Who's paying for dates

What's everyone's opinions on dates, not on about the first few but ongoing for a while. Would you expect to be splitting the bill? Asking cos I have avoided dates of late because I am footing the bill, it came to a head and I was told that she never had to pay for a meal put but would try to get a round or 2 in a pub after, which by the way doesn't happen either

Big Bag of Chips

Is this a specific girl you’re going out with or girls in general?

Princess Calla

Might explain why she was still single!!

Unless it's an occasion (birthday etc) I would always go 50:50 .

That's assuming both people are working and the restaurant is within each person's budget.

Liberty_Bear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058259902/whose-paying-for-dates

I see no issue with paying for a meal and few drinks on first date (if not costing a fortune) but in the age of equality women should have to foot their half unless you are asking them out to somewhere really fancy and they cant pay. There is no hard or fast rule. Any woman who would expect a bloke to pay for every date would come across as entitled to me.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119506839#Comment_119506839

Specific girl, I would pay for the first flew dates normally and would kind of expect a 50 50

It's just normal restaurants, I'm inclined not want to go on dates now cos I feel I'm being used

Big Bag of Chips

So have you just been avoiding her then? I think you’re simply not compatible. It’s not unreasonable for you to share the cost of dates. But she seems pretty sure that she’s not going to contribute. I’d be leaving her to it if I were you and finding a girl who is less entitled.

SunnySundays

Decent people split bills during dating or cover every second one.

Or if not,cover every second one.

Freeloaders or the entitled don't.

That applies to both men and women.

Thanks all, was taken back when she said she never paid for a meal and I did think that was very entitled

theteal

Nah, run

YellowLead

I’m sorry but she sounds awful. Let her take her entitled self elsewhere to some other mug. While usually a guy will pay for a first (albeit I insist on paying half if I don’t want a second date with him) and maybe second date it should be 50 / 50 after that (usually getting every second one is easier than splitting each in half). It shouldn’t really be assumed and I would always offer as I am sure most women do.

Only exception would be if one person earned a lot more and invited the other to a place that was out of the lower earners budget.

Just imagine what else she will be entitled over, this is probably the tip of the iceberg!

Gael23

Would send her on her way before you get to deep

standardg60

Her level of investment in the bills is usually a good indication of her level of investment in the relationship

Esse85

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119506998#Comment_119506998

What if a person genuinely can't afford to go 50:50 on bills as they earn 50% of what the other person does but is 100% committed to making the relationship work.

How does your comment stack up then?

billyhead

She's taking you for an eejit.

Galwayguy35

Run for the hills, she is a freeloader.

looksee

There could still be a good investment in the bills proportionate to (her) means. It isn't entirely about exactly how much each contributes, more willingness to go on dates that are within budget and contribute gracefully.

Goodigal

Like Yellowlead, if dating a while would pay for alternative meals instead of going halves on each one.

But I would be mortified if anyone paid for me on every date or assumed I wanted them to. I think it's very mean. And very entitled.

Leave her away to find other guys to keep paying for her.

enricoh

In some cultures is it the norm that the fella pays? Dated a good few eastern European women years ago n it like a given when the bill came. It got old after a bit. Irish women would nearly batter ya if u paid!

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Edited birds to women.

Still stihl waters 3

Warning applied and post deleted

blackcard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119506954#Comment_119506954

I was on a third date with a girl and paid for the meal as normal. 20 seconds after me paying for the meal, she dumped me, thought it was a bit mean.

On another occasion, a girl on a second date asked could she borrow 20 euro. I gave her the money. After paying for 2 rounds of drinks, she says we're even now

PS. The above 2 experiences were out of the ordinary

Hannibal_Smith

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HS

jrosen

I dislike mean people. If both people are working and dating irrespective of how early on I think the bill should be split or perhaps alternate paying when out for dinner/date.

Dial Hard

Yeah, leave her at it OP. If she's this entitled at the dating stage, you can be sure her attitude to joint finances later on would be "What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too". Absolutely no reason for anyone not to pay their way. Yes, there can be disparities in earnings but they can be navigated in a way that's fair on both parties. Her blanket rule of "I don't pay for dates" is ridiculous. Get rid.

gmisk

I think general rule is whoever asks pays on the first date. Then after that you take turn about roughly. Seems bizarre that a woman would expect a man to pay every time....then again I am a man and I only date men...

bitofabind

We're not in the 1950s, women have jobs and rights now and can pay their way. It's nice when a man foots the bill on a first date sometimes, but when I was dating it was never something I'd expect and would always return the favour with drinks or subsequent dates. Does she behave like a generous person who is interested in a partnership? An expectation that you will ALWAYS pay suggests not.

Next time, hold back when the bill arrives and see how your dating prospect responds. That'll tell you everything.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119509649#Comment_119509649

Why bother with the next time? She's already told him - literally told him - she doesn't pay for dates.

Ladybird25

I really don't think think you should pay based on gender. I think first date should be payed by the one who suggested going out, after that every other one unless you want to treat your date. That said, when I started dating my partner, I was in a pretty bad situation economically and he payed most of our dates but as my situation improved I tried to keep it as equal as I could even if I was in a lower pay.

ButtersSuki

Most Asian women will expect the guy to pay for everything date wise - they're not being rude or tight, it's just their cultural norm.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119510237#Comment_119510237

Given the OP hasn't specified otherwise, it's probably safe to assume the woman in question is Irish, therefore norms in other cultures don't really matter.

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119510280#Comment_119510280

And even if they weren’t Irish, it’s not an excuse to get away with this behaviour - you should adapt to the culture of the country you are living in.

UsBus

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119510237#Comment_119510237

Ya, well when in Rome....

But if its Mullingar, it's 50/50 or GTFO..

Markus Antonius

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119506910#Comment_119506910

When she said she doesn't pay for meals you should have told her you'd call around to hers tomorrow and to make sure to have the dinner on the table by 6 sharp. Brisk and firm pat on the bot after.

Bit too late now though.

NTSITDOA

The four first dates I've been on in the last few months we split the bill each time, these dates were drinks in a pub/bar rather than a restaurant. One girl said she likes when lads offer but would always offer to pay half, if the lad insists then fine, she'll let him pay but then she'll get the next date. Sounds fairly reasonable.

I'm not fully on board with the idea of "Whoever asks the other person out should pay" because the majority of the time it's lads that do the asking! 😁

Personally I'd wouldn't be too happy if I was pay for all of a date beyond the first date, even having to pay for the full amount on the first date would irk me a little.

DonnaDarko09

When I was on the dating scene a few years ago, the guy would nearly always offer to pay for the first/ second date and then we would split after that. But even that seems outdated to me now. Provided both are working and can afford it, why not 50:50?

in long term relationship, I go 50:50 or we take it in turns to pay and catch up next time if needs be.

I'm traditional in the sense that I like to pay on the first date.

Any date afterwards though...time to open up the knock-off Michael Korrs.

wotzgoingon

I used to be on dating sites all the time back in 2010-2013 and I used to bring the girl I met up with for a meal and would always pay for it and drinks afterwards.

I met up with this Asian girl once who brought along her Asian friend for some reason and they both paid for themselves but I paid for a round of drinks though.

I had to pay for petrol for one girl as she drove and we went to a walk along cliffs. I was banned from driving at the time.

From my experience of dating sites I can count on one hand the number of girls who could hold a conversation. That's 100% honest. I don't know what type of losers were on it at the time. But to be honest the girls who were bad at talking through the computer were well able to talk when we met up. Figure that one out.

Airyfairy12

Id also go splits on bills with dates, cannot understand how women feel comfortable having their night out paid for and not contribute. From my experience of women that I know that are like this, they're usually very entitled and see other peoples money as an extension of their own money with no limits. If you're really into her and want it to work out, set your financial boundaries now.

newhouse87

first dates, still think the guy should pay, one annoying experience where the girl suggested going to a fancy place for dinner for our first meet, that was fine, half way through i knew this wouldn't lead to a second date, i as always offered to pay but this girl just said thanks and obligatory message from her following morning saying she had nice time but didn't want to meet again. She said she goes on lots dates every week so felt bit used on that one occasion.

gary550

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119577604#Comment_119577604

red flag 🚩

I'd be ducking out and splitting that tab as soon as I heard "I go on a lot of dates", ain't nothing special about me (and most men) that says I'm gonna be the last.

wotzgoingon

I remember not long ago reading on some social media that a girl single and poor as she was going to college and used to hook up with a new guy nearly every day and suggested to them they get something to eat. It was so she didn't have to buy or pay for a dinner. Some b*tch she is using everybody like that.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119580145#Comment_119580145

Read on Social media? Apropos of nothing... I've a bridge for sale.

We're forgetting the league system. If the girl is stunning no guy is going to be dividing by two in his head.

Okay, back to reality. I'd not expect the girl to pay on the first date regardless of who asked. I'd very much appreciate the offer of paying for half though. On second or subsequent dates you'd be getting into alternate payments.

YellowLead

I think dinner is a bad idea for a first date. It’s too much of a commitment - I think a walk or a drink or wherever is better - at least if it’s a non runner you don’t have to hang around for three courses. Then you can do dinner next time. Each to their own though :)

Henry Ford III

I've never had an issue in paying for a first date (normally lunch). I think it's good manners if she offers to split it btw.

After that if you perceive an issue with both contributing reasonably towards dates chances are you're right.

CPTM

I prob wouldn't go for a foodie date so early on. Not for a first date anyways. Coffees and walks would be better option, maybe drinks as a second date.. then 3rd or 4th date go for food, by which time you're sort of more comfortable splitting the bill or one person paying the total. For example if either the girl or boy is working and the other one is between jobs or just bought a house or is studying full time I think it's nice if the working person pays the full bill.. but it shouldn't even be a question until date 4 or 5.

Strumms

If I ask a girl out, I’ll pay.

if we ended up dating and I’m paying for 80%-90% of associated expenses, food, drinks, taxis… dropped, like a hot snot.

one girl about 8 years ago, from a reasonably affluent family in a rural part of Munster , but she was renting with two others in Dublin and working….over the 5 months or so we dated id say her grand total expenditure in my direction was about 100-150 euros, being generous…

she was used to being as the youngest girl… with 2 older brothers looked after but that seemed to enable her with an ever growing sense of entitlement.

she had her own car but Strumms is driving, long day at work ? screw it, I was driving, paying and dropping her home. Being invited in depended on her mood… mad….always think that was a valuable lesson.