Navigating a FWB Scenario

Jafin

Hi all, I (a gay man) met a guy a few weeks ago off the apps. We have entered into a FWB type of scenario, and this is the first time I've had this. I was just wondering is there anything specific I should be doing, like checking in every now and then to see where we both stand, emotionally? Before we met I made it clear that I was not looking for anything serious but would be open to something casual if we were both interested, which he said was fine, so he has known my stance from the beginning. I also had the conversation with him again the third time we met, laying everything out in crystal clear terms that I was looking for a FWB situation and that if that was not for him that was totally fine.

We've met and slept together a good few times now and that has re-affirmed my stance, internally, which is that I don't see any kind of romantic relationship happening with him at any point. I am not a mind reader though, and I do know that these things can go pear shaped if one party develops feelings for the other, and the last thing I want to do is to end up hurting him. Should I check in with him every few weeks/once a month just to make sure we are both staying on the same page? I'm a firm believer in communication being the key to any kind of relationship, be it friendship or romantic, but I also don't want to overdo it by asking him the same thing too much.

Thanks for any input anyone can give that has been in this kind of scenario before, and if anyone has any other tips I would be most appreciative.

Liberty_Bear

The need to constantly affirm it might be off putting for him. Is there any tell tale signs? Is he texting constantly or using emojis? For me I would let it run its course and see where it takes you. Sometimes us telling others that we are not interested in more than FWB reflects more on us. I made the mistake of doing that with a chap I was with years ago, I realised I was falling for him but in the end we had a straight forward conversation . To this day we are good friends.

Jafin

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119508646#Comment_119508646

He doesn't use emojis very often, whereas I would use them quite liberally, but I do that with everyone. He is a bit older than me so it could be a generational thing I guess. I'm 33, he's late 40s. He does the whole good morning and goodnight text thing though, and always puts an x at the end of the goodnight messages. He is not texting *as much* as he was a week or two ago, but that could be down to just being busy at work, but he definitely texts every day, and the conversations are always initiated by him. I could basically set my watch by his texts because it follows the same pattern every day.

I'm not saying it's impossible that things will change for me down the line, but right now at least I really don't see that happening. He's a nice enough guy but I just don't see myself ever being in a relationship with him. When I've dated other people in the past it felt very different - as in I'd be excited to talk to them and all that jazz, but I don't get that here and I pretty much knew I wouldn't from the outset. I've been very clear with my intentions from the beginning, but I'm just afraid he's only agreeing to it in the hopes that I'll change my mind. I'm happy to hang out once or twice a week with a couple of drinks/watching TV and have sex, but I don't want anything beyond that.

Liberty_Bear

You cant do much else if you are being up front. Truly that is all people can ask of you

Jafin

Thanks, had a chat about it with a friend today (well, an ex turned friend) and he said more or less the same thing. I've been as up front as possible with this guy so he knows what the score is on my end at least.