Daughter skipping meals

lawless3661

My daughter (12) started in secondary school in September but only a few of her friends from primary school started in that school. They have started hanging out with others and my daughter has been left feeling lost. She has started to skip meal and keeps saying she feels sick when she eats. I have tried to talk with her about being more open with others and creating a new circle of friends.

is this normal for when they start secondary school or should i be looking for help with her eating?

BagofWeed

Anxiety and/or worry can do that. The digestive system can be very fickle especially regarding stress.

65535

She may be a Vegetarian and does not want to confront you about it ?

Give her a Vegetarian/Vegan meal and say nothing to see if she eats.

lawless3661

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121118857#Comment_121118857

Thanks for the idea,

She was eating a normal range of food before school, but ill keep that in mind

lawless3661

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121118796#Comment_121118796

Does the digestive system settle down with anxiety?

Louisemor

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058314062/daughter-skipping-meals

I had a similar experience with my daughter, it started with not being invited to a birthday sleep over. We didn’t notice it a first as we though she was sporty and losing some weight because of that and she would tell us she had already eating earlier.

It all came out when we were on holidays and noticed she was not having anything, we brought her to the Gp and she was really supportive. My daughter denied there was a problem constantly and we tried everything we could do. We needed professional help in the end and they were brilliant.

Try to keep the communication open and understand that she might not think this is a problem but the earlier she get help the better.

Feel free to pm me  

65535

It might also be an opportunity for your daughter to do an allergy test.

A relative of mine is lactose intolerant and did not know for years - now with cows milk out of his food he has no problems.

Wanderer78

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121118982#Comment_121118982

digestive disruption is normally a key physical manifestation of anxiety, so.....

this is a tricky one, i have asd myself, so moving from primary to secondary was completely overwhelming, sleepless nights, extremely high levels of anxiety, and on and on and on......

sunshine2018

Really tough for both you and your daughter. It can be a stressful time for kids especially girls as they move to secondary school. Anxiety and stress can also cause a loss of appetite but eating disorders can also begin like this. It gives a sense of control when one feels they have no control. It might be no harm to contact bodywhys the national eating disorder support organization to talk it through.

I’m the interim I’d say don’t focus on the food element - it’s often a symptom not the problem. I wouldn’t address that at all but keep taking to her - encourage her to try some new school activities / facilitate her meeting up with her old friends etc

she’s lucky to have such a loving observant mum

Str8outtaWuhan

Control. In primary she was in a bubble with same teacher little pressure and a close knit group of friends. In secondary that has all suddenly vanished so she could be trying to control the only thing in her environment she has the power over, her body. It could go either way but if your daughter was always the type of kid who was always perceived "perfect" then this could be a warning sign that she seeking to fight the chaos she perceives by controlling her diet.

sunshine2018

Here is the link for bodywhys

Lots of information and support available

https://www.bodywhys.ie/

Hannaho

I used to work many years ago with eating disorders in teenagers - the signs your daughter is displaying would be considered the usual first signs if an eating disorder. The first year of secondary school is very difficult for teens - many girls will be on social media sites following people who are talking about diet and exercise. There is a huge need to belong at this age and huge fear of being body shamed by peers.anxiety can trigger not eating but once people tell many teens that they have lost weight and look great - the weight loss often continues. I think the recommendation for Bodywhys is goid as well as discussion with GP

Tell me how

OP, one other thing to maybe factor in to your thought process, is she ok with her body image.

If she feels she lost friends, can't make new friends, her self-confidence in this area 'may' be a factor.

Just suggesting it as a possibility, not a likelihood or anything like that.

lawless3661

Thank you everyone for your help, our GP seen her and was very gentle with her and given us some places to contact.

Thank you again

JDD

Just a quick note to provide some comfort. I was quite anxious as a teen. I don't think I would have considered myself anxious at the time, but 12-16 I remember as not being wholly enjoyable. In second year of school I stopped eating lunch, and barely ate breakfast. I always ate a good meal when I got home, and ate three meals at home at the weekend. I was slim, but not underweight. Although I had a good group of friends, I never felt that comfortable going to the canteen and eating at lunchtime. I was just never hungry. My friends just accepted that. I went off to the library and read at lunchtime. I loved it. It makes me sound like a loner, but I'm a natural extrovert so don't really understand what triggered it at the time. By the time I got to 5th year, I had just simply gotten over it. Same group of friends, nothing had really changed, just I suppose I had gotten more mature. I dunno.

Anyway, my point is that skipping meals isn't always a sign of a downward slope into anorexia. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't get your daughter some help. I probably would have appreciated help with anxiety at that age. And of course better to nip something in the bud in case it worse. I'm just saying that sometimes it gets better on its own.