Still stuck after breakup

allthequestions

Hi everyone, I went through a breakup from a 5 year relationship 6 months ago. I have started dating, am trying to socialise as much as possible and trying to look after myself, I also see a therapist.

I haven't been in contact with my ex since which I thought would help. But I still feel stuck and I feel like it was only yesterday we were together even though so much has happened since we parted ways. I'm better able to function now than I was a few months back so the intense sadness side has definately gotten better but I still love with this person. What scares me is that this feeling of love won't go away. I don't want to be in love with someone who isn't mine.

People keep telling me it's a time thing but I'm getting scared that it's going to be a long long time... I would love to hear how other people moved on? Or how long people who had similar experiences felt like this for.

Thelonious Monk

6 months isn't that long. You'll be fine eventually. I wouldn't bother dating for a while if I were you. Just focus on yourself and keep going day by day. You love a memory of someone in the past now, that doesn't exist any more. I guarantee you you'll eventually feel better about the situation but you need to focus on yourself and try and be positive. Good luck!

YellowLead

A five year relationship is very significant, so it’s only natural 6 months later to still be upset - particularly if you weren’t the one doing the breaking up.

The people telling you it will take time are right, it really is the only healer I don’t think there is a way to fast forward the process. Mindset helps too - acknowledging how you feel without allowing and wishing for the past- accepting you are hurting but accepting you’ll move on. Try and take up wallowing time with new hobbies, friends etc.

discoinferno

I feel for you OP. Going through a break up too. He didn’t treat me right and pushed me to my limits and I just couldn’t put up with his lies anymore and I ended it. Funnily enough, I miss him despite how awful he made me feel at times. I even feel I may have made the wrong decision even though everyone and the dog on the street has confirmed I was in the right when ending it. It feels like a blurred memory now and as if we are taking space rather than over. Like it’s all such a shame. Our memories ruined as if they meant nothing and didn’t happen.

We spoke everyday and now it’s like we are strangers. No contact. I miss him at times. I wish we could sit down and talk honestly but I know that’s not possible as both people have to come to the table and maturely engage in conversation. I know he won’t do that. We are different in that sense. I am trying to go through the motions but it’s so hard so I try to avoid being idle for too long. It’s hard too because the only other person who understands is ironically the ex not talking to you.

i try to to meet up with friends often, work overtime, keep busy. People are telling me time is a healer and this will pass. To stay busy but what I’m finding the last few weeks is you can’t outrun grief. You are grieving for a relationship. You have to go through it. No matter how many gym classes or nights out you go to, it catches up with you when you are driving home alone after work or lying in bed with radio silence on the phone. No more goodnight texts.

“Omg what have I done” often replays in my mind and of course, the good memories only replay over and over. Typical.

So I just want to say you are not alone and give yourself time to heal. Cry if you want to. Get angry if you want to. Rant and rave to the girls. Just let it out. Don’t feel bad for feeling bad still. 5 years is a long time.

Staying busy only gets you so far. One thing I would say is stay away from social media. It’s the only platform where “no contact” exes will try and hurt the other one without necessarily communicating directly whether it be through new “friendships” or photos of their fantastic life post break up. I’m off social media at the moment to avoid further hurt. So take time OP, surround yourself with friends/family, accept help as you are doing and talk it out and maybe look at a new hobby or sport where you can meet new friends or bring current friends.

Maybe it’s a little too early for dating. Give yourself a break.

Count Dracula

Take your time and enjoy your freedom. It will take time for you to get over an old relationship. Try not to dwell on it.

When you do start dating again, try to avoid comparing new people with your old partner, this is a dangerous trap to fall into. No one should be compared with someone else. You should not be looking to replace your old partner, you are looking for a fresh start in your love life, not a rehash of your old one.