Separation dispute

FuNKy102

Hi

I am just wondering my husband and I are in the middle of a separation, I don't want to get into all the details because to be honest I would probably be here for the next year writing lol. However, he is very toxic and manipulative and has been for a long time I just finally had enough of his behavior and realised he will never change his selfish ways for me or our kids. He finally moved out very, very, very reluctantly as he refused for 3 weeks to leave even though he pays none of the bills etc, he has a good job but he is currently off over an injury and claiming benefits. The problem is he has some sort of split personality as he told me in the beginning he would help me towards the kids every week but now he has changed his mind and is refusing to give me money now for our children, because I won't have him back and he informed me that even if he has to be made he will only have to pay me €40 a week at the most, however he hasn't given me even that in the last month. He's living at home with his parents and he's not paying them rent or anything so he has no bills etc to pay. How much am I entitled to seek off him?? I don't want to have to go to a court over this but if he keeps behaving the way he is I might have no choice?? He also took €30k from me which was savings for our kids that I had put away from an inheritance and spent it on a car, he told me that I have no proof he took it so he will never have to pay it back when I confronted him. What can I do?? Do I have a foot to stand on in regards to all this?? I'm so depressed, I'm just keeping myself and the kids heads above water the last month and he knows this and I feel like he's using this as a spiteful tactic to try and get me back for making him leave. Any advice would be greatly appreciated please and thanks.

Caranica

You need to talk to a solicitor now. If he won't voluntarily support his children then the only way to force him to is through the courts.

FuNKy102

Thank you I was thinking that myself. I hate going through all the hassle of court but I don't know what else to do with his behavior at the minute and he's so hot and cold, one minute he telling me he he will help out in any way he can and that he's going to go a councilor to try and help him change and then the next he's blaming me, and saying nasty stuff and calling me names it's really messing with my mind at the minute!!

Unfortunately, if appealing to his common sense and better nature does not work when it comes to him contributing towards the financial support of his children, then you have no choice but to go the legal route.

First step - put your names down for family mediation and invite him to attend. If you can work this out without going straight to full out legal, all the better. The courts expect you both to try and mediate this.

But, the bottom line is no one here can give you a figure on how much he may be ordered to pay, as it is calculated on a case-by-case basis, and based on both your and his incomes and outgoings.

Start tracking all your lcosts, and keeping receipts or records for all child related costs, as you will be asked to provide this is for the court.

But don't get your hopes up. If his sole income is from benefits, any order will be very low.

Girl Geraldine

Mediation is a waste of time.

Get a solicitor and go to court and force a court order on him.

BronsonTB

'He finally moved out' - He didn't have too at all, his legal team would have advised NOT to move out.

You need good legal advise asap, you may not want to but it will be the only way if he's not sticking to any agreement.

Use mediation as a box ticking exercise, don't expect anything from it, nothing has legal binding & it delays the whole process by months. (but shows court you made the effort to use mediation)

Good luck with the road ahead.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120438261#Comment_120438261

The Courts expect separating couples to attempt mediation before resorting to going to Court.

It is in the OP's best interest to offer mediation. If he refuses to engage, it's on him, and he will need to explain his reasons for refusal to the Court.

FWIW court orders are also not worth the paper they're written on if he chooses not to pay, as enforcement is a joke.

marilynrr

The problem is he has some sort of split personality as he told me in the beginning he would help me towards the kids every week but now he has changed his mind......

This isn't a split personality, it's extremely common after break ups unfortunately. Sometimes it will calm down but if not you probably will have to go to court.

There's been a few comments on mediation. Personally I had an awful experience with that mediation linked above. We went to discuss one thing and she wanted to go through a whole list of stuff, including asking about if there had been any issues with our sex life when we were in a relationship. She didn't seem to care when I told her we weren't there for that and we didn't want to get into all of that. It seemed to be just as much a box ticking exercise for her as it was for us so she continued to be intrusive and we went in getting on great and came out fuming with each other, so if I was ever in that situation again I wouldn't use the state service.

You could offer it and hope that he says no, just make sure you keep a record of asking him for it.

As for the 30k, how did he take that? Was it a joint account?

Foxhound38

Solicitor, right now. Very best of luck with it.