Who CAN you really trust?

orourkeda1

Philip schofield

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120633526#Comment_120633526

It seems you have had and currently do experience the kindness and support of people. Does that not help affirm for you that there are those who you absolutely can trust?

It's a big world. There are plenty of people who cannot be trusted for various different reasons. Maybe they have no word, are flakey, breaks confidence, steal, can't be relied upon when it counts or at all.

I've encountered quite a few. They don't colour my view of all people and for that I'm very glad. It's important for me to be able to trust in order to be open to connections. Luckily for me I have good instincts so if I sense someone is a bit off then I listen and will be wary or have nothing to do with them.

Something else, people (for the most part because there are awful ones among us) aren't "normies" or "fuckers". They are your fellow humans with all the complexity that brings.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120637753#Comment_120637753

Gossip is power, knowledge is power, information is power. It can be as powerful as money, hence black hat hackers who do it not for financial gain, get the thrill of influencing something on a higher level, even if it’s not the Pentagon.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120640134#Comment_120640134

Oh yes, there are those I can implicitly trust. I prefer to be able to trust people, I grew up in a household that valued straightforwardness & integrity above anything else, so I didn’t grow up to cope at all with those who actually set out to deceive. Where I sometimes fall down is that I can allow flaky people too many opportunities to try and reprieve themselves. I set out to try and take people at face value, but some people have a second face they only show when they run out of energy trying to give a fake good impression.

RobbingBandit

Diabetes for me with terrible complications I'm early 40s lost my sight feet are bolloxed bloods can't be controlled due to mobility and activity levels have to have cataract surgery then add in I am autistic too and that opens a shitstorm of sidebars.

Dying is easy it's living thatsthe tricky part.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120647519#Comment_120647519

That’s an awful burden. It does take big effort to keep going, and an ongoing search for the reason to do so. Important to have people on call you can trust.

growleaves

Family & very close friends obviously.

I've become sceptical of large organisations. They are social systems primarily and the blurred subjectivity of a large org allows the slick and charming, maniupulators and even psychopaths to progress with only partial reference to their skill level or accomplishments (which can be exaggerated, hyped, deliberately mis-attributed etc.)

Often these large orgs are disguised job programs - including ostensibly "private" companies that in reality are plugged into state money from a remove of one or two steps.

The whole point of throwing a large bunch of strangers together in an organisation is that it can scale bigger than a family business. There are undoubtedly advantages in this in terms of efficiency. However it can be awkward for the people themselves and you can't automatically trust people who may, effectively, be your business rivals behind a thin facade of friendliness.

The main way to do well in a large place is to make no enemies. Trickier than it sounds since some people can hate you just for existing. Easiest way to do this is to keep your mouth shut and back down from all conflict.

If you can somehow please everyone, through charisma, then you can be in the top rank of careerists.

Tavrin Callas

Ah, I guess it turns out I am the only one that genuinely has nobody at all to trust. Oh well.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120649820#Comment_120649820

You can trust me as long as you humour me 🤣🤣🤣 otherwise I’ll turn you inside out.

Seriously, there is probably somebody you could trust, but maybe you haven’t put them to the test. You have to stand to be let down if you attempt to allow yourself to trust somebody. It depends how you cope with being let down. I don’t respond well to it myself, but I will tend to give people the benefit of the doubt in the first place.

Tavrin Callas

Yeah, must be unusual alright, because I always get similar responses. People just can't believe that there are some people in the world that have nobody.

cnocbui

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058297681/who-can-you-really-trust

Your mother, but that's about the limit and isn't even true for some.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120649907#Comment_120649907

I remember when a colleague’s mother died, my boss at work said “well you do right to be very bereft after the death of a mother as she might be the one and only person who will never really walk away from you no matter what, your partner can up and put any time, friends can abandon you, you mightn't get in with siblings”. It was quite bluntly shocking but it acknowledged the ultimate nature of that type of bereavement.

I have limited trust in medical settings. Obviously when submitting to surgeries I’ve had to foster trust, and mostly surgeons have done well by me. I did however come back from a major emergency surgery at a public hospital with a newly closed incision from below chest to pelvis, a prescribing doctor’s error meant I had not been prescribed any painkillers whatsoever. Any one person can make a mistake, but IMO the nurses should have questioned why none of the patients on the ward had received any painkilling medication after some massive surgeries, it they did not. I was rushed off with a crash cart following me to the High Dependency Unit when my heart reacted badly to the level of pain.

Between that and other personal experiences and moreover those I’ve witnessed happening to others, I have limited trust in medical teams to carry out the right steps in important situations where one is not fully able to self-advocate.

Personally, I’m highly sceptical about charities. I know there are great ones out there, and some thoroughly genuine people who founded them, but there are too many overlapping, and we’ve been hoodwinked once too often. I’m recently the beneficiary of a solid and well governed charity, but I imagine we will be seeing more outrageous scandals in this sector in future. Also too many charities are doing work that should be done by our government.

Hyperbollix

I'd say the only two people in the world you can really place any trust in at all, are your parents. They brought you into the world and for as long as they're around, you'll always be their baby.

After that?........

Spouse? Your own kids? Old buddies from school? Lads from the local Gah club?

The wife could boot you out and clean you out after 20 years of marriage just because she feels like a change. Your kids will dump you in a home as soon as its feasible and visit you once a fortnight to get a photo to stick up on social media to prove what attentive kids they are. Your buddies? Most if not all will be good time buddies. Don't come to them with any real problems. They have their own sh1t to deal with.

Trust yourself.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120651862#Comment_120651862

Yes mostly parents are the people you can trust most, but there are occasional exceptions when one person leaves the family home and in doing so also abandons their family, and sometimes the remaining parent, rightly or wrongly, sort of poisons their children against the parent who left or was virtually forced to leave the home situation.

Tavrin Callas

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120651946#Comment_120651946

It doesn't even have to be that extreme. Both parents could remain and bring up a child and to all outward appearances look like the perfect family, but still aren't people their child can or should trust.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120651958#Comment_120651958

Very true. A friend who took her own life essentially did so as an indirect consequence of having been raped by her father as a child. Again this is an extreme example, but there is also such as thing as emotional abandonment or neglect as a result of a parent having serious personal issues such as addiction, which is not that uncommon.

Goldengirl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120650334#Comment_120650334

Lord . I don't know why but I feel the urge to apologise for that horrific event even though , and I promise , I had nothing to do with it !

You are right , not only was the doctor careless but the nurses not noticing the lack of appropriate analgesia is not excusable .

I trust my close family, oh and children and some very close friends for years and years .

But not too many others and definitely only a few from work . Work is not the same as real life I like to think . Its dog eat dog these days .

Most people will shaft you when the going gets tough for them but generally are ok when everything going well . If that is good enough accept it or you will drive yourself crazy expecting too much from others.

People are selfish creatures with the occasional welcome aberration .

I am sorry about your diagnosis. I had a close relative with the same a long time ago .

You don't need anybody around you who isn't on your side now .

Shapey Fiend

People get a bit black and white about these things. I think you can trust your partner to not cheat but maybe you can't trust them to separate the recycling properly or skip out on something else you want them to do. People lying about some things does not confirm that they're insincere across the board.

The fact that business can function freely in this country would indicate we have a relatively high trust society. I don't fill out a contract or ask to be paid up front every time I quote people work. There are plenty of countries where that's not the case.

Trust is a currency. I'm not hiring someone work on my house that hasn't been referred to me by someones had work done. The tradesmans more keen on doing my project when I mention I'm friendly with a customer who paid him on time and didn't wreck his head.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120646909#Comment_120646909

I can relate very much to where you say you fall down. It's a little different for me because I don't expect any change to come from the other person. I accept that is how they are and in the past I would have just continued on with the friendship regardless. These days my boundaries are better and I am less likely to be taken in by superficial warmth and friendliness. I have also been the superficial one in my hope to fit in.

True nature often reveals itself in time. Of course the difficulty with that is the meaning we make of another's character can be based purely on our own experience and feelings. For example who am I to determine if a person is trustworthy or kind or monstrous? I could be very wrong.

In other words I can get a funny feeling about someone but is it them or is it me.

EmmetSpiceland

Speaking as a normal, well adjusted, person I can trust my parents, siblings, wife and certain others from a wide circle of friends.

The idea of having mortal enemies, and people around you, who are just biding their time before “screwing” you over somehow is childish, risible and, ultimately, quite sad.

I can’t imagine living in a world where everyone is a potential enemy. Being afraid all the time just leads to anger and hatred, which is usually “unleashed” on those whom are different from you. Again, quite sad.

looksee

Trust to - what? Stand by you when things get rough? Loan you money if you are completely stuck? Repay a loan if you make it to them? Do something they absolutely promised they would do? Keep a secret?

Some people would do some of these things but not others; be totally trustworthy to keep a secret, then fail to turn up for something you particularly asked them to do. Stand by you if you are in trouble, but forget to repay a loan. Its not 'one size fits all'.

Tavrin Callas

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120663226#Comment_120663226

Good question. When I answered the question (I can't trust anyone) I was assuming all of the above. As in, someone you can trust implicitly in all respects. If I was to pick out the different individual types of trust, then I guess, I probably could find people I'd trust with some aspects.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120663226#Comment_120663226

I have quite a substantial loan over two years ago, got less than half paid back. Intention is theoretically there, but I since discovered this person makes frequent promises to people that they don’t really have the wherewithal to deliver. Then they suddenly spend a chunk on impulse or declare that they are about to on social media though some of that is likely showboating. It’s not deliberate per se, just never seemed to manage impulsiveness. Atm they are not in any position to be either spending or repaying, but laying very low. I tend to remind frequently, just angers them, but it’s to try and put the brake on any sudden impulse to spend any income that might come their way, because it would get spent again in a heartbeat. Never ever a good idea to loan anybody any amount over €500, it just causes major rifts and all parties get angry. I just didn’t realise people could really be quite that flaky, but this is the kind of thing you hear about second hand but never think you’ll encounter it yourself. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120662923#Comment_120662923

We are always being told to “trust our instincts”, but then I ask myself is my instinct correct or unjustified paranoia? I generally then give the benefit of the doubt and allow the person to prove themselves to be whatever they are.

growleaves

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120663133#Comment_120663133

Surely the OP is normal and well-adjusted too but she was harassed into ill-health and unemployment by malicious colleagues.

I agree no one should be afraid all the time but corrupt people and liars do exist, and you can find yourself in situations where they perceive you to be in their way.

Generally in my experience most people are fine most of the time, some are absolutely stellar, a few are absolutely malicious like that colleague who did damage to others in the organisation, had been siphoning small amounts of money 🤷‍♀️for some reason best known to themselves, but framed another colleague for it. Thankfully I didn’t experience that. But things have taught me to be more on my guard.

On the great side I have had people I had never figured to be quite the fine people they are, but have proved quietly magnificent in recent health troubles. You know, the sort of folk who just quietly do things for you without looking for any credit at all. I’m over 60, and it really is only now I feel I have a real overview of humanity. When younger I took it for granted most people were more or less the same, didn’t really reflect on it one way or another. When you face adversity you find out much more what folk are like.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120664329#Comment_120664329

Even still. How we interpret the proving can be off and completely coloured by our own internal world.

Sometimes others behaviour can trigger old wounds and if we aren't self aware then we say "such and such was being mean I don't like them" or whatever.

I see it happen so much. I recognise it in myself but won't give it any fuel because I know what it is. It isn't them it's you/me.