Maintaining a fitness lifestyle as a new father

KissMeArse

Hi all,

As per thread title, was looking to get some tips/advice/recommendations etc on this particular situation, particularly from those that are a parent to young kids or newborns.

Wife and I are expecting our first child in a few months, I'm obviously excited to meet the little one but at the same time I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit anxious about the whole lifestyle change that it will bring. I currently go to the gym 4-5 times a week and usually on days I don't go I head out for a walk or a swim now and again. I want to make it clear I'm under no illusions that I simply will not be carrying on with that routine when the child arrives. However, I don't want to go from that to basically doing absolutely nothing. I'm at an age and stage of my life where I rely hugely on the gym/exercise for my mental wellbeing and the thoughts of going weeks or months without being able to lift does fill me with a lot of anxiety. Exercising also helps me to eat well so I'm conscious of not wanting to slip into bad habits with food choices that can afflict many new parents.

I realise it may be a case of just having to squeeze in a bit of exercise here and there, if even at all. I suspect for the first few weeks (months even?) I'll likely struggle to fit in anything given how busy things will be. Also conscious that even if I did have a bit of time, the chances are I'll just be too exhausted to want to do anything.

What are your experiences - especially those (like myself) who exercised regularly before having a child and what did you end up doing after the child came along? Is it simply a case of accepting that you need to push all of that to one side for the first few months/years of the child's life? Or as mentioned above, did you find it possible to get in a session here and there?

It probably doesn't help that I'm about a 15min walk from my gym and usually do about a 70-80min workout so I'm taking steps now to try speed up my workouts. I understand it may be a case of (if I can get to the gym) just picking a few compound lifts and that's probably as much as I'll get in. Tbh I'm also wondering if it's worth even keeping my gym membership and if it's probably better to just freeze/cancel it altogether. There's a tiny gym in my apartment building that has a few dumbbells and machines which I could use, even though it will never feel like I'm doing a decent workout it's probably as good as I'll manage.

I don't want this post to come across as being selfish or naïve, obviously my child's and wife's wellbeing (and all the work that goes into that) comes first before any of my own needs, including exercise. I think people here who are regular gym-goers/exercisers and have that as a very key part of their lifestyle will know where I'm coming from. I'm just trying to understand if there's any sort of balance here. I can imagine life is going to become very tough and demanding and feel maintaining some semblance of a healthy lifestyle will help cope with the stress that brings.

Is there anything else you'd recommend I could/should start doing now to help with the transition, based on your experiences?

Thanks in advance lads

Esse85

From reading your post, you'll be a better father and husband with exercise in your life, you said it impacts your mental health, therefore I definitely wouldn't quit the membership, you need to find workarounds.

Speak with your wife, schedule in the time you can go, be it earlier in the morning or whenever your wife is happy to cover you.

60 mins is plenty unless your time is spent waiting on equipment. Avoid the peak times if possible.

Getting out for walks with the pram and baby can still be done.

The diet is on you, whether you exercise or not, absolutely no logic using the all in or nothing approach I often see where if people are not exercising, they say feck it and eat crap. That's like getting a puncture and then slashing another tyre.

In summary, just a matter of finding a routine that works for all 3 of you, that involves you having a conversation with your wife, I'm sure it won't be like clockwork at the start, nothing is but you'll find a way if you want to.

Humria

Hi OP,

It's completely natural that you are a bit anxious about how a baby will impact your life. It's wonderful but also a challenging time. As the previous poster mentioned, you and your wife will come to your own arrangements.

I'll tell you a little of what worked for us. Before our first child my husband played 5 aside 3 times a week and I went to gym classes 3 times a week. It's fair to say exercise had a regulating effect on both of us. My husband started playing one game a week again when the baba was 2/3 weeks old and two games when he was a few months old. From when the baba was about 9 months the way we structured it was he played soccer two days a week, and I went to classes two days a week. In terms of the gym routine, you'll find a new semblance of normal within a few months. It's not going to be what it is now but it's not nothing either. Obviously it's different the few weeks after the baby arrives (as life is upside down) but I think your wife getting an equal amount of time for herself/her hobbies will help in you getting to the gym.

In the first few weeks, there is no reason you cannot get out for a good walk with the baby every day. Get a good buggy and one of those harness baby carriers. Get some good rain gear and just decide you are getting out every day one way or another. It's actually a two for one, as you'll get a walk and your wife can get a nap. About a week after the baby was born, my husband dragged me out for a walk with him and the baba and although I resisted, the walk and fresh air really helped.

Good luck with adventure and if it all feels a bit overwhelming at time, that's completely normal. It'll get easier.

Cill94

The workouts will take a temporary hit due to less sleep, time and energy etc. but you can still do great stuff if you approach the workouts with efficiency in mind.

I think there's really two main ways you can go with this.

The first option would probably appeal to you more based on what you've said about the gym's role in your mental health. That would be to do the same/similar number of days, but shorter workouts. This could require going bodyweight from home. There's still a lot you could get out of multiple 30 min circuits a week composed of things like push-ups, lunges, chins. Getting a few bits of kit like a weight vest would really help here. Something like:

30 min circuit of:

Push-ups

Lunges

Chins/Row

Sit-Up

Slowly build total reps on each over the course of each week. If using a weight vest, increase weight once you hit 'x' number of total reps. 50 total push-ups and 100 total lunges for example. Jim Wendler has some good info on this kind of training: https://www.jimwendler.com/blogs/jimwendler-com/15-ideas-on-walrus-training

If you're dead set on lifting and keeping up the barbell stuff, then I'd probably go to just 2 full body 1 hour workouts a week. One big lift and 3-4 accessories could easily be banged out in an hour or less. Example:

A) Back Squat

B1) DB Bench

B2) DB Row

C1) Back Raise

C2) Abs

Next workout could be bench as main lift, with goblet squats as the leg accessory etc. Idea is to rotate main lift each workout so it takes 2 weeks to cover all 4 lifts (if doing squat, bench, dead, press)

relevanc

The walks you’ll be able to do every day weather permitting. Just get a good buggy (maybe a running/trail buggy).

The problem with you going to the gym 4-5 times a walk plus a swim, is that that will be additional time that your wife is minding the baby. And that free time (when you’re not working) will now need to be shared between you both in a manner that works for your relationship.

so if you are able to get 1-2 hours a day six days a week for leisure pursuits, then she should be able to get the same otherwise it’s a breeding ground for resentment. It will be very important for your wife’s wellbeing too.

Luxembourgo

Just had the third child. Doing 531 fat loss and prep at the moment. Pretty high intensity workout in 30 minutes. Really really like it.

You need to accept things are going to be mad for a while, but you still need to find time for you. And importantly try give your wife the same. Mine was into powerlifting at the time and it kept her sane.

Also baby sling and walk is great

And good luck!

Cill94

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119668740#Comment_119668740

Currently doing this myself. Crazy how quick the workouts can be done.

KissMeArse

Thanks very much lads, really appreciate the replies and recommendations/suggestions.

Fully understand it will be a challenging time but to try and maintain some sort of a balance where I can. Did you find tiredness/exhaustion limiting you from doing much? I can only imagine after being up all night the last thing you'd have energy for is to exercise (let alone holding down a full time job as well as looking after the baby). Do you learn to kind of adapt with minimal sleep?

How did you go with regards cooking - I heard recommendations to batch cook as much as possible to try save time during the week which I'm happy to do (keep doing really).

Again, happy to get any other recommendations here or things that I could possibly start doing now that might make things a bit easier when the baby comes along, whatever they may be.

Luxembourgo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119669409#Comment_119669409

Don't get minimal sleep. If you have a spare room use it. Especially if the baby is breast fed there is a limit to what you can do at night. You will get less sleep, but you need to be functional

Best advice I can give you new parents is not to both to do everything (we did with the first and we're both wrecked). Two tired parents helps noone. If you sleep at night you can do more in the day to help and let her nap etc.

Black Sheep

Three kids here.

Like a lot of people here, before children the wife and I trained with a really high frequency - 5-6 days a week - and it can be tough to adjust to a new reality where that is out the window for several months. You'll be back to it before she is, most likely.

I agree with some of the advice given above.

Training at home in a minimalist style is an option. On my first kid I did a lot of bodyweight work at home, squeezing it in through the day. Great time to improve your pullups in particular. The downside, it's less of a mental break and more limited programming wise.

Use the walking with the baby as low impact cardio, you'll be doing it anyway. You'll get a tonne of steps in, an absolutely **** tonne.

In gym terms I do think, presuming the baby and mum are well, it's credible that you can carve out 2-3 gym workouts for yourself a week, and try to make them count. Whole body, or upper/lower or even push/pull/legs.

You just might find yourself working hard to really earn that time. The best thing to do is prepare ahead of time, do your food prep, put the house in order, make sure the missus is happy (as happy as she can be) and then hope that you get the green light to walk about the door. It's sometimes said flippantly, but there is no truer saying than "happy wife, happy life" (Accepting not everyone is married, but the gist is the same).

An error we made, and I see all first time parents make it, is we thought parenting a baby is a two person job. At times it is, but often actually if one of you is minding the kid then the other should be doing another task or taking their break time. Even at night, carve it up. If your wife is breastfeeding, for example, you are of limited use during the night and there's a strong argument in favour of sleeping in a spare room or on the couch, and just being ready to be the one who is fresh and ready to work when the early morning / next day comes around.

Babies have no routine, they don't get sleep cycles or understand "training" or "routine" for a long time, and in general if they're sleeping and you're tired, one of you at least should be sleeping too, no matter what time of the day it is. Your sleep absolutely will tank unless you get flexible with when and where you're willing to nap.

If you do end up tired and run down, you do need to be aware that although your plan might have been to train hard in the limited time you have, you may need to reconsider that depending on how trashed you are. In particular, on my first kid I was accumulating a huge volume of pushups and pull ups at home and I did get an overuse injury that I feel was partly due to being a bit dehydrated, tired and underrecovered.

Good luck!

Padre_Pio

Resistance training. Push ups, pull ups etc.

Put the baby on your back. More resistance as the baby gets heavier :)

BKWDR

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119669426#Comment_119669426

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119669984#Comment_119669984

These two posts hit it for me.

First and foremost, you don't sound like you would be selfish about it but for the first while, let things settle down and let your wife and you get into a routine, as a family get as much fresh air as possible, where possible. The advice of taking the baby for a walk is great, jesus i think i took my first lad out on a 13km walk one saturday. Strapped in a podcast and away we went. Your wife will appreciate the down /alone time to recover or just rest.

Be too soon with a newborn but look into a running buggy with the big tyres, as soon as the child is the right weight / size you can pop them in there and away you go for a jog or run / walk

If the baby is being breastfed, expect that your wife may struggle and will need all the support you can give and encourage her for. It aint easy all the time and is draining. Be sure to step in and let the baby nap with you between so your wife can take breaks. There might be a routine around feeding when it settles where you can carve out an hour for training, have your gym gear prepared and accept it wont be the leisurely couple hours in the gym as before, get in and get it done and make it count. Word of advice, don't complain about being tired from your exercise / weight sessions.

If you return to work, the best bit of advice or anything i've ever done is to work my exercise AROUND work. Cycle / walk / run in. See if you can squeeze in 30 mins gym on your lunch and eat at your desk etc.

Aside from that, maybe just step up your game if you need to in the kitchen, make your batch meals, and that way you can have food for the mrs and your nutrition can be relatively measurable.

If you can, maybe pause the gym membership for a month or two and maybe invest in a trx / kettlebell or dumbells until you get out the gap.

Congrats on the impending arrive btw

KissMeArse

Thanks so much again folks, really appreciate the time taken for those detailed replies and some really great tips and recommendations there too.

Will definitely prioritise the support to my wife and making sure things are ok from that end before even thinking of getting a work out in. It may be hard at first to accept doing bodyweight exercises and walking as I never feel like I'm really challenging myself but will just have to get used to it until things calm down a bit and it's definitely better than doing nothing.

Really good advice also (and it's not the first time I have heard it) around ensuring one of us is doing something else while the other is looking after the child, pointless one person feeding the child while the other watches on etc. Will have to get pretty efficient with time and squeeze things in/do things on the fly. Good idea to keep things prepped for when an opportunity for a work out comes up.

We have a pretty good routine with batch cooking so will look to keep that going. We don't smoke, not really into drinking at all and tbh only have a small circle of friends (we live abroad, not in Ireland) so I'm hoping that will all mean we won't miss going out/socialising anyway. We've good sleep habits too, usually in bed by 10 latest on school nights so again, will be looking to maintain those where we can.

Cheers lads

dmn22

I subscribe to Apple Fitness Plus on my phone and iPad (think it's about 85EUR for 12 months). Has a load of workouts on it which I normally do 3 times a week which takes 30 mins or so each time. I find it great and have definitely noticed an improvement in my strength and better flexibility and posture. The only equipment you really need are dumbbells and a mat. Might be worth checking it out as I do them all from home which saves time travelling to and from a gym.

KissMeArse

Hi all, OP back again. Wife had the child a few weeks ago so have been just reading back over the comments here again! Thankfully have been able to get to the gym a few times here and there although I'm trying to keep them under an hour.

In order to maximise time I've decided to just try stick to compound movements and rotate between these two, alternating each gym session:

Session A: Deadlifts, Pull Ups, Bench Press

Session B: Squats, OHP, Rows

BP I tend to alternate between barbell in one session, dumbbells the next (same with OHP). With squats I'm going to alternate that with one or two single leg movements (lunges, single leg hip thrusts) due to a niggly knee issue that I went to the physio recently for that he recommended me to focus on.

Any recommendations on the above that I should consider adding in? Anything obvious missing?

Esse85

Sounds pretty efficient to me, all I would comment on is to include mobility/ stretching/foam rolling which can be done from at home as your CNS will get hammered from that type of workout.

Black Sheep

I imagine his CNS will be absolutely fine.

Even with a newborn in the house, training three movements twice a week leaves a lot of room for recovery.

CNS fatigue is a bit of a myth for most trainees tbh.

Cill94

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120013058#Comment_120013058

None of that stuff does much for recovery.. Using sensible training loads, and eating and sleeping is what ensures proper recovery.

His plan is pretty similar to what majority of my clients do.

Esse85

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120016041#Comment_120016041

It certainly won't do any harm, it will be good for injury prevention too, my comment wasn't exclusive to doing that solely for recovery.

Good for you and your clients.

KissMeArse

Thanks for the validation lads, once again appreciate the time to reply.

Fully appreciate the need for stretching and foam rolling, I have good intentions of doing it but is one of those things I go through cycles of religiously doing it to just simply either forgetting or not having time. As mentioned, physio has given me a few movements to do recently (scorpion stretches, cat/cow, side plank clamshells with a resistance band, side plank leg raises with resistance band and single leg hip thrusts with a 10kg medicine ball/dumbbell on my lap) and so far I'm getting those done anyway.

Hoping all of that combined with the general movements of the compound lifts should have me covered!

Thanks again.

Cill94

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120016135#Comment_120016135

The science says they're bad at injury prevention too actually man. 🤷 Again, not training like an eejit has the biggest impact there.

To be clear though, if someone wants to do foam rolling and mobility work because they like it, that's totally fine. Just no need to attach unsubstantiated narratives to them.

Esse85

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120017193#Comment_120017193

Sure thing dude.

You'll find plenty of science and testimonials from people who have found that stretching, mobility and foam rolling have all helped with regards to recovery and injury prevention too.