How to accept being put out to pasture?

Fionne

Quick recap: I had back surgery in October. Hadn't been able to sit down for more than 10mins in the previous 16 months. Surgery went well, recovery went well. Was delighted with myself when in early Feb, I went on a 2 hour train journey and was able to sit with NO pain. Honestly, thought I was floating on air.

The last couple of weeks has seen the sciatic pain return if I sit down.😕 Went to the cinema last Saturday and got incredibly uncomfortable. Am back to standing full time at work (had been alternating 80% standing, 20% sitting).

What I'm struggling with is feeling like the relief I got from surgery has already worn off - I have degenerative condition in my spine so always knew it might not be a long term fix but dammit, I thought I'd get a couple of years to go and do the things I had missed out on. I wanted to go to Scotland (I seem to be obsessed with all things Scottish & have only ever been once). I wanted to go to gigs, comedy shows, out for meals. Ultimately, I had hoped that next year, when I'd saved up, I'd be able to go to America to see my youngest brother who I've not seen since 2018. He can't travel here as he has special needs kids & a lot going on. I'm 47, not 87, I didn't expect to be put out to pasture just yet.

I feel so despondent. I've been doing physio which has helped a little but I'm really struggling coming to terms with being back (or headed towards it at least) where I was pre-op.

I haven't contacted the surgeon. I've not seen him since he came to see me while I was still groggy from anaesthetic, there was no follow-up of any kind even though I was discharged a few hours after the operation rather than being kept in due to lack of beds (despite going private). If whatever this is doesn't ease in a few weeks of physio, yes, I will try to get back in to see him or ask for another MRI to find out what's going on.

I know there are people far worse off. I joined a Facebook back pain support group and god it utterly depressed me, everyone on there seems to be either worse than I am (giving me new fears of where I'm headed) or so blunt in their opinions that I may as well give up all hope now of having anything resembling a normal life. Maybe they're just being realistic but I'm not in the headspace to be told life as I hoped it would be is over.

I've even considered counselling but I'm not sure I can afford it right now.

I'm sure there are others here dealing with similar or worse medical conditions. How? How do you resign yourself to accepting you can't do the things you wanted to do? Is it possible to ever accept the limitations it puts on you?

Graces7

((hugs))

A hard row to furrow but one many of us face at even earlier ages.

Adapt is how. Once you have seen the surgeon and know the exact prognosis, have a really calm THINK. THere is a lot you CAN do within limits and disabled folk do travel etc.

Airlines etc are well used to this. They handle pilgrimages to healing places..

And this IS personal experience. Trust me on that. At a lot younger age than you are at.

Avoid a grouo if it is as the one you joined is! Been there, done that !

As a starting point? Look for a specific travel group for folk with disabilities... Not a commiseration gathering,, Contact a big travel agency at head office.

And thoughts with you...

Luxembourgo

Honestly, this is what sciatica is

Have had surgery myself and it comes and goes. The key is to try strengthen it as much as possible.

You might have two months of pain, a year of no pain. All is not lost yet.

Taxburden carrier

Have you looked at gentle movement excercises like Qigong? There’s lots of videos on YouTube. Movement within you limitations may help. Worth googling too.

Best of luck with your journey.

Jim_Hodge

Sciatica can be a constant stalker. Have you been given exercises or a physio routine to follow? If not, have a word with your GP or contact a good physiotherapist. It really works wonders. Don't let sciatica be what defines you.

Fionne

I have been doing exercises the physio gave me. It's mentally I'm struggling most, very weepy, maybe feeling sorry for myself. I spent 16months unable to sit, I can't bear the thought of going back to that. Eating standing up or lying in bed, no driving, even sitting too long on the loo had both my legs going numb. I'm not back that bad yet but terrified of it.

My GP is useless, trying to get to speak on the phone takes forever and he acts like I'm some junkie when I ask for pain relief despite having my diagnosis and scan results in front of him. Another bonus of the surgery was not having to go through that rigmarole every month to get a prescription, a battle each time. I've not had to take any medication except the occasional Ibuprofen since and even now am trying not to take them more than once a day.

Jim_Hodge

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120287022#Comment_120287022

Go back to the physio

I know what sciatic pain is from having had short term episodes. It may be a temporary swelling compressing the nerve exiting the spine or may be even be trapped in a buttock muscle, that happens. As suggested above go back to physio who will have an array of therapies and may be able to assess the likely source of the entrapment. In meantime try otc ibobrufen rub along spine and buttock on affected side, maybe hot and cold compresses too.

Please don’t despair about being put out to pasture, I went through hell during past decade and thought I was a complete write-off. Had total colectomy with ileostomy after severe colitis, with pyoderma gangrenosum & inflammatory arthritis, emergency hernia repair, difficult left knee replacement, Takotsubo heart attack and I was only in my 50s. Now in early 60s and a very different person, I feel and look much better, did first ever parachute jump last Stephens Day.

Incidentally Scotland is one of my favourite countries in the world, and I’ve seen way more of it than my Scottish cousins! There are so many places to see, getting around is half the fun. I’ve driven, taken the train, ferries and internal flights. I have still so much to see of it!

You have to get yourself in form to explore!

Graces7

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058285763/how-to-accept-being-put-out-to-pasture

I thought a lot about your last paragraph. Re "accepting" and realised ( thank you!) that along the way I had stopped even thinking words like that.. Amazing!

This is not an END ... It is a NEW BEGINNING. A different road and one lined with great joys that you miss when going at a usual pace.

Accepting is essentially sad and hard. A relinquishment... What I learned was joyful and easy.

There were and are things I would not have done or known outside the limitations. Beautiful things. I was and am made to look more closely and acquire different and very meaningful values.

Not the end but a fresh start.