Fiancé took pregnancy test and didn’t tell me

riantheblue22

any thoughts on this?

I found the pregnancy test hidden. We already have a child together and we are together 7 years but I’m not sure why she wouldn’t tell me.

the test looked blank or maybe it’s a digital one with a button I’m not sure? I’m not sure why she would take a test and not tell me.

lollsangel

Could be many reasons. As a woman before each time i get my implant changed out I take a test just to be sure. She could have been a few days late, checked and it came back negetive so didnt see the need to tell you. If ye were trying again it could be she didnt want to get your hopes up.

But the only way to know is to ask her.

Hannibal_Smith

What are your thoughts on it OP? Why have you jumped to it being suspicious?

I think the only time I told my husband about pregnancy tests is when they've been positive. Maybe I've told him the other times, I can't really be sure because it was a non event.

Just ask her?

Dial Hard

Where was the test "hidden"?

What's your (plural) current status on contraception/more children?

When are you getting married?

Any and all of these things could mean anything and nothing. You're together seven years; talk to the woman.

Galaxy00

Because she probably needs to process it first as its her body, just a thought

the_amazing_raisin

Is it a used test, or did one of her older ones expire and she just chucked it in the bin

TheadoreT

Were you trying for one or not not trying? Would it be a surprise if she was?

Could be anything from normal to suspicious based on a multitude of factors. But your lack of trust would suggest all isn't rosey.

notAMember

What kind of control-freakery do we have here?

Do you check how often she squeezes the toothpaste tube as well? How many squares of loo roll she uses? Monitor the menstruation supplies?

If it affects you, she'll let you know.

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Moderator Warning: Unnecessary comment

Eldudeson

I know this is probably a shock to you but asking that kind of question on a forum is not going to give you answers you want or need.

Take a breath and ask your partner. Calm and rational and remember you're in this life together. Shouting and screaming is for soap operas, not real life!

CreadanLady

You are not entitled to know, and she is not answerable to you. It is none of your business.

If she wanted you to know, she would tell you.

Stop being controlling.

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Moderator Warning: 1 week forum ban for uncivil response

XsApollo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120733792#Comment_120733792

Hahaha,

I’m sure it would be his business if she was pregnant.

Wezz

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120733826#Comment_120733826

But she wasn't by the looks of it so its moot. No need to tell him about it unless there is something to tell.

It’s her body that would be carrying any hypothetical baby, she might feel the need to take stock and compose herself before she’d share thoughts with you or anyone else. It’s quite routine that a woman might check, contraception doesn’t always work, cycles go awry. Similar to you maybe getting a prostate check, only if there was a concern after it might it be particularly discussion-worthy.

XsApollo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120733876#Comment_120733876

That’s not what I referring to in that post I quoted.

I was referring to the accusation of being controlling, she is not answerable to you, none of your business and you are not entitled to know.

I would think being in a 7 year relationship And already having a child together would sort of negate some of that attitude.

just to point out I’m not saying she needs to tell the OP, I don’t think it’s a big deal he didn’t know.

Big Bag of Chips

Ok, can posters calm down please. This forum is for posters who are looking for advice and support. A few replies fall very short of the standard of reply expected on this forum.

A man questioning why his partner of 7 years wouldn't mention taking a pregnancy test is perfectly entitled to feel that maybe something is up that she wouldn't have mentioned it.

Calling him a control freak and telling him it's none of his business is out of order and will not be tolerated here.

Mature, constructive, civil advice - or don't post.

DownByTheGarden

Women take these tests all the time. Its not news unless there is news :)

So i dont know why they would bother telling a man.

The fear the is struck into men with the words "im late". Imagine the fear if a woman says "im just doing a pregnancy test".

Now do you see why they dont mention it?

suvigirl

I don't believe I have ever told anyone that I was going to take a pregnancy test.

Doesn't seem much point unless there is actually some news to tell.

<Mod Snip: Personal Issues is an advice forum rather than a discussion forum>

It’s not controlling to wonder what the results of a pregnancy test are. But OP it’s also not strange for her to say nothing especially (assuming) it’s a negative test.

If the test is positive that of course is another matter.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120734042#Comment_120734042

Generally only women who are actively trying for a baby take pregnancy tests "all the time". And if that was the case, presumably the OP would, you know, be in on it.

I've never taken a pregnancy test in my life, because I've never had to, so not quite sure where you're getting your "all the time" info from.

I have a feeling this is going to be one of those threads where the OP is never heard from again, but regardless, the fact that he can't just ask his partner of 7 years what the story is is indicative of bigger issues in general.

GreeBo

I don't think we can give much advice other than to talk to her as without context of whats going on with the two of you at the moment (are you trying for another, etc) any advice would likely be off the mark.

Posters suggesting that its her body and she shouldn't have to tell you or that you are controlleing her wouldn't appear to be in very close relationships in my opinion. You guys are a team, you already have a child together, this isn't some random fling.

Pregnancy (or lack of) are things that affect couples, not just women.

Again, talk to her.

riantheblue22

Hi all, thanks for the replies. Maybe I over thought this one I just wasn’t sure if it’s usually shared between partners. From reading a few posts women would check if they are late etc so nothing to share.

When we were trying she did tell me but we aren’t trying at the moment and don’t plan to so maybe that’s why.

@DownByTheGarden i get your comment that the fear might creep in if they say they’re doing a test.

Thank you all for the replies.

TheadoreT

Why wouldn't you just discuss it with her?

The fact you're not trying so assume using some form of contraceptive would definitely justify your suspicions of why shes hiding it. Obviously they're not 100% safe but not far from it.

You need to talk to her, could be nothing but your avoidance of the discussion feels almost like you don't want your fears confirmed.

sporina

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058301419/fiance-took-pregnancy-test-and-didn-t-tell-me

as ye are due to get married, I'd be more worried about the fact that you felt you could not ask her - rather than coming online to suss it out... maybe something for you to think about..

DownByTheGarden

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120735776#Comment_120735776

Women with active sex lives whos periods are late will take a pregnancy tests. Some wont, some will. I guess it depends how fast they want to react to a potentially pregnancy, for various reason that there is no need to go into here.

GreeBo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120737761#Comment_120737761

and women in 7 year relationships who think they are pregnant would typically, in my experience, tell their partner that they are going to take one.

DownByTheGarden

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120737925#Comment_120737925

My wife never did. She only did when it was positive. Lots of reasons this can happen. To say it doesnt is just nonsense.

For example when I was getting tests for some issues I had there were different possibilities. I never said anything to her until I knew the results after lots of tests with consultants. That took 5 months to get to that point. No point burdening her or the family with something that would worry them unless i knew for sure it was something they needed to worry about.

Pregnancy tests are a minor thing to some and a major thing to others. It can work the opposite way too. A couple might be trying to get pregnant and there will be lots of tests done, but no need to share the disappointment when its negative, so no mention of the tests unless positive.

Everyone is different, so dont assume they are all like you.

manonboard

OP its normal for women to do these things and not tell a male partner unless something is discovered. Even if im in a relationship, I've gotten STI tests just to check my body is clear and healthy. I report none of it to my partner because there's nothing to report. (and no, ive never cheated or been cheated on).

Its completely normal and healthy for people to double check things that affect their own health. When its a 1 minute test, there's no need to burden your partner with it. No need to mention it when it comes out all good anyways.

I would say though, its pretty unusual you asked here rather than casually asking your fiancé. "hey, i seen a pregnancy test in the bin, are you ok? is everything alright?"

its always ok to ask your partner about their health and things that affect you. You are a team.

Hannibal_Smith

Off topic posts removed. Please remember to advise the OP when replying to their thread.

HS

riantheblue22

@Hannibal_Smith this thread can be closed now if you wish

thanks everyone for the responses

HildaOgdenx

Mod - Thread closed at OP's request.

Thanks all who offered advice.

Hilda