Separated and dating

JohnMorris78

Hi,

Im separated (over a year) and have started seeing a new woman. I have two kids, and worried about how and when to explain this to them. How do I also communicate this to my Ex?

Any advice or suggested reading / podcasts welcome.

Thank you

Princess Calla

Depends on how old the kids are.

I wouldn't be in a rush to do introductions until you are sure the new relationship is serious and is something you're invested in.

The last thing kids need is a revolving door of parents "friends" .

Keep your time with your kids seperate so they know they are important to you and they are not sharing you.

Seth Brundle

How old are your kids?

Do you think your ex is not seeing anyone or holding out hopes to get back together?

YellowLead

I don’t think it’s wise to go introducing your new date too soon - how long has this new relationship been going on for?

Personally, I wouldn’t introduce them to my kids or let my ex know unless it was serious - unless your kids are adults and you kind of talk about that stuff anyway.

Manner14

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058264441/separated-and-dating

From my experience i kept it all separate from my young lad until i knew it was something serious. He didn't meet my new partner until close to a year after we had started seeing each other.

With regards your ex just depends on what kind of relationship you have with them. I didn't speak to my ex about my new partner until i was in a position to introduce my son to my new partner. Your ex doesn't need to know the ins and outs of your new relationship but may have concerns about who you are introducing the kids to so may ask to meet them (which my ex asked)

Dial Hard

I know people have strong and varying opinions on this, but unless your kids are in their teens I think you should be seeing a new partner about a year before even thinking about making introductions. I've two blended families in my family and I've seen first-hand how damaging it can be to introduce a new partner too soon.

You've only been separated a year - that's nothing in the grand scheme of things. Your kids are still getting their heads around that, let them do it without adding the complication of a new girlfriend into the mix.

Fwiw, my partner is also separated (over two years). We've been going almost 6 months but neither of us is in any rush to introduce me to his kids.

monkeybutter

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058264441/separated-and-dating

there are no rules to this

why not drop it into conversation with them before deciding

no kids will act the same also depends on how they took the break up etc and age

some will see it as betrayal so will see it as good thing

The obvious damaging thing would be getting introduced to multiple partners getting attached, then rejected again and again

you'll have a reasonable idea if that might happen yourself

Goodigal

In my head, I always said I would have to be seeing someone and see them in my future before introducing my boys to them. And said never earlier than a year or so. And I stuck with that. They're not that interested in him, we don't go on family days out or anything, but they know he exists. But his presence in my life doesn't impact on theirs.

You've only started to see someone, they don't need to meet your children just yet. If and when you get serious, then have a think about doing it. That's just me! Good luck with the new girlfriend.

JohnMorris78

No, I don’t so - on either count. I just want to be respectful and open, in case she hears through other channels

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119653184#Comment_119653184

Your romantic life has nothing to do with your ex, unless you're introducing them to your kids, that's different, otherwise you don't have to discuss your love life to her

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119653184#Comment_119653184

Wanting to politely and respectfully tell your ex you're seeing someone so she doesn't hear it second or third hand is an entirely separate matter to wanting to introduce a new partner to your kids.

By all means tell her if you want to and feel it's the right thing to do (and personally I think it is). Park the kids thing entirely for a while, though.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119650904#Comment_119650904

Some good points there.

I think it was 8 months before I met her kids and mine. There's no hurry. In my case there was background noise with her partner. 7.5 years later he'd still flip the lid if he found out she dared move on.

Anyways, it really depends on your relationship with the ex. The kids are far more important and again if you think it's going somewhere, no harm waiting.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119653525#Comment_119653525

None of her business who you're shagging, but I do agree with the polite "letting you know" message. After that...she has no say.