Dating apps

Memoryman

Hi there, on the topic of dating apps anyone got any thoughts in so far as finding a meaningful relationship is concerned. Despite the obvious flaws and pitfalls and having looked out for the preverbial red flags and cautiously trawled and navigated what has to be said to be a minefield of profiles, not to mention the endless fake and questionable profiles, I mean do they actually work for some people. I would be keen to hear of anyone's personal experiences if they cared to share them. I am a genuine guy with genuine intentions call me old fashioned I suppose. I know its not the ideal solution but has social media really undermined our values that much as a society. I am becoming increasingly disillusioned! ......

TheadoreT

Its really depends. The stats show theres way more guys on these things than women, and a very small percentage of those get a massively disproportionate percentage of matches. So that small percentage of men have a huge choice of women to pick from, they'll tend to use the ones they deem "less good looking" as just looking for a ride. Those women who should probably be matching someone like you get obsessed with the good looking guy who doesn't care about them and wastes their time pursuing something that's never gonna work. So its somewhat broken in that sense. Because essentially nobody likes to see these things as leagues but usually good looking people end up with good looking people. But online dating can give the less good looking women a false of their looks when they're told they're beautiful 100 times a day by lads looking for an easy shag.

But if you have good chat and are interesting and try the likes of bumble there's plenty of good souls in there too who look beyond the superficial, but again you're up against numbers so you're still going to have to be better than most.

Dial Hard

I'd be amazed if the gender stats in Ireland are as skewed towards men as people always claim, given there are actually more single women than men here. I also think a lot of the "Women just have to show up, and 1% of the men get 99% of the matches" stuff you hear is based on US data/anecdotes. Based on my own experiences on the app, and that of my friends, I just can't reconcile that narrative with the reality I've seen.

Anyway, the fact of the matter is that it's hard for both genders, OP. There are, unfortunately, a lot of time wasters out there on both sides of the gap. At the end of the day, it's a numbers game - kiss enough frogs, etc. etc. But you have to be in the right headspace for it and I always say that if it's affecting your self esteem or mental health in any way, it's time to give it a break.

Fwiw, I do think Bumble is the best of the options in terms of people being at least half-arsed. Tinder is just a meat-market, barely anyone even bothers to fill in their profile, and in my experience, if they can't even be arsed making that much effort, they're not arsed in general.

I met my boyfriend on Bumble back in April when I was pretty much done with the whole thing. Was going to cancel our first date and everything because I was like "What's the point of getting on the merry-go-round yet again?" But I was pretty much bullied into going by my sisters and I'm very glad I did!

There are genuine people out there, OP - lots if them - it can just be very difficult to separate the wheat from the chaff. What I will say is to hone your instincts, and trust them - it gets very easy to spot the fake profiles, the people who have no intention of meeting but just want to chat, etc. As soon as your spidey senses light up that you're wasting your time, politely disengage and move on.

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119546376#Comment_119546376

 Tinder is just a meat-market, barely anyone even bothers to fill in their profile

just to confirm

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-11162235/Tinder-toxic-young-women-swipe-right-apps-promise-sexual-liberation-working-men.html

YellowLead

I use bumble, hinge and tinder and all have advantages and disadvantages. Bumble and hinge have more people looking for genuine relationships.

Of course there are success stories out there - but it’s all about timing and luck. You really have to put the time and effort in - it’s almost like a part time job!

I doubt the numbers are more skewed with more men being on dating apps - any time I’ve googled it it’s come out as fairly 50/50.

Taking the time to have a decent profile matters. Don’t have only one photo, don’t have only group photos. Maybe say something humorous on your profile or at least show a bit of personality. Don’t have negativity there (eg. ‘No drama’ etc) and don’t waste time with red flaggy people.

Definitely use it as an avenue for looking for somebody, but also join clubs and go to Meetup’s etc or if you have single friends to the pub, to broaden the options .

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

Hi OP, thanks for your post. Personal/Relationship Issues is more for advice in helping someone resolve an issue as opposed to a discussion forum.

I see you have a similar threading the Ladies Lounge, which is probably the more appropriate place for it. I'll close this one in the circumstances.

Thanks

HS