be the case, and fair play to you if it is, but in my honest opinion, a lot of people who are in this same mindframe as yourself have been programmed to believe it. Corporations and advertising houses have made it their very business to push this thought process on top of western populations in order to make obscene amounts of money ever since Edward Bernays brought the idea to them at the start of the last century.

You've brought an example to Wojtek there, that what if his kids let "him" down? But sure that is the risk you take by actively loving and throwing yourself into somebody else and sacrificing yourself for the continuation of some sort of potential and future community. That's what the concept of "falling in love" also is, you give yourself up totally and completely to somebody else. Sure it mightn't work and sometimes, a lot of the times it won't, but if you are prepared to take this risk, it can seriously grow you wholeheartedly as a human being, even if it doesn't work it will also make you grow. That's what human existence is supposed to be about, its not some lifelong continuation of some individualistic party that Edward Bernays invented back in 1920 for corporations to swell up money like hungry pigs.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119455937#Comment_119455937

And there are a range of groups associated with them.. i.e MGTOW, incels, or whatever. Which is what was said earlier, and why I pointed out the same existing for women, except they were covered under other groups.

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119456145#Comment_119456145

If you really believe that, just get yourself a vasectomy. Problem solved. You can just tell any woman you meet soon after you start dating.

xhomelezz

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119456225#Comment_119456225

Sooo you are suggesting vasectomy to solve non existent problem.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119456194#Comment_119456194

Now, this could well be the case, and fair play to you if it is, but in my honest opinion, a lot of people who are in this same mindframe as yourself have been programmed to believe it. 

As opposed to the religious, and social conditioning that says having a family is fulfilling, and... you know the drill. We get the same thing with regards to employment "work hard, take pride in your work", yadda yadda yadda. You really think corporations haven't sought to increase numbers of families, due to the stability they bring, and increases the chances that employees will need that job, to cover all the consumed products that families go through? Single people are less likely to be tied down, more likely to refuse demands from employers, etc. For each situation, I can point to dozens of points of conditioning and influence sent from external sources.

Society and culture conditions/indoctrinates. We're all programmed by our parents, teachers, the media, etc. We're all affected by it to one degree or another. Some sticks, some doesn't. And some aligns with what we want... and a lot doesn't. Conformity is a hard one to shake.. and even when we do shake it, we're still responding to other sources of conditioning.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119456194#Comment_119456194

Life is about what I want it to be about. If I have kids I will be unhappy, that wont be good for the world I live in or the people I meet, it will be much better if im happy with my life. If I did what society expected of me I would still be in that depressing corporate job very unhappy with life, instead I quit that job and set up my own business, the result being I am far happier now. In other words only I know what is right for me.

buried

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119456264#Comment_119456264

Forget religion and family. For the last 50 years one thing has solely shaped the consciousness of the minds of the modern western world - Television and film. Two entities where the corporate world has infiltrated and literally programmed everyone into believing that nothing else matters only the individual. This has been their MO from the start, the godfather they hired to set it motion even stated such at the start of the last century. Sure, corporations might like for more people to create more individuals in order to prolong their message, but where do you see the evidence for this in our modern age? Families in the western world are now smaller, birth rates are dropping, nobody now even wants to date anybody it seems, all the while the message of the individual being the king has been thrown out and adhered to for the last 50 years, and continues to do so.

buried

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119456270#Comment_119456270

And fair play to you pgj, I'm not judging you whatsoever, you know what's right for you and that's your prerogative.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119456318#Comment_119456318

Do you have a problem with people just doing what they want in life?

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119456225#Comment_119456225

Why would I do that if alternative methods of contraception exist, and I make it clear to a partner that children are not an option?

con___manx1

People now a days always think they can do better. I was guilty of it myself for a while. There is just to many options for single women and men with online dating.

buried

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119456334#Comment_119456334

Nah, do what you like, make the choices you feel are right for you

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119456351#Comment_119456351

Well your plan isn't exactly foolproof.

nullzero

Everyone (Male, Female and whatever other things people identify as these days) in today's world is looking for a perfect partner, and that's the problem nobody's perfect.

If you can find somebody who is sane, lives within the normal parameters of society and has basically the same values you'd expect a normal person to have and you both want similar things from life you're probably on to more of a winner than most people realize.

Internet dating seems to have really done a number on normal human romantic relationships. People have been having casual sex forever so it isn't just the convenience of Hook ups that's the problem, it's the possibility that the next person that appears on the screen will be perfect, at least that's my take looking in from the outside.