More than a weekend away!

skallywag

Thanks for the clarity.

So it still comes back to the same thing then, your point is that the OP is controlling because he is disappointed that his partner told him she was going away for a weekend when it really turned out to be a week, and she made no effort at any point to discuss any of this with him.

OP, disregard any of this 'controlling' chat. You do not deserve this.

DoctorEdgeWild

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119472424#Comment_119472424

Wow, you're really into pushing this point with me. 😂 I'll leave you to it so. Best of luck OP, plenty of good advice from a lot of posters on here.

skallywag

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119472477#Comment_119472477

I am.

You are out of line with the controlling angle and it is very unfair on the OP.

Big Bag of Chips

@DoctorEdgeWild and @skallywag can we get back to advising the OP please. Thanks

Hotblack Desiato

Presumably she's well back by now, if she didn't contact the OP on her return that'd be a bit odd...

skallywag

Best of luck OP.

Floppybits

To me it seems to be something very trivial to be thinking of ending a relationship over. From reading the post the GF said she was going away for a weekend but it was in fact 5 day weekend not a 3 day weekend, to me that is still a weekend away. I have often said I am going away for the weekend but that would be from Thursday to a Tuesday. I wouldn't see it as a week away or anything like that just a long weekend, a week away for me is going on a Sunday and not coming back to the Saturday or Sunday. Its all down to how you see it. As for her not asking you, I wouldn't blame her, she was going away with her friend and it was probably important for the 2 of them to get away together. As a guy if a girl I was in a relationship said to me that she was going away for the weekend with her friend(s), it is the last place I would want to be really, I just wouldn't feel right it would feel like I am intruding on her or something. Op if I was you I would just ask her how the weekend was and did she have a good time? No need for all this palava or whether it was a weekend or a week.

YellowLead

It definitely seems off she wasn’t clear on how long she was going away for. Perhaps she is trying to distance herself a bit and is not sure about the future of what this is. Seems odd to lie to anybody at all, never mind somebody you are supposed to be dating. Lying is a big red flag - I would talk to her but I don’t think the signs are good.

Big Bag of Chips

a week away for me is going on a Sunday and not coming back to the Saturday or Sunday

So the exact same as going away on Thursday and not being back by the Wednesday, then?

OP, I hope you've managed to talk to her at this point. It might be nothing at all or it might be a sign that she's not as invested as you are. I think at 8 months in you're entitled to know where you stand and if you are on the same page regarding what sort of relationship you actually have and if there is any future in it.

BBM77

Hi all,

Yes, have met her at this stage. Think it is one of those things that the optics looked worse than it was in reality. She met friends and stayed longer than planned. Just asked was it a last minute thing staying so long, you said you were going for a weekend. She said it was all last minute, why did it seem like I disappeared. I said yes of course. Think she got the hint. We all make mistakes. Anyway, will see how it goes. Just shows the importance of being open about what you are doing in a relationship. So easy for something to be taken up wrong.

In terms of the debate that came out of the thread. Agree ending a relationship would be going over the top alright. But do think it is something that should not go unmentioned. When in a relationship there is a certain entitlement to be let know what the other person is up to. It is just common manners. The people who argue there was no issue, we will just agree to disagree.

Thanks again for all the advice.

Airyfairy12

Could it be that she didn't tell you because she knew you would be annoyed that you wearnt invited? I wouldn't take it too personally, she's entitled to go on holidays with her friends without her boyfriend, most if not all couples go on separate holidays, its healthy to have time away from each other like this and also, plans change, maybe they just decided to extend the holiday. I understand you're upset about this and you're every bit entitled to your feelings but id bring it to a counsellor instead of dumping those feelings all over her when she hasn't really done anything too you.

Jequ0n

You considered breaking up with someone over something that turned out to be a miscommunication. Yet, when you talked you didn’t use the chance to discuss this but you “think she got the hint”.

Something like this will happen again if you don’t change the way you communicate. She can’t read your mind

Tork

Have you discussed why you've not gone on holidays together this summer?

TheadoreT

Yeah you've not discussed that at all with her. If that's how you attempt to set boundaries or assert expectations its no wonder she knows she can do what she wants and you'll hang about regardless, she'll eventually lose respect(if she hasn't already)

I get the feeling you're terrified of actually pushing for fear of hearing something you don't want to. It's fairly common for people who don't have a whole lot of relationship experience to be so protective of the relationship status that they become pushovers.

But it's better to risk losing it now by standing up for yourself and potentially gaining more of her respect, than to gradually watch her pull away and you being an anxious mess treading on eggshells around her.

BBM77

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119482342#Comment_119482342

Yes, so we talked it through at this stage. She said she understood why I felt left out of the loop. She does seem to have a different attitude to our relationship now. In a very positive way. She just seemed to have got caught up in the holidays and forgot how it can look from the outside. If anything the whole episode brought us even closer. Just shows again how important communication is in a relationship. Thanks again all. Your advice saved me from doing something stupid 😊

Liberty_Bear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119454616#Comment_119454616

Wonderfully said

OP would there be a chance you have FOMO? Fear of missing out? My brother has and he drives me demented with it sometimes!

BBM77

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119507113#Comment_119507113

I don't know. Maybe your brother has good reason to feel left out.

Liberty_Bear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119509346#Comment_119509346

He doesnt really...I keep some parts of my life seperate for a reason

Roxxers

ditch the ****

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Warned for Breach of Charter

Girl Geraldine

Finish it. She may have been with someone else which might have been the reason for the extra days. Could you ask her friends what day they got back and see do the stories match?

PHG

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119537460#Comment_119537460

Terrible advise likely coming from a place of insecurity and mistrust. Feelings are not facts!!

Communication is key in any relationship OP and great you followed that and it brought you closer.