delete

sparksps · 11-08-2022 11:55am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458101#Comment_119458101

I dunno.

It seems that the poster was just giving their opinion on the importance of children, not deriding anyone who doesn't.

And I agree, everyone's interpretation of purpose will be different.

anewme · 11-08-2022 12:01pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119457996#Comment_119457996

If the post was in personal issues, then I would give my advice to the OP and they could decide if my experiences match what they are looking for.

I think in asking women for advice, saying men dont fit the criteria is stating the obvious. OP has said that themselves, so take it up with them.

Leg End Reject · 11-08-2022 12:07pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119455861#Comment_119455861

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119455888#Comment_119455888

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119455997#Comment_119455997

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119454462#Comment_119454462

@sparksps, this isn't just giving an opinion from their own perspective, the poster clearly advocates for everyone to have children and even suggests they'll regret not having them when older.

sparksps · 11-08-2022 12:07pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458134#Comment_119458134

If the post was in personal issues, anyone could give their advice and the OP could decide if anyone's experiences match what they are looking for.

You have no issue telling others that they don't meet the criteria to respond, even though, by your own admission, you don't meet the criteria, save for the fact that you share the singular biological trait of being a woman.

11-08-2022 12:08pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119457731#Comment_119457731

All the while being a staunch defender of Transgender and gender fluid beliefs. So, why should that poster support the stance that only women can appreciate the OPs position, or respond to their questions, when on any other thread, a man can be a woman with all that supposedly entails...

Double standards are rather popular these days.

sparksps · 11-08-2022 12:12pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458165#Comment_119458165

And I don't think that is a bad thing.

Obviously it is something that the poster genuinely believes and from their own experience, they feel that rearing a family is something that shouldn't be missed.

It's nice to see.

I don't necessarily agree with him and wouldn't advocate for everyone to become parents, but I don't see it as a bad thing to suggest that people may regret not having children.

sparksps · 11-08-2022 12:13pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458176#Comment_119458176

lol.

If that is the posters position on Transgenderism, then everything they have said is moot.

EmmetSpiceland · 11-08-2022 12:15pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458176#Comment_119458176

Did the OP ask for responses from women?

Leg End Reject · 11-08-2022 12:17pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458197#Comment_119458197

It's great that they feel that way and I'm sure their children are loved and cared for, but that doesn't mean you can preach to others.

There's enough neglected and abused children to demonstrate that parenthood isn't for everyone. Choosing not to have children is as valid as having them to give your life a purpose and become your legacy.

11-08-2022 12:17pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458003#Comment_119458003

I think having kids is the be all and end all of our life on this planet. When you boil everything down that is. I think the fact that people get so riled up at my bluntness shows how emotive it is, and by extension, how important it is to all of us.

No.. we just don't like being told that our lives have less meaning because we didn't have children (compared to those that do).

I've travelled extensively throughout Asia, Eastern Europe, Russia, M.East, parts of Africa.. and that's something I couldn't have done if I'd had kids. First off, the need to be responsible for someone else would interfere, the costs involved in having a family would seriously put a dent in my finances, etc.

I've met very few people who have travelled the amount that I have, in the countries/cultures that I have. Does that mean that my life has had more value than them, because they chose to stay in their hometown, get married, have kids? Hardly. Just as their choices don't trump mine.

We all make choices. We make sacrifices for the life we want to lead. That's it. I couldn't live the life I have if I was in a LTR with kids. The "sacrifice" or rather a simple choice is that I wanted something other than what you have.

Leg End Reject · 11-08-2022 12:25pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458212#Comment_119458212

Does one get to dictate who responds to their thread on an open forum?

Why are you responding when you're a man? If you were that concerned about only the opinions of women being sought you'd have left the thread. After all, your signature clearly indicates you're a man.

11-08-2022 12:33pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458212#Comment_119458212

Sure did. Look at a few of the posts following the OP, which quoted the original post.

However, isn't there still a women's forum? Why post to AH, of all places, if they only wanted women to speak? This is not the forum to place such limitations, and anyone who reads a few threads on AH would quickly get that point.

11-08-2022 12:34pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458056#Comment_119458056

Calling out sentences like "It's our entire reason for being" as saying you have no purpose otherwise is far from an ungenerous interpretation. They've almost explicitly stated those very words. There is an implicit meaning in that sentence...i.e. "It's our entire reason for being, ergo, if you don't subscribe to it, then you have no reason to be".

What do you think that people who actively choose not to have children want the purpose of their life to be?

I think it's none of my fcukin business what anyone wants to do with their life. I mean, who says anyone's life has to have a purpose?

Maybe you're not meant to have one, and the concept of having kids was guilt-ridden into us by the Catholic church so we'd have more saps to put money in the basket every week so we can keep the gold in the Vatican polished. Once you're not negatively affecting me or others around you, you fire away chief and forget about the rest.

We could do with more people keeping their noses out of everyone else's beeswax.

11-08-2022 12:40pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458015#Comment_119458015

What people, exactly, have I told that their lives have no purpose? I have not said that to a poster, in fact I explicitly told one posted I am NOT saying their life has no purpose. I am trying to give my opinion in a positive, affirmative way, but people only seem to extract the negative out of it.

If I said I support Liverpool and think they are the greatest club ever, that doesn't mean I am talking putting down or dismissing Man United's history.

Leg End Reject · 11-08-2022 12:42pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458356#Comment_119458356

Nope, read your posts. You have clearly said we all should have children, that's it's the only way to give our lives a purpose and that those who don't will regret it. It's all there in your own words.

11-08-2022 12:47pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458356#Comment_119458356

Everyone without kids, whether that's by choice or if they're victims of circumstance.

You didn't say it explicitly, but it was implied.....""It's our entire reason for being, therefore, those who forego having kids have no reason to be".

If I said I support Liverpool and think they are the greatest club ever, that doesn't mean I am talking putting down or dismissing Man United's history.

That's not comparable to what you said, though. You didn't say "I think kids really enhance ones enjoyment of life". You said "anyone without kids has no purpose in life".

It'd be more like "only real football fans follow Liverpool", implying that Utd (or any other team's) supporters weren't real fans.

anewme · 11-08-2022 12:49pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458166#Comment_119458166

The OP has said the responses are not what they requested, so for the third time, take it up with them.

You dont know the first thing about me or my personal history, - so you have no idea if the questions asked were relevant to me or not.

Sardonicat · 11-08-2022 1:00pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119454462#Comment_119454462

So is it the one poster you quoted who needs to have kids? Only their entire reason for being? Only their legacy?

Or did you mean people on general?

Leg End Reject · 11-08-2022 1:00pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458407#Comment_119458407

No one can dictate the responses they want anymore than they can dictate who posts in their threads.

It's an open internet forum, not a blog.

anewme · 11-08-2022 1:02pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458319#Comment_119458319

That is why the OP says they deleted their post. Wrong forum.

11-08-2022 1:16pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458372#Comment_119458372

You do understand what generalising is don't you? I was talking about human beings in general. Not the posters in this thread specifically - with the exception of my first post where I was responding to one young man.

E.g. I believe we all need to take exercise and that it's good for our minds and bodies. I believe this to be true in general for all humans. But some people will choose not to, that's fine, but in my opinion they would feel better if if the did. And it should go without saying that I am not dismissing crippled or disabled people who lack the capacity for exercise. Just getting that in before you distort my words/meanings.

11-08-2022 1:21pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458456#Comment_119458456

I was talking to the one poster who claimed he'd "copped on" that having kids was the way to go.

Separately, I was talking about people in general when I was talking about our reason for existence. Same as for all living creatures. There are a million complications in all of that where humans are concerned, but you get the thrust of what I'm saying.

11-08-2022 1:22pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458400#Comment_119458400

I never used those words "anyone without kids has no purpose in life".

You need to learn the difference between quoting someone and paraphrasing.

Leg End Reject · 11-08-2022 1:23pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458536#Comment_119458536

Read your posts.

Sardonicat · 11-08-2022 1:27pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458536#Comment_119458536

You said "It's our entire reason for being" "Our". That would be generalising. Unless, of course, by "our" you specifically meant the one poster you quoted, and yourself.

11-08-2022 1:28pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119457982#Comment_119457982

The point you make here is exactly the point I was making with my post. Which is that no one is "wrong" when they are saying that some experience was life altering or transcendent for them. They become "wrong" when they start to dictate that experience to someone else as a "need" - or a "must" - or an automatic "regret" if you do not do it - or that you are "ducking responsibility" if you do not do it - or it is the single reason to exist. And so on and so on.

Unlike you I can imagine many many things that can be as life altering as raising a child. Perhaps even more so. Having your arms and legs blown off in war or discovering you have stage 4 cancer spring to mind. But it is all relative. What is life altering to one person - is just another day at the office for the next person. Which is precisely my point.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458003#Comment_119458003

In all my years on this forum I can think of only two posts that ever "riled" me. And even then it was only moderate. And it was not because the poster in question (same poster both times) was being stupid of evil - but because he was being intentionally and knowingly stupid and evil to serve an end. So you can relax on that score at least :)

In fact the only person who is riled it seems is yourself. As you yourself say you become "frustrated" when someone dismisses an idea dear to you in a matter you personally deem to be frivolous. Which is the point of my response to you. There are any number of things that have been life altering and transformative for me. Martial Arts and Meditation spring instantly to mind. Yet I have seen them dismissed quite friviously on many forums in the past. This bothered me not a jot. Precisely because I realize what entirely works for me - may not work a jot for others.

So rather than tell people they "need" to do what I do (as you did) or that it is literally their purpose in life to do as I do (as you did) or that they will have no legacy unless they do as I do (as you did) or that they are somehow "ducking" if they do not do what I do (as you did) - the point I would make is you might reach such people more readily if you merely represent how transormative something was to you - represent it well - and simply care not a jot whether anyone actually takes inspiration or guidance for it or not. It is certainly an option for you to consider at least. As is the choice of parenting or not parenting :)

However I am not sure I personally see the utility in trying to "emphasise the importance of having kids". In and of itself it is not important to do that at all. For many people (like yourself and myself) it is important. For many others it is not. And that is how I personally prefer the world to be. I think the "be all and end all of my life on this planet" that I serve is quite different to yours and my having had kids - and parenting them as best I can - is a subset of what I find important in life.

Finally I am not sure riling people up by your attitude to them in a given context - automatically implies they are emotive due to the context - rather than by how they feel you are treating them personally. It could be either, neither, or both really by each individual.

11-08-2022 1:35pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458593#Comment_119458593

All living creatures, plants, animals, the birds and the bees. Their overriding goal above all else is to re-create. Humans are similar. That's what I was referring to. Now, I know we are more complex than animals, but we are also very very similar in many ways.

11-08-2022 1:38pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458565#Comment_119458565

I know the difference well. However, you need to look up the meaning of the word "implied".

11-08-2022 1:39pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458632#Comment_119458632

That's just not true.

It's a human take on a natural process. Who says that's our overriding goal?

Sardonicat · 11-08-2022 1:40pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458632#Comment_119458632

So only that one guy quoted "needs" to have children. Everyone's "entire" reason for being is it have children? Do I understand you now?

11-08-2022 1:45pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458668#Comment_119458668

You are looking to take offence where none is intended.

11-08-2022 1:45pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458632#Comment_119458632

The thing is you are only correct in what you say above at a species level. Not at an individual level. In all species there are plenty who never reproduce. In fact in some species - especially those organized in hive structures - there are individuals, even the vast majority - who are specifically there never to reproduce.

I was educated on this by another boards user actually but - if memory serves - 99% of female bees never reproduce. In a colonly of naked mole rats Only 1 female and 1 to 3 males ever reproduce. The rest of the colony function solely as worker drones.

So your post is quite wrong. If you changed it to "All living species - their over riding goal above all else is to pro-create" you would be much closer to being right. But "All living creatures" is simply wrong. So why should humans be any different?

11-08-2022 1:46pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458655#Comment_119458655

Nature?

11-08-2022 1:48pm

Great. Did she send it in a memo, or a text message, cos I've never heard her speak.

Also, what about those for whom nature has taken away that option? What are their overriding goals?

Sardonicat · 11-08-2022 1:51pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458691#Comment_119458691

I'm trying to figure out what you actually meant by that original statement as you're repeatedly saying it doesn't mean what it reads as saying. The more you try and explain it, the more unclear it becomes.

Jequ0n · 11-08-2022 1:52pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458691#Comment_119458691

I’m not quite sure why this has caused such offence. I initially challenged you too but I can understand the point you are trying to make.

Human nature and ideology have become very disconnected.

11-08-2022 1:53pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458693#Comment_119458693

You are splitting hairs. Sometimes the exception proves the general rule.

11-08-2022 1:57pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458712#Comment_119458712

They will be guided by their instincts regardless.

A lot of what we do, when we try to get in shape, get a haircut, acquire knowledge, look for a loving partner, all of these things are guided in large part by our instincts to be a more attractive mate. Consciously or mostly unconsciously.

Now of course there are other things in life not guided by this - the desire to travel, watch TV, eat in restaurants etc.

11-08-2022 2:00pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458750#Comment_119458750

Which as I have learned in the past is written because the word "prove" in that sentence actually meants "tests". But it seems most people who use that cliche think "proves the rule" means "Shows the rule to be true". It is certainly a sentence that confused the hell out of me as a child until I learned what it actually means and why.

But it is not a rare exception I am referring to here so it is hardly "splitting hairs". In the vast majority of species there are individuals who do not reproduce. In many species those individuals number high. In many species in fact they are in the vast vast majority. And in some species as I pointed out - individuals reproducing is actually so rare it is nearly statistically nonexistent. So this is not the "exception" you are trying to pretend it is I am afraid. It is in fact the norm.

In fact I wonder if there has ever been a species where all individuals of the species reproduced at least once. And would such a species even survive? I posit that it is variety that strengthens a species - nearly any species - and that any species, including our own, is in fact greately enriched by those who do not (by choice, or otherwise) reproduce. I certainly know that some of the most enriching people in my children's lives are the friends and family we have who themselves have no children of their own.

banie01 · 11-08-2022 2:10pm

Apropos of nothing directly related to this thread's OP really...

But?

I am intrigued that despite the OP bailing out that this thread has moved on from their original premise and grown legs and moved on to some very interesting and intensely personal choices.

Thanks to those on both sides of the "family" fence for their comments.

I do think that humanity has long moved beyond the base reproductive drive. Life isn't all about having kids. That said, that's easy for me to say as I have 1. I have also quite deliberately only had 1 and had a vasectomy at 28.

When I had the snip? I was widowed, raising a son alone and adamant from my own family experience (I am the eldest of 8) that my family was 1 and done. It was incredibly difficult to get a doctor to carry out the procedure.

I had to attend multiple counselling appointments and I was told that I was robbing any future partner of the chance to have children with me. Which is an interesting spin on reproductive choice 😉

In something that is somewhat related to the OP. I started seeing my now wife when she was 36. Within a few dates I was up front with her about my vasectomy and that I didn't want any more kids.

10yrs later, she's still here and our marriage is healthy, stable and honest.

11-08-2022 2:35pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458784#Comment_119458784

They will be guided by their instincts regardless.

What do you mean? Infertile men/women are just doomed to keep hammering away until eternity?

RE: Getting in shape etc......while some of that may be true, it is a million miles away from your assertion that "this is the entire reason for being". While you may have not intended to cause offence, you have obviously done so. A simple apology for the mix up and retraction would have gone a long way.

11-08-2022 2:51pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458737#Comment_119458737

I don't think you are on a quest for truth, but rather you want to trip me up to get revenge because I inadvertently offended you.

11-08-2022 2:55pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119459073#Comment_119459073

I'm not going to be browbeaten into an apology because people decided to take offence on my posts.

I really am not trying to upset anybody but if I am cornered I will defend myself.

Deebles McBeebles · 11-08-2022 3:09pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119454656#Comment_119454656

I finally decided to step away from Boards and be true to myself and my life's calling. So I have spent the last 2 years having as many kids as possible. "That's 2 kids, idiot"...I hear you say. Not with the involvement of multiple breeders, my friends.

Currently I am in the process of training the offspring to watch a tablet for 8 hours a day so Daddy Deebles can get back to work on top of a lady, producing more and more. They will then, at an appropriate age, be thrown out to the streets. The little joys can then become other peoples problem, at least until they are commanded to return home, which they won't be. They can roam the towns and cities, being vapists and vandals (just not in front of my house). Truly my raison d'être.

Ray Palmer · 11-08-2022 3:09pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119458750#Comment_119458750

That is a well known nonsense comment. Look it is very clear what you said and what you mean. You think it superior to have children and think people are missing out in life and will likely regret it. It is incredibly arrogant to have this belief along with being condescending. Even with you trying to water down what you said now you are simply stating your view is the best and option most people should do it.

There is a disconnect from reality and personal choices along with different lifestyles. There are millions of people who regret having children for many different reasons. People can and do override what is "natural" so there is no overriding nature to have children with a human mind that can decide to have children or not. IVF is something you are for or against?

Having children in the western modern world is actually a very selfish act given the amount of resources needed to raise them.

I never wanted children and I will never have any. Happy with that situation and I know myself that I would not suddenly have a beautiful moment and change if I had a child. I know people who have had children and never bonded with them. Some were friends and some were friend's parents. What I found was these people tend to be quite about their regrets around people but will open up to somebody willing to say they never wanted kids. Given your stance I can see why you would never hear that opinion and be oblivious to it being a real thing.

It is about 10% of parents who regret having children but you can be sure that it is more who have at least thought about it regularly enough