online dating

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120105959#Comment_120105959

I wouldn’t say that, it was nearly two years into the relationship so I understood it, but we just had different ideas of what we wanted going forward.

Yeah I find I’m a lot more sure of myself and what I want/don’t want now I’m older. When I was in my 20s dating guys 10+ years older than me I definitely wasn’t as confident in myself.

I think everyone can name at least one Pokémon - I’m a Charmander fan myself 😂

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120105972#Comment_120105972

Of course. I'm not sure it's confidence. It's more not giving as much of a crap. Maybe that's confidence?

If I'm ever single again I'm pretty sure I'll be steering away from relationships.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120105981#Comment_120105981

I think in my case it's a combination of both. Less giving a crap about what other people think about me and more confidence in who I am as a person, .i.e not questioning myself when faced with narc/manipulative guys and an ability to pick up on those things pretty quickly.

I was having a conversation about my little sister the other day and her relationship dramas, and I said that she's stopped taking sh1t from guys now and has much higher standards because she's happier in herself as a whole, whereas when she wasn't happy she settled for guys who treated her badly just so she'd be unhappy with someone instead of unhappy alone. It made me realise I had that transition a few years ago too. I mean, I've been lucky enough overall with the men in my life, but there have been a few who massively fcuked me about when I was younger for far too long, that I absolutely would not stand for now.

Confused11811

@[Deleted User]

Have you come across many narcissists ?

I've come across a couple (female ones) before Xmas myself which has been a big eye opener!!

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120106046#Comment_120106046

Very fair and valid points.

I suppose its more experience. What I'd put up with 20 years ago is given short shrift now. I suppose I value myself more now. Greedy perhaps but also I'm more intune with a partners needs and personality.

Just lucky that I met somebody who is a big of a mentaler as myself!

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120106100#Comment_120106100

A few. I’m not keen on people being labeled narcissistic just because they’re assholes, but some do cross the line. I mean everyone has some level of narcissistic traits but there’s a big difference in that and the way actual narcissists can be emotionally manipulative and completely blind to their own behaviour. I haven’t always been the princess of emotional stability myself but I’ve always been very open and self aware in that regard.

I’d be much faster to catch on to it now though. Sorry to hear you had those encounters. 😕

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120106104#Comment_120106104

Perfect match so! 😊

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120106115#Comment_120106115

Yep!

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120106136#Comment_120106136

Really sorry to hear you went through that. You did what you thought was right for you at the time, don’t let it ruin what could be right for you in the future. You never know what’s going to happen down the line and prophesying based on past bad experiences never helps anyone. I know it’s tough going but try to stay open to something new & better.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120106151#Comment_120106151

I actually don't know, the convo tapered off, he was fairly boring and I lost interest. Been chatting to the other guy I mentioned who messaged me on FB, that's going well, but he lives a few hours away so we'll see.

I'm always up late, night owl.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120106172#Comment_120106172

Na, I wouldn't meet someone after just a few days. I know some people prefer that but it's usually a few weeks for me. I'll see. Another guy messaged me on Hinge who's caught my interest too and been chatting to him a bit, so I'm not sure yet. Not complaining about options though!

You have any chats going on yourself?

A fella just popped up on my Facebook Dating likes and I couldn't figure out where I knew him from. Just realised it's from Tik Tok - he has a whole thirst trap "Daddy Dom" thing, it's so cringy, I actually sent it to my friend the other day going "WTF is this". Small fcuking world. I don't know how anyone could date him even if that's what they were looking for, not with the Tik Tok like, it's like an OnlyFans account! You'd have to be very very trusting!

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120106180#Comment_120106180

Actually, I just realised my posts might be coming across like I think I'm great or have my choice of men. It's not that at all (well, I'm still great, but that's just my own opinion :) ). It's just there are a few things in my life (healthwise mainly) that limit how much time/energy I have for going out meeting people, so I tend to wait until I'm fairly sure there will be a good click there.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120106191#Comment_120106191

I sent it to her Whatsapp, I don't follow him but he did follow me on it so maybe he recognised me - I dunno, I only have one photo on my TT, I don't personally use it for my own stuff.

It's a shame, I'd have been into him if I didn't see that first!

If you look at rejoining, I'd suggest Facebook Dating and Hinge, finding them the best the past few months.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120106112#Comment_120106112

You’d be surprised how many people ignore warning signs or the occasional slip of the mask because they really want to believe the person is someone else. Or the ones who even ignore it when you tell them directly what you are like. I don’t know why or how, but there is quite a lot of people like this out there.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120106210#Comment_120106210

Ah I’ve been guilty of it myself at times in the past . Sometimes you built up an idea of someone in your head and it takes a lot to realise/admit you were wrong about them.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120106213#Comment_120106213

and some never learn and keep gravitating towards the same old pattern. People are so different and interesting sometimes.

YellowLead

I’ve been lucky enough that I didn’t run into any truly nasty people. A bit of assholey behaviour now and then but nothing bad. Well there was one guy, but I got out of that after 6 weeks. I had no idea what I was doing at the start, the last time I was single I was 17 so dating in general - never mind online, was pretty much new to me. So my naivety did get me invested too soon at the start sometimes, but not anymore. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve gone too far in the other direction, am I too cynical and expecting everything to fail. It’s a tough one because you do need a degree of vulnerability in order to give things a chance.

raclle

I'd love to know what women's expectations really are. Are they looking for someone exceptionally good looking like the poster " ILoveYourVibes" or no baggage like kids or a previous marriage because as soon as you mention any of those they run faster than Usain Bolt. You'd often see a certain height requirement or a comment saying have your **** together.

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120106837#Comment_120106837

All of the above ✅✅✅ but then I know what I want

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120106837#Comment_120106837

If i still had a dating profile, i wouldn't put stuff like "must be over 5'9 etc" but i would be internally thinking it but im tall and i want the guy to be somewhat taller 🤷‍♀️ a person having their "shitt together" is very subjective, as a woman in her 30s, i would be expecting the man in his 30s to be driving, working and saving unless there was good reason for him not to. Again as someone in their 30s, lots of ppl my age have kids, are separated etc. So that has to be allowed for but ideally I would like to be with someone with no baggage, no jealous ex's etc.

pgj2015

I joined pof again, this time im matching but not going to talk to anyone first, have matched around 7, none of them have said hello.

The older woman liked me again for some reason, every time I join she likes me, its weird.

YellowLead

It’s different for every woman, there is no generic shopping list.

A lot of younger women (and men) with no kids of their own probably prefer do date somebody with no kids or ‘baggage’ . Not every woman is going for good looks - I guess if a woman is very good looking she has her pick of men so will likely gravitate to somebody else who is also good looking (or rich). I think most women just want somebody who is taller than them, it doesn’t necessarily matter the height. Some women prioritise intelligence (again if they are sharp themselves). As mentioned if in your 30s and dating and working yourself you do generally expect the other person to be working (unless a suitable reason why not).

Personally (as a 38 year old who already did the whole suburban settling down with kid for many years thing) I am looking for somebody in a similar boat, so I mainly date divorced men in their late 40s to mid 50s. They need to be emotionally intelligent, confident, and know what they want. And we need to have some sort of compatibility going on in terms of some kind of shared interest- be it movies, books, a sport or whatever. We need to share a sense of humour from the get go. And he needs to have integrity and be a good person of course.

pgj2015

Such a turn off for me seeing a profile picture with a nose ring, shows me you have zero originality and just copy whatever trend is in at the moment, I cant hang out with someone like that.

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120106923#Comment_120106923

Guess she likes the wipper shnappers

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120107010#Comment_120107010

on her profile it says no under 65s.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120107099#Comment_120107099

im really only on it for a laugh, happy being single.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120106946#Comment_120106946

Hang on a wee minute now, I'd like to speak up for those who had a myriad of tattoos and piercings (and cons!) years before it became part of the basic b1tch wardrobe.😂

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120107390#Comment_120107390

That's so weird

Mister Vain

It's the weekend so of course everyone is out hiking. 😆 I will have to try and organise a mid-week date.