Who's paying for dates

What's everyone's opinions on dates, not on about the first few but ongoing for a while. Would you expect to be splitting the bill? Asking cos I have avoided dates of late because I am footing the bill, it came to a head and I was told that she never had to pay for a meal put but would try to get a round or 2 in a pub after, which by the way doesn't happen either

Big Bag of Chips

Is this a specific girl you’re going out with or girls in general?

Princess Calla

Might explain why she was still single!!

Unless it's an occasion (birthday etc) I would always go 50:50 .

That's assuming both people are working and the restaurant is within each person's budget.

Liberty_Bear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058259902/whose-paying-for-dates

I see no issue with paying for a meal and few drinks on first date (if not costing a fortune) but in the age of equality women should have to foot their half unless you are asking them out to somewhere really fancy and they cant pay. There is no hard or fast rule. Any woman who would expect a bloke to pay for every date would come across as entitled to me.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119506839#Comment_119506839

Specific girl, I would pay for the first flew dates normally and would kind of expect a 50 50

It's just normal restaurants, I'm inclined not want to go on dates now cos I feel I'm being used

Big Bag of Chips

So have you just been avoiding her then? I think you’re simply not compatible. It’s not unreasonable for you to share the cost of dates. But she seems pretty sure that she’s not going to contribute. I’d be leaving her to it if I were you and finding a girl who is less entitled.

SunnySundays

Decent people split bills during dating or cover every second one.

Or if not,cover every second one.

Freeloaders or the entitled don't.

That applies to both men and women.

Thanks all, was taken back when she said she never paid for a meal and I did think that was very entitled

theteal

Nah, run

YellowLead

I’m sorry but she sounds awful. Let her take her entitled self elsewhere to some other mug. While usually a guy will pay for a first (albeit I insist on paying half if I don’t want a second date with him) and maybe second date it should be 50 / 50 after that (usually getting every second one is easier than splitting each in half). It shouldn’t really be assumed and I would always offer as I am sure most women do.

Only exception would be if one person earned a lot more and invited the other to a place that was out of the lower earners budget.

Just imagine what else she will be entitled over, this is probably the tip of the iceberg!

Gael23

Would send her on her way before you get to deep

standardg60

Her level of investment in the bills is usually a good indication of her level of investment in the relationship

Esse85

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119506998#Comment_119506998

What if a person genuinely can't afford to go 50:50 on bills as they earn 50% of what the other person does but is 100% committed to making the relationship work.

How does your comment stack up then?

billyhead

She's taking you for an eejit.

Galwayguy35

Run for the hills, she is a freeloader.

looksee

There could still be a good investment in the bills proportionate to (her) means. It isn't entirely about exactly how much each contributes, more willingness to go on dates that are within budget and contribute gracefully.

Goodigal

Like Yellowlead, if dating a while would pay for alternative meals instead of going halves on each one.

But I would be mortified if anyone paid for me on every date or assumed I wanted them to. I think it's very mean. And very entitled.

Leave her away to find other guys to keep paying for her.

enricoh

In some cultures is it the norm that the fella pays? Dated a good few eastern European women years ago n it like a given when the bill came. It got old after a bit. Irish women would nearly batter ya if u paid!

----------

Edited birds to women.

Still stihl waters 3

Warning applied and post deleted

blackcard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119506954#Comment_119506954

I was on a third date with a girl and paid for the meal as normal. 20 seconds after me paying for the meal, she dumped me, thought it was a bit mean.

On another occasion, a girl on a second date asked could she borrow 20 euro. I gave her the money. After paying for 2 rounds of drinks, she says we're even now

PS. The above 2 experiences were out of the ordinary

Hannibal_Smith

Mod note

Posters are reminded that when replying to threads in PI/RI they are asked that their replies be mature civil and constructive. If you cannot post in the standard that is expected please do not post.

HS

jrosen

I dislike mean people. If both people are working and dating irrespective of how early on I think the bill should be split or perhaps alternate paying when out for dinner/date.

Dial Hard

Yeah, leave her at it OP. If she's this entitled at the dating stage, you can be sure her attitude to joint finances later on would be "What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too". Absolutely no reason for anyone not to pay their way. Yes, there can be disparities in earnings but they can be navigated in a way that's fair on both parties. Her blanket rule of "I don't pay for dates" is ridiculous. Get rid.

gmisk

I think general rule is whoever asks pays on the first date. Then after that you take turn about roughly. Seems bizarre that a woman would expect a man to pay every time....then again I am a man and I only date men...

bitofabind

We're not in the 1950s, women have jobs and rights now and can pay their way. It's nice when a man foots the bill on a first date sometimes, but when I was dating it was never something I'd expect and would always return the favour with drinks or subsequent dates. Does she behave like a generous person who is interested in a partnership? An expectation that you will ALWAYS pay suggests not.

Next time, hold back when the bill arrives and see how your dating prospect responds. That'll tell you everything.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119509649#Comment_119509649

Why bother with the next time? She's already told him - literally told him - she doesn't pay for dates.

Ladybird25

I really don't think think you should pay based on gender. I think first date should be payed by the one who suggested going out, after that every other one unless you want to treat your date. That said, when I started dating my partner, I was in a pretty bad situation economically and he payed most of our dates but as my situation improved I tried to keep it as equal as I could even if I was in a lower pay.

ButtersSuki

Most Asian women will expect the guy to pay for everything date wise - they're not being rude or tight, it's just their cultural norm.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119510237#Comment_119510237

Given the OP hasn't specified otherwise, it's probably safe to assume the woman in question is Irish, therefore norms in other cultures don't really matter.

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119510280#Comment_119510280

And even if they weren’t Irish, it’s not an excuse to get away with this behaviour - you should adapt to the culture of the country you are living in.