Work Colleague.......Advice

Currently_Confused

Male here..

Apologies for the long post, hopefully it gives context and detail to my dilemma.

I'm coming out of a 15 year marriage (23yr relationship) which I'm still trying to navigate. We are still living in the same home due to kids and finances but we live almost separate lives. It's all quite amicable as the arguing has now passed. This has been an approx 2 year process.

I've recently grown close to a woman I work with. She is in a very similar position to me, infact it's almost identical apart from the amicable part. Her husband refuses to accept its over. She is only 6-8 months into this split. (As an aside I wonder if financial obligations are what keep many marriages together).

So I'm looking for advice. We have worked together for 12 years. During that time we have always had a great relationship. We would speak everyday for ages. Firstly about work but then it progressed to more general things.

We would have frequently travelled with work all around Europe, spent evenings eating and drinking, having a great laugh. Nothing more.

When my marriage broke down she was the one I confided in and she was the one who supported me, and still does. When hers broke down it was vice versa.

Recently we have been spending more time together. We still travel for work but now we are making excuses to go somewhere together so we can escape out home lives.

We now spend at least an hour on the phone to each other. We have started sending each other messages over the weekend (still don't call each other - maybe due to some imaginary boundary).

The last few times we have had very deep conversations about our relationship goals. What we want in the future.

We've both said that neither of us would recognise if someone was interested in us.

Here is my dilemma.

I have started to realise I fancy her. Probably only in the last 2 months. Maybe I previously only looked at her as a work colleague and not a woman (if that makes sense).

I get the feeling that she likes me too, but neither of us want to make fools of ourselves.

I really want to say something to her, but don't want anything I say to have an impact on our amazing friendship.

She is also 11 years younger than me. Which I don't think is an issue but I've added it for info.

Thank You

CC

FoxForce5

Wait til the ink dried on Ur divorce/legal separation and Ur outa the house. The queen bee Ur with will not be long remembering her sting if another one comes sniffing.

TheadoreT

I think if you were really into her you'd have fancied her at an earlier point to be honest. I don't doubt there's an emotional connection there but you know, it's fine for a man and woman to just be friends.

But it's generally easy to tell if a woman is into you that way. Strong eye contact, open and comfortable body language towards you, playing with hair, stroking the stem of a wine glass, laughing at things you say that aren't particularly funny and generally finding excuses to put themselves in your orbit. If she's doing most of those things you should have a green light to make a move.

Big Bag of Chips

@FoxForce5, welcome to the Relationship Issues forum. Due to the sensitive nature of many posts here the forum is very heavily moderated.

'Txt spk' is not allowed, and replies are expected to be civil and well-phrased.

Have a read of the Forum Charter before posting again.

YellowLead

I’d give it some more time if I were you OP. It’s not even just about whether you would both be compatible in a relationship, it’s whether you are both ready for this now, fully ready. I don’t see an issue with continuing the close friendship for the foreseeable until things are more sorted for you both separation wise. Not because you are doing anything wrong, but because it’s doing to be difficult maintaining a relationship when going through working out division of finances/kids/etc - most people find that exhausting. Also, some people fall into the trap of loneliness and seeing the one who is there as an option, rather than the best choice for them - particularly when they have come out of a difficult relationship.

Im not saying don’t go for it, I’m saying give it time and you can always bring it up with the work colleague to discuss. But also bear in mind you work together.

Girl Geraldine

Don't get involved with someone at work.

And the other poster is right. Don't get with anyone else until it is all well settled, divorce 100% and out of the house.

Things could turn ugly with the ex wife if she sense that you've got the scent of a lesser doe (as she would see it) in your nostril.

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Warned for Breach of Charter. Name calling and objectifying people are not welcome in this forum.