Living situation really starting to affect me

helloplease

I'm almost 36 with an 11 year old. I live at home with my mum and her husband. I moved in when my relationship ended about 5 years ago. I was ready to move out then I lost my job due to covid and now the rent prices are too expensive for me, and even if I find one that is cheap enough, I dont hear back from any emails I send.

My mams husband treats me like a child. Constantly telling me what to do, where to put things, etc. It's hard to portray it over a post like this but it's constant. And it's in a very aggressive way.

I do a lot in the house.. I don't sit on my bum and think coz I live at home I'm not gonna do anything. I actually do more than my mums husband. Yet he still thinks he can talk to me like this. He talks to my child like this too and I can see its starting to affect them. (I had this growing up and I hated the aggressive controlling way)

Yet he talks to my mum in a completely different way, and honestly, it's exhausting.

I am grateful I have a place for myself and my child to live, but I feel like I am stuck here.. Seen as a child and not as a mother myself and an adult woman who doesn't need to be told what to do.

It's hard to talk to him because of his authoritarian personality.

Does anyone have any advice to either say something to him or just how I can let it pass over me, coz honestly it's really starting to affect me.

YellowLead

Who owns the house? Your mum, her husband, both of them, or are they renting?

Have you started working again?

Annasopra

If you are eligible you should apply to go on the council housing list.

Purple Mountain

Are you eligible for HAP?

helloplease

They own the house.

Yes I am on the housing list, and I am eligible for hap. But I've been looking since 2021 for a place and haven't been successful. I send emails to every place that comes up, but don't even get a reply most of the time.

It's so disheartening.

And yes I am working and earn an OK wage, but it's still not enough to buy a house.

I'm 36 and feel so stuck.

YellowLead

I can understand your mothers husband getting antsy if you are staying with them rent free - but if you are contributing something then he is completely out of order - have you talked to your mam about it and what does she think?

It’s a very tough situation to be in as a single parent - because you can’t just share a room in a house you pretty much have to get your own two bed place, so I feel for you. You are lucky to have family at least, albeit the situation is clearly stressful.

It took me years to find somewhere when I was looking initially - I was looking in an extremely popular area so my son wouldn’t have to commute too far to school. But I guess it’s like that everywhere these days, rental accommodation is like gold dust. Can you try phoning instead of emailing? They never bother with email’s because they get so many. I know on daft the phone number isn’t always listed but usually the agency is and you can just google that, or head down in person and have a chat - they might give you a heads up on other properties.

hoodie6029

This is a tough situation for you OP and I really feel for you. I doubt talking to this guy, in any manner, would do any good, sounds like he is just looking for conflict.

Some practical advice, do you know the trick on Daft? Have your alerts on for the areas you are searching in, have a draft email ready to go in your notes and as a soon as a new ad is listed, fire off the email. Look at the ad after you send the email, you can always decline the viewing if it doesn’t suit.

It’s not much help with your situation, ilI know but it might just get you some viewings at least.

alias no.9

It's a tough situation but email replies to adds on daft are not going to resolve the problem, Daft has become less and less relevant over the last few years.

Contact any local letting agents on a regular basis, if you know anyone planning to move out of rental accommodation, anyone in the process of buying a house for example, see if you can talk to the landlord / agent about renting it before it gets advertised.

Whatever else you do, do not offer any kind of sob story to a landlord / agent in the hope that they'll take pity on you. If they ask where you're living now just be positive and upbeat, say you're with family and they've been great but want your 11 year old to have a home that's just for the 2 of you.

joeyboy11

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120542357#Comment_120542357

It is very tough but you have to get your own place ASAP. Keep trying, asking everyone you come across do they know anyone looking to rent or calling real estate agents and introducing yourself.

Unfortunately just sending emails doesn't cut it in the current housing environment. Best of luck.

fits

You need your own place. Ask everyone you know.

spaceHopper

You need to get some saving under you so that you can say to any future LL, Hi I'm xyx I'm looking for a two bed apartment, from myself and 11 old son/daughter. I'm ready to move immediately, I'm HAP approved and work full time. If there are any delays with HAP approval I can bridge the the rent with saving until it's resolved.

There is no real need to advertise a place not it's mostly word of mouth so ask around. Any that do advertie are swamped. Some of the REITs have their own portal and don't use daft. Have you tied them?

DownByTheGarden

Adults get under each others skin when living together if they havent been for a long time.

I know someone who had their own adult child and their other half living back in the house with them. It was supposed to be temporary and has gone on for years. There is a lot of friction there now and it isnt going well. Its going to sour relationships.

Airyfairy12

The housing crisis is effecting so many people & those living at home with family are looked down upon as having it easy but no one considers the issues that come with it like having abusive family members or members of the family that dont get on and the effects that has on someone and their mental health & the effects its having on relationships. Like many others youre a victim of the housing crisis & government policies that created it. Its awful and im sorry youre dealing with this, I wish I had advice but aside from being on the housing list and looking for somewhere to live, im not sure theres any other advice that can be given to you.

Terrier2023

Do they have a good garden if so ask them can you put a small chalet in the garden to give them their peace and give your son some quiet time. Might be an interesting ask and if they pursue the reasons then mention to them that you want your child to see his mother as a grown up and not an older sibling & you want to create this atmosphere for him. it might make them re think the ds respect. Also start giving them some rent even a token as that gives you a sense of self respect..