Alcoholic Flatmate

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120911808#Comment_120911808

They get to the stage where it can no mo get be hidden, when they become severely physically dependent. I’ve witnessed the effects, there is genuinely zero memory next day, the hallmark of someone in addiction is erratic behaviour & total inconsistency.

In an apartment block, such as where I live, there are house rules, one of them is keeping noise levels down between 11pm and 7am. Now I’ve known that sone years ago there were cocaine parties taking place on one of the rented apartments. I called the guards more than once, it ended as the tenants left. In one of the single bed apartments there was an u fortunate girl who was a severe alcoholic, and possibly drug addict, the apartment being owned by her parents who lived nearby. She came from a very well-to-do family as happens. She used to burn food in the middle of the night and set the fire alarm off, the fire brigade broke into her apt several times. In the end we put pressure on for her to be removed from residence here as she was a danger to the whole block. A decent and nice girl in herself, she just had no control on her life. I suspect she went into sone kind of sheltered living situation.

OP, if you live on a place that has house rules you can use these as a cue to act. But you are not going to change her, and you have to be extremely firm and resolute in dealing with her. Even record her saying she wants to move, play it all back to her when she is sober, put it to her you are at the end of the road with her.

Clay Shaw

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120911293#Comment_120911293

You're being gaslit by her.

Based on your post its intentional and has a whiff of sadism off it also.

Clay Shaw

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058306913/alcoholic-flatmate

Whatever decision or action you take has a price attached wither the price is financial, moral or mental.

Doing nothing is also a decision.

You have to make a choice and pay one of those prices. What price is too high?

You'll have more chance of winning the lottery than her moving out of her own free will in a housing crisis.

I wager she's planning on you moving out with the gaslighting and when you tell her she'll be delighted.

I'd be out of there like a hot snot and cut my losses and learn the lesson that if you want to get to know me come live with me.

Do not offer her money to leave.

Think very carefully about bringing in a 3rd party. Thats when it will all kick off.

Good luck.

By all accounts she is a horrible individual, as a poster above says she is gaslighting you, she is engineering your exit so she can carry on with her life of addiction. Addicts and narcissists/sociopaths have in common that they lie, manipulate others and situations in order to carry on. She may be an addict and she may be an original narcissist in addition. I hope you really can extricate yourself from that situation.

Clay Shaw

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120913495#Comment_120913495

You're on the money there especially with the narcissism. Coke for god sake says you.

No remorse or guilt or making amends with a gift perhaps or new house rules.

There will be no progression in this relationship whatsoever. No learning from mistakes.

I'd be gone. Would not even tell her. She doesn't deserve the respect.

Sneaky and as quick as you like; shock and awe!

herbalplants

I think you owe it to the landlord to let him know what is going on in his property. He won't be pleased. Because you are there less than 6 months, he can terminate the lease. Perhaps then get yourself only on the lease.

It is a horrible situation to be in and you need rid of her.

newmember2

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120913651#Comment_120913651

Unless there are complaints from other tenants why would the landlord care if the rent is being paid and the property isn't being damaged? A few parties the odd weekend? That's nothing if nobody else complains.

OP...start looking for another house share somewhere else.

ardatr

Thank you for all your support. In summary, there is no legal way to get her out of the house. When I find the necessary strength in myself, I will start looking for a house. Because she is constantly changing her mind and this has put us in a loop. I wish I wasn't such a sensitive and easy person. Yet everything is an experience...

spaceHopper

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120911413#Comment_120911413

You have a problem, right now because you are there less than 6 months your LL can do a no fault eviction, they can simply say they want you to go. If you go them now and it was me I'd say go to both of you, it's simply no worth the risk of been stuck with her by not taking their last chance to get rid of her. I'd put up with it till the 6 months is up

alias no.9

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120918456#Comment_120918456

It depends on the contract signed. If the lease was for more than 6 months, any termination needs to comply with the terms of the lease. A tenant can't contract themselves out of their statutory rights but a landlord can and many foolishly do.

spaceHopper

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120918736#Comment_120918736

Their flatmate is a fire risk and is taking illegal drugs in the apartment / house. I'm sure the lease will easily be voided.

Claw Hammer

The way to get rid of an alcoholic is to pick up a bottle of their drink and pour it on the ground in front of them.

herbalplants

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120923534#Comment_120923534

That made me laugh. Don't forget to bank in the rage that will follow.

ardatr

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120923534#Comment_120923534

Actually, I have another solution in mind: I can be an alcoholic and adapt to the situation!

ballyharpat

If I were the OP, I would go to the landlord and explain the situation.

A good landlord would then give you the option of remaining on, taking an assigned lease, on your own maybe, and leave it up to you to find a new flatmate. But, they most likely will hold you liable for all rent due.

As a landlord, I personally, would give you 2 weeks of the flatmates rent free, if you had trouble or had to wait for a new flatmate.

By doing this, you are taking full responsibility for the property, making it easier for the landlord to keep an eye on things.

That's how I manage any rental I have that's like that-it's worked a lot better than separate leases to everyone in the property.

The Moist Buddha

you could possibly find her dead some day/night, she needs serious help and that's a fact. sorry if I sound morbid but I know of situations where it has happened

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120927292#Comment_120927292

Don’t! I know the only way to cope with a serious alcoholic is to drink with them, but it’s never a good idea. People have been known to go into alcoholism simply using this as a coping strategy. But I know you’re being tongue-in-cheek there.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120938186#Comment_120938186

So many tragic premature deaths have been the result of either alcohol alone, but more especially mixed with cocaine or other drugs.

spaceHopper

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120934204#Comment_120934204

The OP and their flatmate is there less than 6 months, if they go to the LL they will end the lease. They would be mad not to - there is a real risk the OP will leave and the LL will be stuck with the alcoholic flatmate. The lowest risk solution for the LL is to end the lease.

ballyharpat

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120952457#Comment_120952457

As a landlord, who has dealt with these situations, your advice is not what I would follow. I've had 3 experiences like this, each time it's been resolved by doing what I said and is the most cost effective way for a landlord. I currently have just finished a 6 month lease from something similar. A landlord only needs one responsible tenant , that puts the onus on them to make sure the rent is paid. I don't care who is in the house as long as I have one person responsible. If the tenant on the lease comes to me with an issue, we can resolve it together. They want a nice environment to live in, I want the rent paid and the property kept as a nice environment.

If the alcoholic stays and there is antisocial behaviour and a neighbour says it to me, or any damage is caused, I can and do issue termination notice to everyone-job done. That can be done at amy point, 6 months or not.

The Moist Buddha

any update? is she still on the hooch

ardatr

Hello all,

Sorry to bring this up but I wanted to update: she moved out in October without any problems and I'm living peacefully with a very close friend of mine! Thank you all for your help.