How to cope with coming home to rural Ireland for Christmas?

dickdasr1234

Holymudderagod, does nobody read anymore? Papillon, big fire, glass of wine - the hours will pass unbeknownst to you.

Lots of isolated hoors populating this place!

BorneTobyWilde

You never miss what you've never known

-=al=-

Just enjoy it while you can. Booze is not the answer but it helps things along. You'll be back to your normal routine before you know it

iniscealtra

I grew up in a rural area three miles from a town and now live in a more rural area 15 mínutes drive to a shop. It’s all about attitude i think. Personally I love it. Get out for a walk. I live on a bothereen. Very little traffic. When at my parents i walk to the end of the road and back maybe twice a day. Meet between zero and three cars. Really enjoy it. At Home i walk the dog on the bog road - no cars. Call in to the neighbours for a chat. Growing up in a rural area you will know them so just call in. Do a few jobs for your parents. Bring in the timber or tidy the garden. If your Dad is farming give him a hand. Cook them dinner and listen to some music as you do it. Suggest visiting your aunts and uncles with your parents. They’ll drive. Get sorted as a named driver on their car. Download a few good books on your phone. Where i live and where I grew up there are no taxi’s either. I have walked the three miles home in my youth. The pub might bé difficult for you as you’re not driving. At the moment my seilf and the other half swap who’s driving and don’t stay out that late. Buy a bike and leave it at your parents for when you visit maybe.

iniscealtra

The website visitroscommon might help for some inspiration. If your parents are heading off some where sure hop in the car with them. You can also swim in the lake/river. It’ll definatley wake you up in the morning.

Jim2007

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120035668#Comment_120035668

So basically what you are saying is that as an adult in your 30s you are not able to keep yourself entertained for a few days! This is not a Christmas problem, but a general problem for you and it will get worse as you get older because there will be more times you’ll find yourself on your own for periods. Let 2023 be the year that you develop some hobbies and interests that you can use to fill those periods.

Foggy Jew

It’s the OP’s parents I sympathize with. Imagine having a lump of a 31yr old moping around your house whinging about how bored s/he is? Cop yourself on.

squidgainz

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120035710#Comment_120035710

It's a few days though , would ya not embrace chilling out and off work for a few days.

mykrodot

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120036956#Comment_120036956

I just moved myself to Kerry from East Meath only a month ago, a small village and the road is lit from my house the whole way into the village where there is a shop and pubs. I can go for walks at night if I want to. I had a 2.5 hour walk yesterday on the most beautiful quiet back roads, out to a coast, a ruin of a castle, saw curlews........

Ive already gone up to 2 hours away for swims and hikes, plus back into bigger cities like Limerick and Tralee (a town) for a bit of shopping . It helps that I love discovering and exploring. It's the best of everything but a car is essential. If OP had hired a car he probably wouldn't be writing this . I wouldn't last a day without a car here.

Furze99

Must be a few neighbours and the like you can call around to? Just by walking/ cycling, stick on a pair of wellies and a rain jacket, get out.

Also suggest asking your folks if there's any jobs around the place that need a bit of help on. Hardly want to start into major work but could well be all sorts of small things to be done, both indoors & out. Passed a neighbour yesterday and the college lads were out lifting spuds with the father.

Jim_Hodge

@Lurth Now imagine living 8 miles from a town, 4 from a village. It's pitch black outside, and it's been raining for the past five days. No place to walk in the winter after 4pm.

You're winding us up! That's hardly isolated. How about walking before 4pm? How about sucking it up for the sake of a visit to your parents and spend a few evenings catching up with them and any friends, neighbours or relatives?

As for "it's pitch black outside"...Christ on a bike!!

Downlinz

I think a lot of people can relate to the "nothing to do" outside the house vibe when visiting parents but the "cope" strategy is fairly simple. Enjoy spending time with your parents, watching tv, browsing the internet or just catch up on shows, podcasts etc. It can be pretty relaxing and enjoyable to have that kind of break from your regular routine and busy, active life.

It's a bit sad you consider doing that for just a couple of days as "depressing" since ultimately seeing your parents for Christmas should be the main reason for your visit.

DSN

I was this person. I'd be gone back after Stephens day couldn't do longer. However 10yrs & 2 kids later moved back built a house have a massive new group of friends & social life - would never move back. However we live in quite a nice spot - mountains lakes busy tourist town nearby. There are some fairly miserable isolated spots in the midlands it's not all the wonderful country life people on here making out & it also depends on your life stage. If you staying longer than couple days I think a car essential in your situation.

gormdubhgorm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120036948#Comment_120036948

Shouldn’t you be getting the car and bringing your parents around Roscommon?

Shows - Music - Films (My parents liked the latest one with Farrell and Gleeson for example) - go for walks in safer areas - meals out. Visit their old neighbours. Any time my auld fella goes back to Galway he loves driving around pointing out the neighbours houses who was related to who.

Stories from years ago. Wandering around Galway city telling me about the shops he used to go to ‘one time’.

This trip back to Ireland should be less about yourself and more about your parents. By extension giving yourself fond memories.

You came to see your parents do activities with them. Surely you know stuff yourself and your parents would like?

You sort of remind me of my country cousins large family. They went to the local pub. It was only themselves in it. They sat looking at each other and said ‘no craic tonight’. They didn’t know how to be the craic. Depending on others to be the ‘entertainment’.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058277044/how-to-cope-with-coming-home-to-rural-ireland-for-christmas

The only thing I will advise here is that your parents won't live forever so someday you may not even have them as a reason to go back. Focus on the fact that time is limited. I can fully appreciate when you have disconnected from your local area and the lack of things to do. Go for a nice walk and maybe just appreciate the stillness and quiet

awec

Lack of empathy on show for the OP here IMO. Not all families are the sort where they find each other entertaining for days on end. This is not unusual, it's totally normal. I can understand the OPs frustration, after a few days with my folks we all need a break from each other and to go have fun with other people, I am lucky enough that they don't live rurally so this has never been difficult.

I go to my in-laws occasionally around Christmas, they do live rurally and after a few days it does become fairly boring, I usually end up taking myself off to the local by myself just to get a break from the exact same people all day every day.

OP - the answer to your question is to just come back for shorter trips in future. Personally, I find Christmas day and Stephens day more than enough time.

maninasia

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120035711#Comment_120035711

Sad you need to lecture other people how to feel.

GTFU yourself.

Graces7

Fun? Oh dear! Do you need to be entertained all the time? Just take time out to appreciate a different pace.. Ask your parents what THEY would like you to do while you are so briefly there. Take them out somewhere.

maninasia

You have your siblings with you.

Bunch of moralisers telling other people how to feel and 'correct behaviour'.

gormdubhgorm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120037380#Comment_120037380

That doesn’t help the OP now does it? He/She is here now and wants stuff to do to be ‘entertained’ . Your suggestion is just a nice way of saying visit Ireland and his/her parents less . The OP would be less annoyed in future.

But I would argue that is completely the wrong mindset. And it will only make the OP worse in future. Not better and more open to a visit. It all seems couched in negativity.

The OP seems more concerned about themselves coping (for a couple of weeks) instead of how his/her parents are coping.

Plenty in big cities would pay good money for a couple of weeks of peace and quiet.

Sunny Disposition

It does sound very childish, complaining that the country is boring to visit. At 31 years of age! Visit for a shorter spell and rent a car next time.

awec

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120037428#Comment_120037428

I think you’re still projecting your own family view onto the OP.

Not all families work the same way.

plenty of people like weeks of quiet, plenty of people get bored after a few days.

plenty of families spend lots of time together, plenty prefer keeping it short and sweet.

The world is full of different people.

SouthWesterly

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120037173#Comment_120037173

You obviously missed lockdown where you could only go 2km for weeks on end. I did get out to the back lanes though and into the garden.

I've 7 beaches within a half hour of me from ballybunion down to inch. Some 10 minutes away. Kerry is a great place though. So much to see and do.

Wouldn't call Tralee great for shopping though 🤣

HazeDoll

Weirdly aggressive replies to the OP's plight. In fact I'd say your situation is common enough.

I grew up in the countryside in the midlands. My 'gang' have all left years ago, as have I. If we're around for a few days over Christmas it's not always possible to meet up. Of the few people I would still meet up with from 'home' only one of us drinks at all. If you're not interested in leaning against a bar getting plastered while being treated as an object of curiosity by locals then there's very little to do over Christmas.

Being trapped in a house with my immediate family is not a pleasant prospect. I have managed to limit my visit to arriving on Christmas morning and leaving that evening, citing commitments at home as a reason for not staying around.

At other times of year I'll visit for a few days and it's fine, but the forced confinement and thin veneer of Christmas cheer is unbearable.

Where I live now is probably even more isolated than where I grew up, but I have the place to myself and I don't ever feel trapped or alone. There is something about being compelled to spend a prolonged period with immediate family that fills me with real dread. I feel like I can't breath and I take tactical toilet breaks or find reasons to retreat to a quiet part of the house to cope.

And another thing.

I get a bit miffed when people ask me in the run up to Christmas if I'm going 'home.'

"Yes," I say. "I go home every day after work. I go home to the house I bought, where all my stuff is and where everything is just the way I like it. At Christmas I have to go 'away' to the place I escaped in the late 90's."

spakman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120037635#Comment_120037635

I'd say they're sorry they made the effort to make polite conversation.

chosen1

Live in a neighbouring county to the OP and there can be lots to do if you look around. Only caveat though is that you will generally need a car which could be arranged, especially if you can arrange use of your parents one from time to time.

If your roads aren't walkable, there are now a ton of paved walkways dotted around the country along canals, rivers, hills, forests etc. They're great if you're into running as well. You probably aren't that far from a gym or pool either that usually will allow you to pay by use. If you're not into drinking, most villages and towns now have decent cafes where you can call in and have a coffee and connect with others outside your own house.

I've moved back to my home county after being away in a Dublin suburb for many years. We were also fairly car dependent there as well, as the only shops beside us were small convenience shops that weren't much addition for the weekly groceries. Also going out is similar as I'd usually get a taxi back, just as I did when living in suburbia.

I'd expect most people that are urban based are in a similar boat unless your dead in the centre of a town or city. Know a few people who are living very centrally and it can be a good lifestyle but is sometimes hampered by lack of space and disposable income due to accommodation prices in these locations.

freshpopcorn

I'm a tad unsure of what you expect to get from this thread OP.

Somebody returns from a big city to rural Ireland for Christmas and they a bored. Realistically what do you expect to do OP.

Can you actually drive and borrow your parents car for a while?

Can you met you relatives which may involve driving and go with your parents?

I know people who live in Irish towns and cities and they climbs mountains around this time of year and some go swimming in the sea but it generally involves getting in a car.

Or do you want to go shopping to and to pubs and clubs? If you want it to be more exciting than the local pub or SuperValu you may need to go to Dublin on Stephens Day.

Look at it this way. A rural Irish couple over 60 go to London for Christmas. I'd say they'd be bored out of there heads if there 30 year son brought them out doing the stuff he enjoyed.

gormdubhgorm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120037476#Comment_120037476

You obviously just want to go moralising. Read the OP first post.

The OP clearly said that they enjoy their parents company.

You seem to want to go on about the ‘mental health’ angle reading between the lines of your last two posts.

IMO if a 31 year old person can’t enjoy a few weeks his parents- who he/she enjoys the company of. There is something wrong somewhere.

I mean even if the OP found odd jobs around the house to help the parents. That would keep the OP occupied. Mend a chair, or a fix a few loose tiles. Do the shopping for them etc

awec

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120037918#Comment_120037918

I’m not the one moralising here! You’re the one talking as if someone not wanting to spend weeks on end with their parents indicates there’s something wrong. What a bizarre view.

No idea where you got the mental health thing from. I’m just saying not everyone wants to spend days on end with their family at Christmas and that this is totally normal. Being bored after days with your parents is totally normal, there is nothing wrong anywhere.

For whatever reason you’re struggling to wrap your head around this fact.

gormdubhgorm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120037999#Comment_120037999

It is odd as another poster they assumed the OP was a young teenager. I did as well to be honest. Your the one going out about the OP not getting empathy. That is the line you clearly want the thread to go.

You have already implied that the OP does not get on with his/her parents. That’s untrue.

The OP’s issue from what I understand it is the sense of isolation in the rural area. Posters have given practical suggestions.

What you are doing is the mistake many mods do on boards.ie and manufacture their own ‘culture’ on a thread. And force it in. Anyone else that don’t follow that line is wrong in someway etc.

Instead of letting the thread flow organically. You are peddling the ‘empathy’ line rather than giving practical solutions. And ways of looking at it. Which is what the OP wants.

I noted the OP already mentioned the issue of rural isolation. And even posted a link on it. Seems to be very hung up on it.

If the OP gets so upset about two weeks in rural Ireland with his/her parents - who he/she appears to enjoy the company of. There might be need to ring the Samaritans or something.

But to turn it on posters who giving practical advice as being the problem- is looking at the whole issue assways IMO.

awec

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120038042#Comment_120038042

I did not imply the OP doesn't get on with their parents, that is you projecting again because you cannot wrap your head around the idea that someone can feel isolated / bored being with their family. You think that everyone should be glad to spend a lot of time with family, and if they are not, or it doesn't appeal to them, there must be something wrong or they don't get along. This is completely wrong.

My point all along has been that people have been jumping all over the OP because they had the audacity to say they feel isolated, as if it was somehow unreasonable of them to feel this way.

If the OP gets so upset about two weeks in rural Ireland with his/her parents - who he/she appears to enjoy the company of. There might be need to ring the Samaritans or something.

I think this comment, more than any other you have made so far, highlights just how much you don't get it. The implication that the OP has issues reflects poorly on you IMO.

For what it's worth, two weeks in rural Ireland would bore me to tears whether my parents were there or not, and I would certainly feel isolated. Do you think I need to give the Samaritans a buzz as well?

gormdubhgorm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120038050#Comment_120038050

You did, you said the OP finds his parents boring. No where was that stated - the opposite in fact.

Also the OP mentioned rural isolation was why they left Ireland in the first place. And has used the word ‘cope’ in the thread title.

And the OP later posted a link on rural isolation. Perhaps the OP has issues we don’t know. But they could from the facts at issue, and the statements made.

Mentioning the Samaritans is a more practical solution than a moderator admonishing posters for lack of ‘empathy’. And I actually read the posts properly. which is why I feel it might be useful.

awec

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120038071#Comment_120038071

Again, finding their parents boring does not mean they don't get on or there are issues. Finding parents boring is totally normal. You can find your parents completely dull, you can have an amazing relationship with them, you can want to spend only a few days with them, you can feel isolated when you're just with them.

These things are not mutually exclusive. These things are all completely normal. These things are all more common than you might think.

Being bored or isolated at home at christmas does not mean you need to call the Samaritans. Will you get a grip.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120036966#Comment_120036966

I imagine the OP would still have the same feelings towards his current location should one or both of his parents pass. You can love your family and struggle with where they live at the same time.

TheRiverman

I wonder how OP will feel when his parents eventually die ? How will he handle the possibility of guilt and regret. ?

rainbowtrout

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120036948#Comment_120036948

Who is to say you have to take the car for a few days? Why not ask them if they need the car that day, and if not could you borrow it for a few hours, and arrange to visit a school/college friend, go for a hike etc?

Incidentally, I live in Roscommon, and there are plenty of hiking trails in the county. No shortage of them. Athlone to Boyle, is pretty much just under an hours drive which is the length of the county, so there's nothing stopping you going for a drive and spending an afternoon in Lough Key Forest Park, or Mote Park in Roscommon Town. Nowhere is a huge distance. Being 8 miles from a large town is basically a 10 minute drive, so there's nothing stopping you spinning into town for an hour if you were to borrow the car. Most people in the county live rurally and still manage to socialise.

To be honest, I think you're looking for problems that don't exist, particularly if you get on with your parents. Nothing stopping you getting out and about. Also nothing stopping you using this time as downtime - read a couple of books, catch up on a few TV series, play a few board games, go out on walks during daylight hours.

Incidentally, I'm the reverse of you in that I'm from a city but have lived in Roscommon for more than 20 years. When I went home for Christmas, I had arranged to call to a school friend on Christmas Eve, spent Christmas Day/Stephen's Day at home catching up with the family, watching TV, playing board games, eating a horrendous amount of chocolate, reading a book, and the only time I left the house was to walk the dog. It was nice to wind down and not have anywhere to go.

Count Dracula

Phuck the begrudgery Lurch. It is no crime to dislike your parents company, in fairness though you really need to ask yourself why you bothered coming home?

You need to sit down with a piece of paper and draw an imaginary line down the middle of it. On one side of the paper write down the reasons why you dislike your parents so much. On the other side write down the actions you could take to resolve that reason, if there is no solution then you have to swallow that.

If you are noticing in your responses that there is a pattern developing around items of explanation, you should consider writing these items on a fresh page, in a circular fashion. Put the most irritating matters on the top of the page and the less annoying ones towards the bottom. Always deal with your biggest problems first, this is important in life because ignoring your problems will not mean they go away.

Take out a ruler and start to neatly draw semi shallow connection lines between the items that make you seethe and harrow in your own frustration and misery the most. Concentrate on those matters, especially the ones that you have completely no control over, these are the matters that you are always facing. Welcome to the real world, welcome to its festering loneliness and stark abstract desolation. Welcome to its stoic rhetoric, to its hidden past and unknown futures. Welcome to its barren relationships soured over time. Welcome to your opportunity cost and the sacrifices they now make you endure. Like spending time with your parents for a couple of days a year, when you could be spending it with your new mates, who have kindly decided to involve you in their lives, in the big cool urban utopia you have selected to reside in.

Happy Christmas.

Jim2007

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120036873#Comment_120036873

You are not seriously comparing yourself spending a few days in the country to people with genuine isolation issues for heavens sake?

If you are really concerned about isolation in the Irish countryside, then think about your aged parents being 8 miles from a town and 4 from a village and put the time into brightening up their lives for a few days rather than whining.

tamara25

Your parents won’t always be around… it’s only for a short time you will be with them. They would be so hurt if they knew what you were complaining about

mykrodot

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120037506#Comment_120037506

I ignored the 2km bit as much as I was able........ I worked from home. I went hiking in the mountains (alone), it was the only thing that kept me sane. Its hard to believe that 2km restriction ever existed....... the mind boggles...... never again!

Neames

I just spent the last 4 days in a remote area in the West of Ireland with the wife's family. Here's what I did to pass the time.

Get stuck in with a few jobs to help out - bring in turf, light the fire, make tea. Sounds bizarre but it helps to help out and makes you feel better.

Get stuck in socially - chat to the in laws find out how they're getting on. Anyone offers to bring you for a pint, a coffee, a walk....say yes to everything.

Get some extra exercise....take that longer walk, if there's a dog in the house bring the dog as well, everyone wins.

Bring a few books or boxsets with you.

I had a great time, keep it simple

oceanman

find a good boozer and get totally hammered for the next few days, time will fly.

global23214124

I've been living abroad for the last year and a half. I live in the pack arse of nowhere as well and came home for a few weeks as the house I was staying in was being refurbished. I just try and go for walks and stuff while listening to music, maybe watch movies with my folks in the evening. I went into the nearest town today for a bit of a break and have a coffee and go around the shops a bit. Just try and get through it I guess having a couple of things planned everyday to do.

TooTired123

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058277044/how-to-cope-with-coming-home-to-rural-ireland-for-christmas

Why did you feel you wanted to/had to come home ?

Duvet Day

I must be genuinely missing something here judging by the majority of responses, my take is the OP is home at their parents house for a Christmas break in a remote area with no transport and is feeling bored/isolated. Normal feelings imo, nothing suggests that they don't love their parents, or won't miss them when they're no longer here or that they don't actually like the area just normal feelings of isolation and probably loneliness for a peer group...it's totally normal imo but without a friend nearby or transport all you can do is try to chill, watch a bit of TV, read a book, chat with the folks and maybe borrow the car for a few hours and go for a spin. I genuinely don't get the harsh responses, listening to lots of my colleagues it seems like a few day at the family home is enough at Christmas time and they are anxious to get back to their own lives and routines.

rainbowtrout

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120039014#Comment_120039014

A few days at home is enough for most people, myself included, but the OP is making out like he's in some sort of prison and that Roscommon is at the end of the earth. There is nowhere in the county that isn't more than a 15 minute drive from a town. He said himself he is 8 miles from a town. He hasn't answered if he bothered asking his parents if he could use the car for a few hours, or ask for a lift somewhere, or even suggest that they go for a walk/drive somewhere as a family.

All he said was that he couldn't take the car for a few days? Where was he expecting to go on Christmas Day exactly? There were Christmas Day swims on in the county and plenty of 5k/10k walks/runs on Stephen's Day if he is in any way active. Good opportunity to meet up with some locals and maybe get chatting to some people he hasn't seen in a while. 2-3 days spent with family is in no way comparable to the isolation of some people all year round. There's plenty of ways to entertain himself for a couple of days.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120039616#Comment_120039616

I don't think it is necessarily about entertaining himself but rather the feelings that arise when in the particular location.

Graces7

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120039727#Comment_120039727

If that is how you see yourself you need help. Urgently! Please do not judge others as being like you. ..

Graces7

Coming home for Christmas as an adult can be.... But it is for the parents who raised you, gave you the means to be who you are. Gave you life itself .. And loving means giving as well as taking. It is two way traffic.

Been there and yes, it was not always my deepest desire. But the thought of not being there for my mother for those few days? Oh no. And if you give? Give generously and with a true kindness and generosity. As they gave to you.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120039748#Comment_120039748

Where in my post did I write that I see myself in any particular way?

Do not misrepresent me Graces.