Work colleague contacting me during time off

Deeec

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119896314#Comment_119896314

OP - sit down and read your post and hopefully you realise that you are being unreasonable. Your problems with this person is really petty - you are doing ok if this is all you have to worry about.

• she contacted you when you were sick - presumably to check if you are ok. What is wrong with that?
• You forgot to put on your uniform in work ( which seems very careless on your part being honest) - she told you to put it on. Again this looks like she is looking out for you. She saved you getting in trouble with your boss.
• Phone use - its common practice in every job to be reminded from time to time not to use your phone during work hours. You appear to think that she is the cause of the supervisor saying this when she probably has nothing to do with it at all! It could be all in your head.
• Overloading your table - well put it back on her table! She will soon get the message when you are assertive about this.

Now OP I would be very careful about going to management about this. First you need to ask yourself if you are doing good at your job - forgetting to put on your uniform and your co-worker prompting you on what needs to be done could suggest you are not super in your at preforming your role ( Im not saying you are a bad employee by the way - I just want you to give this some consideration). She could be watching you because you need watching!

I suppose what Im trying to say OP is that you need to consider who is the problem - you or your co-worker.

spakman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119897874#Comment_119897874

Co-worker also asked OP to let her know when she got to her hotel when she was going away for weekend.

They're obviously not friends outside of work, so that is odd behaviour and OTT and OP is well within her rights to yell the co-worker to back off.

Pistachio19

Block her on facebook. Ask your manager if you are supposed to be answerable to this person as she seems to be taking it upon herself to comment on things that have nothing to do with her. From now on be civil but don't tell her anything about your personal life.

Deeec

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119897950#Comment_119897950

Its called being friendly! The OP is lucky to have a friend who cares that she is safely at their destination. The OP has also posted before on boards that she has no family - her co-worker may think OP is a little vulnerable and is looking out for her. The co-worker hasnt tried to call around to her house, stalk her etc. In my opinion the OP is over reacting.

fun loving criminal

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119897874#Comment_119897874

She contacted me when I was out sick to ask me why I wasn't in.

Management doesn't care about the uniform.

She might not have anything to do with the supervisor telling us about the phone use. But she made it clear that she didn't like me on the phone while other people are working (by other people, she meant herself). Management never had an issue about phone use until after this happened. It's just a funny coincidence really. I didn't like the tone that she used towards me when she said it wasn't fair people using phones when other people are working. Yet, she's not saying anything to anyone else.

I really don't like someone looking over my shoulder like this. Management doesn't have an issue with my work either, so I don't need someone watching over me. So thanks for calling me useless.

fun loving criminal

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119897997#Comment_119897997

Being watched and pulled up on things isn't being friendly.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119898037#Comment_119898037

Honestly just tell her to go away with herself.

Block them on all communication environments.

Ignore outside of work.

fun loving criminal

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119897961#Comment_119897961

I'm careful about my personal life. I never told her anything about family problems, so I don't need this person looking out for me during my time off. Very hard to avoid telling people what you're up to for days off as it's just general chit chat. And it's hard not to notice if I'm not I'm work, so she feels the need to message me and ask me why I'm not in.

I could let the messages slide as someone being friendly or concerned or whatever. But watching me in my job. I don't need to be watched in my job and management doesn't have an issue with uniform or with my work.

spakman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119897997#Comment_119897997

it could be friendly, or it could be controlling and over bearing.

Neither of us know the tone used or type of person involved.

fun loving criminal

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119897522#Comment_119897522

So I left things after writing this post. I never got the manager involved because of your reply and I think I would have to bring it up with the person before bringing it up with the manager.

Things was actually quite good for a while until a few weeks ago. I got added to a work WhatsApp group which I wasn't happy about because my number is right there in the group. And true enough, this person has gotten my number from the WhatsApp group and has messaged me a few times. The messages could be passed off as concern really because I was out sick with the flu. Messages which I have ignored because it's outside from work and I'm just not interested in being friends with this person outside from work. They watch over me and my work while in work that I don't want to be friends with them outside of work. Friends don't watch people like this.

There's another person that is out sick this week and I was talking to this person in work and asked them did they hear from the person that's out from work and they said no because they didn't have their number!!! ... Yet, the person who's out sick is in the WhatsApp group, so it's easy to get their number. That didn't stop her from getting my number though which I find completely unacceptable. But I said it to them, that it didn't stop them from getting my number, so I'm hoping this was a bit cheeky from me and they will realise themselves.

So she's just messaging me outside from work. They don't seem to want to make any other friends in work. They won't take part in team events. But they have latched onto me and continues to watch my work in work which I am not liking one bit.

I have ignored their messages. I thought about changing my online status but then I won't bother doing that, I want them to see that I'm online and just ignored their message. And so far that has worked. But I thought things were going well a few weeks ago, so who knows.

If she messages me again, what can I tell them because I think I need to tell them to back off before I escalate things and talk to the manager. But I'm also trying to be careful as I still have to work with them and I don't want to be causing a bad atmosphere in work.

arrianalexander

If you were added to a work Whatsapp group without your consent , this needs to be addressed with management.

And you have an example of why you didn't want to be added , people accessing your personal information (your number ) with out consent.

As for your colleague , either ignore the messages , speak to them , or speak to management about it. The choices are quite simple.

Deeec

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120072200#Comment_120072200

Jayzis you are really overthinking this!

How to solve the problem - Remove yourself from the whatsapp group given it seems to annoy you so much and tell work you dont want to be included. Ask this person to stop contacting you ( even though they are just being nice to you) and your problem is solved. Before you do this have a think and remember friends in work is actually a good thing. I would deal with this myself rather than going to management - management may find your behaviour strange being honest and it may do you no favours from a work point of view.

Have you thought about getting counselling as you seem to find issues with people that other people would not find - Im serious about this and its not meant to be insulting.

TuamJ

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120072450#Comment_120072450

Following on from this point my first thought was that you seem 'vulnerable' to this person and this is why they are (in their own way) watching out for you at work and contacting you. They could feel like you are left out/quiet/not engaging/don't seem to have friends and they think reaching out to you and keeping an eye on you at work is a way of including you, ensuring you're not ignored. If the person is extroverted this is very likely imo. Extroverted people often mistake introverts for being lonely, shy and isolated. I don't mean this in a cruel way [I'm an introverted odd duck myself] but since your posts here come across as quite strange you likely come across that way in real life in a way that your other colleagues don't hence you sticking out as a vulnerable person.

It's fine to want to keep to yourself and it's fine to want to keep work at work and not get involved in any personal friendships with colleagues but you do need to be able to communicate that. Firmly but politely. You seem to have trouble communicating this and instead, you overthink and ruminate and come up with more sinister reasons for this person's messages. I have to agree that if you go to management you will be the one who seems - odd - and they may just refer you to EPA/coaching/whatever they have in place for employee wellbeing. You could have ended all this months ago with a simple message. You could still end it by messaging the work group with a firm and polite message stating your preferences/boundaries for contact outside the workplace.

As an introvert, I do that as soon as I join a new team. I state clearly I don't do team socials and don't want to be on social Whatsapp groups. I will make friends during work hours and share my personal number with someone if we connect at work. I enjoy 1:1 but get overwhelmed in group situations. That is understood and people are actually quite supportive. Anyone who said 'ah are you sure' was coming from a place of kindness instead of nastiness. Most people are decent, please communicate clearly and give this person a chance instead of assuming they have sinister intentions.

KaneToad

I am in a work WhatsApp group. I was added by someone. I would never volunteer to be in it. I just mute the group and ignore it.

There are several hundred unread messages in there now. I don't lose any sleep over it.

fun loving criminal

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120089425#Comment_120089425

That's not the problem at all.

Dav010

Why do you need to be told on an online chat forum to tell this person to stop contacting you? Surely you could arrive at that decision by yourself.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120095632#Comment_120095632

Bit more complicated than that.

They work together. More easy to say work is work. My own time is my own time. I don't answer work messages from any colleagues out of hours.

fun loving criminal

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120089387#Comment_120089387

They aren't watching out for me. The first message they sent me could have been seen as nice. I.e.. have a nice weekend off.

But after that was just plain weird, or so I think. Asking me to tell her when I get to the hotel. Messaging me a few minutes after start time to see where I am when that's not their job. Having a nasty comment towards me using my phone for a few minutes but turning a blind eye towards others using their phones.

And what can you say after accepting the first message, which I didn't know it was going the way it was.

Now getting my number from the WhatsApp group and then telling me that they don't have other people's numbers to message them despite being in the same WhatsApp group.

Eircom_Sucks

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120097466#Comment_120097466

Dude you need to see somebody , grow a pair and just block said person simple

if asked why ? simple " you don't interact with workers outside work hrs "