Terminally ill with cancer

DARK-KNIGHT

Hi folks mam went into hospital last Sunday with pain in side

24 hours later and we have been told she is terminally ill with cancer spread through her

Absolutely devastated

Any advice? She has dementia aswell so she is confused but she is in agony

Docs have said no point doing a biopsy as it's too late

I'm just miserable thinking about it

Jim_Hodge

So sorry to hear this. We went through similar a few years ago. Just ensure she is given all the pain relieve possible. Although she has dementia, spend as much time as possible with her and try to put on a brave face for her. It's not easy. There's no real answer or advice can be given.

Pissy Missy

I'm afraid I don't have advice, just want to say I'm truly sorry for this devastating news 😔 hope all of you have plenty of support around you, especially your mum

DARK-KNIGHT

Thanks folks

Ah she has two loving sons, a daughter and husband

We will take care of her til the end

Tbh my head is all over the place.

Frightened for her, the thought of not being able to hug her, talk to her, to see her with my children and to see my children feel the pain of losing her

Spend as much time with your parents as you possibly can folks

Have no regrets in life as when the time comes it doesn't matter about the past

God bless you all 😔

Gremlinertia

Hey Dark Knight, first off I'm terribly sorry for the awful shock you have all just had. There are some Cancer charities that help with care and also care of those affected by the diagnosis, for instance there's Cancer Care West over this side of the country.

Secondly, there is a Terminal Illness forum here: https://www.boards.ie/categories/terminal-illness if you would like me to move thread there.

Take care of each other, everyone will manage differently, there's no right way to do so..

NSAman

SO sorry to hear this Dark Knight. Of course it is a shock and something that you ALL have to go through.

Just take one day at a time. Paramount is that Mama is made as comfortable as possible. You all sound like a great family and I'm sure your thoughts are everywhere right now.

One thing, just talk to each other. I know it sounds silly, but talking helps. There are times I am sure you want to ball your eyes out. DO IT!

As others have said, everyone reacts differently. I know in myself I thought I was a strong person, but when it happens it can hit you like a tonne of bricks. Just spend as much time as you can with Mama. Make sure nothing is left unsaid.

In the meantime, look after yourself.

NiceFella

Very sorry to hear of this, I know what you are going through. I lost my mam a few months back who had been battling it for a few years.

As Jim Hodge said, let her have all the pain relief she wants. Play her some of her favorite songs which will relax her and just talk about normal stuff. Ask her any questions you always wanted to ask if you think she is up to it. Family history was one I chatted with her on.

I took a recording of my mam (she didn't notice it) just of her talking about ordinary things as I didn't really have one of her. It's my most prised possession now.

God bless.

DARK-KNIGHT

Thank you all so much

Tbh you have given me something to think about

Time is everything now and she needs to be comfortable

Thanks again

Gael23

You perhaps need to have a conversation with her doctors regarding palliative care and what happens next. They will consider your wishes and preferences as well as what’s best for her. I suspect due to the dementia that home care may not be possible but only her doctors know this

DARK-KNIGHT

Hi folks

My Mam passed away 2 weeks ago after a very short but very brave fight with cancer. Absolutely devastated,

Cancer is awfulgod bless anyone who has to go through it

Gremlinertia

I'm so sorry for your loss, just unfair isn't it?. Please remember to take care of yourself now, time for grief is important

mun1

Lost my mam on Christmas Eve 2 years ago to cancer. Really miss her.

make sure you and your family take time to grieve properly.

My thoughts are with you.

banie01

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119888480#Comment_119888480

I am sorry for your loss DK. May memories of your Mam in happier times be a light in the darkness of the grief to come.

HildaOgdenx

I'm so sorry for your loss @DARK-KNIGHT

May your mam rest in peace.

Mind yourself.

goldenhoarde

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119888480#Comment_119888480

So sorry to hear this Dark-knight.

May she rest in peace

Look after yourself

NiceFella

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119888480#Comment_119888480

Sorry for your loss DK. It takes time I have been told. God give you and your family strength.

wiz569

So sorry for your loss @DARK-KNIGHT

May she rest in peace and dont forget to take care of yourself too m8.

DARK-KNIGHT

Thanks folks

Been an awful time

I may go for counselling, a dark fog hanging over me

NSAman

So sorry for your loss..look after you…it’s a hard road but you get there, sort of, eventually.

take your time, it hits you at weird times. It leaves you drained, but you deal with it….eventually.

thoughts are with you DK.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119888480#Comment_119888480

Sorry for your news. You have a tough time ahead of you following your loss. All the best.

DARK-KNIGHT

Hi folks

I went back to work 2 days after my mam passed away and I work in social care with service users with autism

I have buried my head in the sand since and tbh I have burned myself out having worked over 220 hours a month since

I have hit a wall recently and my mental health has suffered

My job want to put me in a different house with service users with very high needs..

I'm scarred having seen my mam suffer at the end and I don't think I can see end of life care again

Please offer advice as I can't call the woman who gave the best advice

Time is not a healer folks..

Jesus I am just on my knees now

Best regards

DK

Dunph

You have not recovered.

Your return to work is a natural instinct, like many caregivers you will prioritise those who you perceive as needing care over your own self care. You did nothing wrong, this is a human response.

The trauma you experienced is still affecting you. You need a step away from caring for others to care for yourself. You need time to grieve, to be angry and hurt and desolate, and to rebuild yourself in a new world. Please take that time now.

Galwayguy35

RIP sorry for your loss.

Its a terrible shock when a parent who was always there for you is gone, I felt the same as you do now when my mother and father passed many years ago but although it doesn't seem like it now as time goes on its gets a bit easier to live with the loss.