online dating

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121116499#Comment_121116499

Personally I still think it’s useful to have in the mix. I think it’s very difficult to meet anyone regardless of method (OD vs real life etc), so I feel continuing with OD maximises my chances. Doesn’t mean I think I’ll meet anyone there but I don’t discount it because I don’t think I’ll meet anyone in real life easily either 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ljmscooter

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121117468#Comment_121117468

To quote Micheal " I'm a lover not a fighter " 😂,

Ok you can have him, he's below 80s Gere on my gay list anyway

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121117496#Comment_121117496

Okay maybe in this case the guy was decent but just acted incorrectly. I have gone on 100 dates or so over the past 3 years and only one time did I ghost. I hate that I did it and I’m not proud of it - but I don’t consider myself an asshole user because it was out of character for me. What happened was that I met somebody else I liked better. I meant to reply and say I’m sorry but etc etc but left it a day and then I got a bit of an aggressive text ‘is a text back to much to ask???’ and so I left it, didn’t reply to that at all. I feel bad…but it was a one off for me and not how I treat people usually.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121117586#Comment_121117586

Even if he is decent, I only know that he isn’t. You wouldn’t mind but he had no reason to ghost. I’m mature and easygoing. I’d have more respect for him if he was straight about it. I’ve bounced back over and over during the last few years trying & trying. I’m in my early 30s (nothing I can do about that, we all can’t stay 27 forever) I’m in shape and active, good looking, professional and outgoing. I’m just not good enough or ticking the boxes… and it seems the bar is unrealistically high these days. It’s like you have to look and be perfect and knowledgeable in every topic and anything less is not good enough for men who are far from perfect themselves on these apps.

It’s a joke. Definitely a man’s world.

I’ll go hide myself away now and accept my spinster reality of not being good enough.

/rant

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121117586#Comment_121117586

Oh I’ve also had aggressive responses like that in the past but there’s no reason (like your very valid one) for him to ghost me. I won’t be texting again. So he shouldn’t worry himself.

Sorry if coming across frustrated. I am and while I know this is a small thing and thank god it wasn’t 3 or more dates down the line, it has really upset me….

And I’m still waiting on a glass of white from breezy 🥲

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121117851#Comment_121117851

So you mention being good looking and professional. You can be those things and have a dud personality and nobody will date you. Good looking women have men approach them and want to date them all the time…but if the personality falls short it’s a non runner.

Things like being kind, being easy going, having a sense of humour, being able to hold a conversation etc are all things men like when they get to the 30s/40s settling down to get married. If you are those things and are also good looking - you would have your pick of men. So it is odd indeed.

Give it a break for a few months and try again :)

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121117895#Comment_121117895

Send him your picture 😀

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121118395#Comment_121118395

I think my experiences are very different to yours and others here tbh. Maybe it’s down to where I’m living.

In my area/city, it’s tough. Perfection and ticked boxes only.

I’ve been on dates where it’s been like a job interview or like I’m on rose of Tralee. And if I’m not impressing them with 10 hobbies and if I haven’t travelled the world, I’m a write off.

From my experience post Covid, wealth and social status is now what matters to men on dates now. I’m kind, outgoing, have a sense of humour and none of it is good enough because I’m not ticking the boxes.

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121118762#Comment_121118762

It must be the case of area. Because it’s not what matters in Dublin. Having said that there are certain types of profiles I’d never swipe on. Are you going for good looking educated wealthy men? If so, they obviously have their pick of women.

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121118778#Comment_121118778

Also - have you ever lived away from home? Lots of people living with parents to save moment to buy a house, but if you are in your 30s and have always lived at home I can see why that might be off putting rather than the fact you haven’t travelled the world.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121118778#Comment_121118778

I’m down south and actually strongly considering moving counties. Not just because of the dating scene but other things too. To sum up, my home county and the people here no longer align with my values. I don’t view wealth and social status as most important. A lot of people here are very judgemental and cliquey. There are other things more important in life.

Yeah I have to admit, I do swipe on a lot of them but not just them. Also, May I just add, I am educated, have my own career and good looking and get a lot of matches but for some reason, can’t land anyone. I reckon my location isn’t helping 🤷‍♀️

What’s Dublin like?

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121118834#Comment_121118834

Moving is usually a good idea if you have been in the same area your whole life, you get a different perspective and meet different people. Dublin is the most densely populated region so that does help on the dating scene.

You might get a bit of judgemental and cliquiness in certain parts of Dublin too to be fair - but in my experience that’s usually only the women.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121119036#Comment_121119036

Sorry for ranting. I’m just so disillusioned now. I was led on and then cut off out of nowhere for no reason (none that I’m aware of)

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121119223#Comment_121119223

I know it’s upsetting but it was only one date and not 3 months. He might have lied you at first and then changed his mind, he might not have led you on.

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121119570#Comment_121119570

Yeah but just avoid those women and let them on with it. If they what to be picky in that way it only impacts on them. Men are definitely more about looks. Plus they all looked pretty young - I am sure both genders are more superficial when young 🤷🏻‍♀️

YellowLead

Having a date tonight with the guy I bumped into when it last Saturday night. Will be interesting to see what I think when sober! His whattsap pic is very different to what I remember 🤪And we didn’t get to talk much as it was loud. But sure we will see

@YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121119715#Comment_121119715

Enjoy @YellowLead !! 😀

Pwindedd

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121119715#Comment_121119715

Oh hope it goes well !

Want a full rundown tomorrow please 😂

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121119751#Comment_121119751

Yes give me some hope with a feel good story 😉😂

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121119751#Comment_121119751

Not for me. Lovely guy - a really nice person. But zero shared sense of humour and just a different energy. I just need to be excited by conversation and that wasn’t there. Like last night with my friend we stayed up chatting until 3. I mean it makes no difference whether it’s a love interest or a friend or a work colleague - we are drawn (well I am) to people we can just chat away and have great conversation with. Being a nice person is not enough for me…it’s annoying that it isn’t because there are lots of nice guys out there but unless we click on either a humour level or an intellect level or something it’s just a non runner. But that guy is exactly the kind of guy that should be having kids, and being a husband. I hope he meets somebody.

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121119784#Comment_121119784

Not this time 🤪 But he was a lovely person and not the kind to ghost or string along. Which I find most guys to be that way to be honest.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121120801#Comment_121120801

I admire your confidence and how you’re able to call it straight away. I often give the benefit of the doubt or give them a chance “just in case” because I want to meet someone.

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121120973#Comment_121120973

Oh I’ve done that before but it just drags things out and makes it more awkward to let them down then. I’ve already been with somebody for 18 years, I have a son, so it’s either be with somebody where it’s great and everything is right or nothing at all. I don’t have any pressure to find somebody quickly or anything like that. I might never find anybody but that is better than being in the wrong relationship.

Wanting a relationship badly is actually a hindrance because we are more likely to ignore red flags. Eco fitness are now going to do singles hikes for the younger crowd (the one I’m in 35-55) so keep an eye out there. The first one is Dublin but I’m sure she will do one’s down the country too.

Pwindedd

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121120800#Comment_121120800

Ah bummer. But sounds like it wasn’t an unpleasant evening, at least.

Enjoy the walk today. Shame about the weather but I’m sure it’ll still be fun.

ruth...less

I'm happy single. Just go online dating for the chats.

ruth...less

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121121530#Comment_121121530

How am I wasting anyone's time?

ruth...less

If they didn't enjoy the bit of chit chat I wouldnt want to date them anyway.

Username here

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121121411#Comment_121121411

Are you equally upfront on the apps? Do you make it clear you're happy single, and are just there for chats?

ruth...less

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121121542#Comment_121121542

Yes I have a picture with a sign across my head. I like to detail every single thought I have ever had or predict I will ever have to a potential datee so they know exactly where they stand.

Bobby_Bolivia

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121117496#Comment_121117496

You'll just have to keep trying if you want to meet someone.

I've probably scrubbed the posts but I was in a similar situation to you not long ago. Relatively fresh to the OD scene. Went on two great dates with a girl, left the 2nd date with no doubts in my mind that we would meet again - she went on holidays the next morning and ghosted me the entire time she was away. Deleted her number, but she reached out again when she got back, I stupidly entertained it and organised 2 seperate dates (which she both suggested) which both ended up being cancelled by her for nonsense reasons. So I finally woke up and told her I'm done.

It's not just guys who are at that nonsense. I've had male friends who were ghosted plenty by women.

I am so, so thankful that happened with her. Because imagine if the 3rd date ended up happening - I could easily have ended up being strung along for weeks or months by someone who had already displayed so much sh*tty behaviour that they were never going to be good to me. Now at the time I felt a bit like you're feeling - bitter, annoyed, let down. Just dust yourself down and get back out there. I let myself get carried away by a good date or two like you did. Until you're getting to the 3rd-4th date point then try to stay very, very grounded about it.