Did something so stupid. Need advice. It's a bad situation.

GreenPictureFrame

Hi, I'm a long time user but going anonymous for this. I did something so stupid and terrible. Long story short, I started chatting with someone on Snapchat. One thing led to another and we exchanged explicit photos.

It turns out I stupidly let myself become the subject of a scam.

Once they had what they were looking for the demands for money started coming in. The demands were really aggressive, I didn't engage and have since blocked them and deleted my account. My face was in one of the photos. They have threatened to post the images on the Web.

I'm a married middle aged man with kids. I know, it was a horrible thing for me to do. I'm a stupid stupid idiot.

I don't know what to do. I realise these images are out there now and are never gong to be deleted. I'm so stressed over this. I can't think straight. Where would they even post these. They don't have any other info about me apart from my photo.

Help, I need advice.

HBC08

Nothing will come of it,just block them and move on.

I doubt you'll be doing this again so while it's important to clock this as a bad thing to do don't be too hard on yourself.

Goodigal

https://www.hotline.ie/what-to-report/iia/faq you could start here OP. No idea what way it works for people but good luck with it.

AMKC

Sorry to hear that OP. I two got scammed two years ago. It's not fun. Think of it as a hard lesson learned and hope that nothing comes if it.

GreenPictureFrame

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120233761#Comment_120233761

I don't want to pry, did anything come of it in your case?

eggy81

Block them and delete social media accounts. Move on.

Jazz Hands

Op. If they have no other information then don’t worry about it and move on. If they put it online without any info it will be one of billions of pictures online.

like a grain of sand on a beach.

Esel

It's a scam basically. Ignore them.

GreenPictureFrame

Thanks for the replies. Hopefully as said above they move on and if the images do get posted somewhere they don't surface somewhere I'm known.

I am physically sick at what I done and for being so stupid.

Lesson learned. Big time.

TheadoreT

You're sick it was a scam, not over what youve done. Regardless of the likelihood of these being exposed(extremely low imo) you should be honest with your wife over what you've done here.

Obviously you're selfishly driven, your actions proved that, but if you even have a little compassion for her you'll tell her the truth. She deserves the choice to live the rest of her life with someone who'd choose to potentially ruin her mental health for a bit of validation. Don't take that choice away from her by keeping this secret.

Dog day

I haven’t posted here in quite a long time but felt compelled to do so now….OP, don’t tell your wife. Yes, it was a stupid & extremely disrespectful thing to do, a massive mistake but learn your lesson & move on. To be human is to err & potentially destroying your marriage by telling your wife would make this tragic. We don’t know the context around what led you to do this in the first place, not that there’s an excuse but there can be reasons.

@Jazz Hands ‘grain of sand’ analogy is a good one. If they have no further information on you, this image, if even out there, is one of billions. Ensure you delete all social media profiles, including professional/career platforms as reverse imaging can be used to determine a persons name/identity. However, I’m sure these scammers have moved onto their next target.

Learn from this. All the best.

CreadanLady

You should be ashamed of your betrayal of your wife and children. You should do the decent thing and come clean about your online activities. Your wife can then decide whether or not to continue with the marriage.

As for whether anything will come of the photos, I doubt it. What is one photo of a middle aged pervert in an internet of billions

BringBackMick

Hold firm OP

Youre panicking now.

In a few months you’ll forgotten about it.

I doubt it’s a sophisticated scam. I highly doubt they’ll do anything with your images. Deactivate your socials for few months to be sure.

A lesson learnt.

phildin

One thing to consider is that paying them off is not an option. I suggest that there are three possible outcomes:

• You don't pay them off, nothing happens <== I think this is the most likely and I'll explain why below
• You don't pay them off, they make good on their threats
• You do pay them off, in that case they will keep coming back for more until you've nothing left to give and you'll still be trying to figure out whether they are going to make good on their threats.

So, if they have willing and prepared to harm you then they will do so with or without your money, better that they do it without your money. The reason I think they won't make good on their threats is that just don't have anything to gain from it; once they do it the cat is out of the bag and they lose their ability to extort further. It also takes up their time and resources which they would rather be using to extort other people.

Right now they're trying to take advantage of your panic and confusion so don't make any rash decisions.

With regard to the personal issue of telling your wife, consider that doing so means that you will not have to have this hanging over you and that keeping a secret can be corrosive. One approach you might take is waiting until these a$$holes have moved on and then telling her. That way, you're not telling her as a result of being forced to, you're choosing to do so because it's the right thing to do.

keithb93

Delete or disable all the socials, snapchat, facebook, insta, linkdin, etc for 6 months at least. Come up with a good excuse for this.

Do not tell the wife.

Hopefully learn something from this.

Olympush

Same thing happened my 16 year old son last year. They led him to believe he was in contact with a girl & he stupidly did what you did OP. When they see that no money is forthcoming, they move on to the next victim. Delete your account on the platform & relax - you won’t hear from them again & it’s highly unlikely that anything will get posted online. As for those advising you to put your marriage in jeopardy, pay no heed to this. You made a one off error of judgement, do not put your partner through further anguish.

spaceHopper

You were probably interacting with a guy in Morocco, there is village there that specialises in this. Or a call center in India. Let that creap you out for a bit. 

They are very good at what they do and have caught many a man out. But to them this is a job. If they can't get money from you they will move on to the next target. If there is nothing in it for them they will simply move on. It's not in their interest to make a fuss, if they do more people hear about the scam and less will fall for it over time. They are only hurting themselves. 

Even if you pay them now it won't fix things. If you pay them a penny they will be back for more and keep coming back until you have nothing left. 

Your punishment for been so stupid is to suck it up and wait and see, it's the only thing you can do.

If you tell your wife you are only going to hurt her. Next time don't be a fool. There is alway temptation but think about the harm you will do to yourself and family. And how you would be letting your wife down. 

screamer

In a world of tech, it’s so easy for scammers to doctor photos to look like you.

If my husband did what you’ve done, I’d be mad with him for being so stupid and wondering what in the hell is missing from our marriage that he’d go and degrade himself for some virtual kick. But, I don’t think I’d want to know, because I don’t think I’d ever trust him again.

OP you need to take an inward look at your marriage and relationship and work on fixing that if you really love your wife and family, because there’s something that’s not working there.

Good luck with it all, you’re not the first and unfortunately won’t be the last

Tim Robbins

Stumbled upon this thread as it came up on the landing page.

Spend your money on a nice holiday for yourself, wife and children. Give them something you and they will remember for the right reasons and forget about some scammer. I think some people here are quick to judge when they don't you or all the facts. If you didn't feel some sense of guilt / remorse well it would be a different story.

TheadoreT

These type of character flaws tend to rear their head over and over in relationships, if someone craves that validation it's rarely a once off, once a cheater ect... The ones I know who've done it have always been that way.

The logic that he shouldn't tell his wife is insane. Its ultimately her choice what to do if he does tell her, but to withhold that information is the furthest thing from love imaginable, and you're compounding one **** act, by an even bigger one.

CreadanLady

The truth needs to be told. If there is no truth there is no marriage, or at least it would be a sham lie of a marriage if there are secrets and truth is withheld. If he tells her, which he absolutely should, she can then decide what to do with the marriage. Most likely, she will end it.

So either way, I think this marriage is finished.

The marriage is already broken down if he is going on the apps for thrills.

GreenPictureFrame

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120235259#Comment_120235259

Hi, thanks for your opinion, it's all taken on board, however I think it's a bit unfair to describe my actions as character flaws. You don't even know me. I have been married for over 20 years and have never so much as looked at another woman. I love my wife dearly, why I did this I have no idea. Its not like me at all. I'm as straight and honest as they come in life, I did something I shouldn't have. I own that.

I don't think I will tell me wife. It would not be fair on either of us to bring that into our marriage. This was an stupid once off mistake. I have to live with it, and any further consequences that may arise. No point in adding to it at this point I feel.

Whatever else you do, delete all unnecessary media accounts to minimise image searches that could link your name with your picture. Don’t forget you could be tagged in other people’s social media, deletion of all your accounts will better ensure your privacy by breaking these links. As for LinkedIn, delete pictures or your own posts where you are mentioned, use no profile picture or an avatar. Having said this risk is probably low of being found. After that Google search your name to see where any stray pictures may still be located.

yourdeadwright

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120235429#Comment_120235429

People are human he made a mistake,

I don't condone cheating or affairs but don't tell your wife nothing good can come from that , its not worth it , the idea that a partner has to know absolutely everything is absorbed you come into this world alone you'll ie alone ,there your partner not your overlord save everyone the hassle &

Just move on & learn from it ,

Hungry Burger

I remember this happened to an Acquaintance of mine, he loved telling the story. He didn’t put his face in any of the photos but they had his Instagram and Facebook accounts and threatened to send the photos to all his friends and family if he didn’t give them a thousand euro. He had absolutely no shame so said not a bother, send them all and blocked them. Needless to say the photos were never sent.

HildaOgdenx

Mod Note - I have deleted some posts. As per the charter please bear in mind that: 

• Personal Issues is an advice forum. 
• Posters are required to offer advice or opinion to the OP in their replies.
• Replies are expected to be mature, civil and well phrased.

OP, I am closing your thread, at this point.

If you wish to have it reopened, in the future, please contact one of the Mod Team.

Thanks

Hilda