Long distance relationship. Whats the point?

Rupe8819

Evening all. So I've moved back to Ireland after five years of living abroad. My girlfriend at the same time moved back to SA to continue her studies and to get treatment for a medical condition. Before we left to return to our homes she said that she didn't want to leave things in a place where we would just see what happens, I agreed and the idea was that we would break up. When I returned home and we began talking on the phone daily and ended up both slipping into what can only be described as a kind of comfort zone for fear of losing each other. It's been three months and I'm starting to feel like there is no real point in continuing on as there is no real drive to create solid plans for both of our futures and no clear timeline as to when we can start making plans as she is unsure about her work and studies. I'm moving abroad again in January back to where I was previously which I am very happy about. I would like to start settling down with someone as I'm eight years older than her and have started to get broody. I'm not sure if want to wait for another two years just for things not to work out. I'm an extremely loyal person and it has nothing to do with wanting to sleep around or anything I'm just afraid of making the wrong decision.

TheadoreT

I agree an indefinite long distance relationship is far too difficult. But you essentially broke up and both had the chance to move on and were still drawn back together. I wouldn't underestimate the connection here as just being a comfort thing. You may come to regret that and take it for granted right now, but genuine connections don't come along easily.

Is moving to SA completely out of the question? You seem to be at the looser end here so it feels the onus should be more on you to move to her for now at least.

witchgirl26

I think if you both want the same thing at the end of the day - to be together in a country somewhere having a life with each other - then it is worth it. My brother & sister in law spent about 3 years living in different countries to each other due to work, college etc. They had decided though that it was worth putting the extra effort in as they both saw a future with each other.

I know you say you're a little older & want to settle down etc but a question would be if your gf is in the same mindset as that, regardless of whether you're in the same country or not.

Idle Passerby

You mention you don't want to wait two years. Is it likely you'll be back in the same country in 2 years time? You presumably have a very solid relationship. I don't think you've mentioned how long you've been together already but I'm presuming several years so 2 years doesnt seem all that long to wait.

Being realistic, if you broke up now, how long do you think you'd need before being ready to date again and how long might it take to meet someone you can have as good a relationship with. I could easily see that process taking up to 2 years. So it's a gamble either way really.

Betthoi

I think long distance relationships only make sense when:

-both people want it

-you know how long you will be away

-you know what you will do after you reunite

-this relationship does not destroy your life and the life of your partner

-you are ready for the fact that force majeure obstacles may appear and you may break up

Still stihl waters 3

Sounds like you're meant to be together

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Warned for trolling

bucketybuck

I don't know how long you were together, but I don't get the impression that breaking up was the hardest most gut wrenching experience of your life. Did it leave you in tears for days on end? Or was it just the sensible thing to do and so you both came to and accepted the same decision pretty quickly...

So already we are not talking that one true love here. Yet because you stayed in touch now you are thinking of putting your love life on hold in the hope that maybe they will still be around in a few years time. Sounds like a pipedream to me.

Its only been a few months, and people who break up very often feel like they made a mistake and want to get back together with the ex, its a common reaction. But I think you already know it probably isn't a good idea, because how many people in love with somebody are asking themselves "whats the point?"

You broke up, and its only been a few months. I suspect that if you stopped having as much contact with the ex, and perhaps started chatting to other people then it wouldn't take very long at all for this to become an easy decision for you.

Big Bag of Chips

@Still stihl waters 3 please do not comment on moderator instruction on thread. If you would like to offer advice to the OP as per the Forum Charter, please do so in a new post.