Worried about post break up

Starting seeing someone. A bit older than me, but that's not unusual for me either. We went out to a pub with live music, then hit a nightclub after. It went really, really well. Couldn't believe it. Went out for lunch, then spent the night together in a hotel. Also went out that night for a pub quiz.

Next day she brought me home. Couple of hours later I get a message asking if I want to go to the cinema. I did actually really want to go, but I'm on a Disability Allowance and the cost of the night in the hotel alone was half my payment for the week, then factor in a fair few drinks and other things, I was (am) potless until next week. I was also extremely tired/worn out. So I declined as politely as possible. Wasn't received well and I got back bitchy and passive aggressive texts. Initially, I was sending back messages saying that I was sorry, but I eventually just blocked her before she replied. Was just leaving me on read. I've been down this feeling like I need to apologise for every tiny normal little thing before.

Honestly, the relationship I'm referring to is partly why I'm on certain medications today. Anyway, fast forward to late this morning. I'm walking with my brother to take him to see a college he's starting at. He's not the best socially and needs to be held by the hand a bit. I get a phone call from a public number and it's her, upset that I blocked her. Why did I block her? Am I going to unblock her? I'm a horrible person etc etc. I keep completely civil, but tell her that's not going to happen, and that I've been down this road before. She hangs up. Couple of hours later, I get a message from a Skype number (don't know how that works) and surprise, it's her again. The gist of the message is that I'm just like the rest, **** her, then leave her. Doesn't know how she got me so wrong. I have mental health issues, so I should what a horrible thing I'd done. That kind of **** can push someone over the edge. I should be ashamed for treating a good honest woman like that.

I really regret having sex with her now. I know that there's a 99% chance she's just trying to **** with my head over that particular fact, but it's eating me alive. It just so happened that she showed her cards to me after we had sex.

Only other person I've talked to this about is a mate of mine. Says to keep screenshots of messages and call history in case she does something "nuts". Which, I won't lie is something I really didn't want to hear considering she has my address. Although, I do have hers too.

This whole thing has been an emotional roller coaster, and I'm so angry with how it turned out. I'm so upset the relationship didn't work out. I'm upset enough I feel like puking, which is new for me and it feels awful.

evolvingtipperary101

Just blocking her like that was extreme. I can't blame her for wanting an answer for being blocked so quickly. Should've talked to her to explain the financial situation. She probably would've helped you out.

Caranica

There's no break up because there's no relationship. A relationship doesn't start and finish in 5 days. Looks like you dated on an accelerated level, that's an awful lot of time to spend together in a less than a week.

Honesty is more important than politeness imo so I think you may not be entirely blameless for some of her reactions, but tbh it sounds like you've had a lucky escape. Put it behind you and work on your issues. Don't rush into anything again.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119715480#Comment_119715480

I did explain the financial situation and she didn't mind forking out for it. But two things; 1 I'm not really a huge fan of dates paying for me, can't explain it, just feels wrong. 2, as I said to her, I was really tired and worn down. It was the first and only time I declined going out with her. I'm entitled to a bit of rest no?

YellowLead

I think you were right to block her - because she was being bitchy and unreasonable. You barely knew the woman and she was acting like that. Albeit the fact you called it a relationship and a break up sounds like there were a pair of you in it.

As another poster said it was an accelerated thing, it didn’t have time to build properly and so it fizzled, or in your case, crashed and burned.

Contacting you via various platforms is loopy in the extreme. Hopefully she will just go away but I’ve heard stories from male friends on the apps who have encountered this kind of thing which sometimes is relentless and guards have to be called.

You did the right thing by ending it, she’ll probably leave you alone when she gets a date with somebody else - hopefully for your sake that’s easy enough for her to find.

Be careful who you trust in future and take things at a slower pace perhaps.

Thanks for that.

She only knew my address in the first place because she "didn't want me to have to take a bus or train to see her". I assure you, It's not something I throw around regularly. I know hers because we got a cab back to her place while I waited for another cab to take me back home.

Also, I know relationship perhaps isn't the right word, but I didn't know what else to call it. It wasn't just a casual sex thing.

evolvingtipperary101

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119715561#Comment_119715561

That's all fair.

But I don't think it's fair to assume that her initial soreness at being rejected would last more than a day or two.

Keep the records just to be safe - sound advice.

Real wackos are rare though.

The initial hurt (from her perspective of being used for sex) probably caused her to find ways of communicating that you. It should ware off soon. If she continues, warn her about how she's freaking you out and you'll contact the authorities.

Jequ0n

Your friend is right. Keep track of every interaction (screenshots), do not engage, and don’t meet her. She seems to be very obvious and overly aggressive, which might be a blessing in disguise because you spotted it so early.

road_high

Sounds like a right nutter. I would say pay heed to red flags like these early on as they tell a very important story

peckerhead

"I'm just like the rest, **** her, then leave her. Doesn't know how she got me so wrong. I have mental health issues, so I should what a horrible thing I'd done. That kind of **** can push someone over the edge. I should be ashamed for treating a good honest woman like that."

I know this is your paraphrase, not her actual words, but this kind of reaction suggests an emotionally unstable person with LOADS of baggage, or an outright fruitcake.

You've done nothing wrong, and this trope (tripe) about being 'used for sex' is unfortunately far too common. If a man behaved like this to a woman it'd be considered abusive. Keep the screenshots, and talk to people about it, because I suspect the woman is not. Or else she's telling them what a using, conniving bastard you turned out to be.

Big Bag of Chips

She had sex with you, with consent, I assume. You didn't force her or trick her into anything. Maybe this will be a lesson for her too to slow things down initially. She can't blame you for her actions.

In less than a week you saw each other Saturday, Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and were planning more. Sounds like neither of you have much experience of dating and jumped from 0-100 in a few days. Got caught up in the thrill.

Ignore everything now. It's only been a few hours. She'll calm down and move on. But learn from this and don't go all in so quick.