Advice re toxic family member

ladygrace9

Need advice. Family member is a bully and it’s being covered up. This is ongoing for years but getting worse with no light at the end of the tunnel unfortunately. Our lives are a misery. And the behaviour is getting worse by the day. We have no lives of our own and all live together. it’s miserable. Our lives are taken over by the persons toxic, hostile behaviour and I’m at my limit. I’ve tried to address this with family and I’ve been dismissed. It’s abnormal behaviour and they won’t do anything about it. I don’t see this ending well. My parents lives are a misery and they are getting older. But they won’t do anything only appease or give in. Help?

xyz13

Move out.

Mollyb60

You cannot control people's actions, only your response to those actions. You can't force your parent's to kick a person out of their home. If you cannot convince your parents to remove this person from the house and you cannot continue to live with them, then your only option is to move out.

ladygrace9

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120361766#Comment_120361766

I don’t want anyone to be kicked out. I just want a normal home but I know that’s not going to happen as this is who they are.

banie01

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120362867#Comment_120362867

If you can't remove the person aggravating you from home? Then it's either confrontation with all that entails or removing yourself, either via withdrawing from their company or moving out yourself.

There's no way for you to compel them to behave in a manner that keeps the peace or you comfortable.

It's an unfortunate circumstance for many families that there is always someone given leeway as everyone "knows what they're like" or "let it go" as one individual is toxic.

There are many ways to deal with it but, in my experience? The easiest way to avoid the stress and heartache that comes with walking on eggshells around someone such as that? Is either confront it head on, or cut them out of your life as much as possible. I've done both, the 1st isn't at all easy when you live at home and the current housing situation won't help on that front. The 2nd? I'm lucky enough that it dawned on me that sharing DNA with someone who constantly berates, belittles and takes advantage isn't a reason to keep letting them do so. Not quite a ghosting, but other than very rare occasions when I have to be in their company and then it's civil, I cut them out of my life and my life is far better for it.

Mollyb60

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120362867#Comment_120362867

If you don't want the person to leave the home and you don't want to leave the home then you just have to find a way to live with it. If they're being enabled by everyone else then they have no incentive to change. Hoping that they will come to their senses at some point is a pointless task for you.

My brother is 37, unemployed, minor health issues brought on by his lifestyle, does drugs and spends most of his time in his room drunk. He lives with my parents and is a drain mentally, physically and financially on them both. They won't remove him from the house so he lives rent free with 2 willing slaves to attend to his every whim. Thankfully I don't have to share a house with him but anytime I'm in the house I limit my contact. We barely speak. I'm civil when needed but otherwise I act like he doesn't exist. Sometimes for bullies this is the most effective way to deal with them.

Hannibal_Smith

Closed pending mod review