I have just realised I have chosen the wrong path in my life

anonymous23

I am going through a pretty bad patch right now.

I have a good job, a nice house in a nice area, a wife with a good job also and young kids.

I have a pretty good life to anybody on the outside looking in but inside I'm not happy.

I think I'm beginning a mid life crisis but I have just gone through an emotional event that has triggered me.

Half my live ago I met a girl from outside my home town and it changed my life.

We were madly in love.

She was not my first girlfriend but certainty the first one who I truly connected with.

I fantasized about a future with this girl where we would both be successful and happy together.

We were going to rule the world together.

We stayed together for 2 years.

After we broke up I was initially very hurt but found somebody to replace her pretty quickly, I had to in order to stop thinking about her.

I poured a lot of feelings into this new girl in the hope that she could replace the previous girl.

We dated for a year and broke up.

I was devastated.

All the love I had for the first girl, that I transferred to the second girl broke me when this relationship ended.

I stayed in contact with the first girl but by now she had moved on.

I swore I would not allow myself to fall in love again, I couldn't take the same amount of grief.

The first girl had decided to travel, she always wanted to see the world and I was always a home boy.

Following this I had a string of relationships that never went anywhere, I didn't want to get emotionally invested for fear of being hurt again.

During all this time I stayed in contact with the first girl and we were good friends even though she lived the other side of the world.

She got married and started a new life over there with a great career and I am genuinely happy for her.

I met a girl who I didn't hate which was nice. She was from the same area as the first girl and I was comfortable in my surroundings there.

I don't think I ever saw a long term future but like I mentioned I was comfortable.

My friends accepted my new girlfriend as a friend also which was great.

We end up moving in together and eventually we buy a house together.

At this time I'm still in contact with the first girl, she comes home once or twice a year and we always make time to grab a coffee for an hour.

It's a meeting that I spend weeks or even months looking forward to.

She has kids now and I am happy for her.

I end up getting married to my girlfriend and we have our own kids.

We both get on with our own lives, oceans apart, in periodic contact.

She was home earlier this year and we met for a quick drink, it was good to see her, she hasn't aged a day and is still gorgeous.

Following this she tells me she would be back again an a few months so I had another meeting to look forward to.

She said she wanted to spend a bit more time together this visit so I ran it by the wife and got the evening off.

We had so much fun when we met up, she looked stunning and I really enjoyed the time spent together and stayed out all night.

In some ways it felt like a date.

It has been half my life ago since we first met and I was instantly transported back to then.

It was the happiest point of my life and the memories and dreams came flooding back.

She was home for a few days so I arranged to see her again.

I told her everything about how I felt about her.

I told her that my vision of my best life is being with her, not where I am.

I told her that for the first time in a long time I feel like I can be myself and let my guard down.

She opened up to me too and said some things that made me think I chose the wrong path in life.

She thinks we could have had a life together.

It was difficult not kissing her but I kept it together as I respect that she is married.

The next day I could not stop thinking about her, I had to see her one last time.

She couldn't see me so we talked.

I opened up even more and

she said she would not have stopped me if I kissed her.

She has gone home now and I told her I would leave her alone for the respect of her family.

I'm now having trouble coping.

I've aways been a sharp thinker and as much of a dreamer I am, I'm also a realist who likes to come to a decision based on fact.

She has a family and kids and is very successful in her own career and lives the other side of the world.

I have a family of my own but I'm now realising I'm unhappy.

I come from a happy home and I want my kids to have a happy home to grow up in.

I want them to have 2 parents there for birthdays and Christmas.

I'm prepared to give them that life at the expense of my own true happiness.

I know myself and the 1st girl cant work but I can't stop dreaming of a life I could have had with her.

I feel my life has peaked and I have nothing more to look forward to, it's all downhill from here.

I should be able to speak to my wife about my issues but I cannot utter a word of this to her.

How can I find the strength to deal with this?

Seamus4life

Right now you haven't done the dirty on your missus. Look at the financial implications of divorce. Even if this other girl becomes available you won't have the money or time if your missus takes you to the cleaners and makes visitation tricky.

Count Dracula

If you fancy her i would start an affair and get it out of your system. Whatever you do don't ever let your wife find out. She must be suffering awfully wondering what is preoccupying your mind, women see that shít a mile away, so be cur amach. Like a hawk op.

Affairs are generally conducted by attractive people, who are selfish whankers and carry the burden of being narcissistic sociopaths, whose lives are meaningless due to their malign?

Love is a tough game, get into it or get out of it. But make sure your wife ain't watching or she will phuck you good and proper... and not the way you like it op, capiche?

The more elusive something is, the more you will crave it, once you start your affair you will realise where you are. Afternoon meet ups in cheap hotels are not all they are cracked up to be, you can't even smoke a fag afterwards lying in bed any more to share your guilt.

You will never replace the thrill of being disloyal to your wife once you get a taste for it, it is chronically addictive. Most serial sex addicts also enjoy the thrill of abusing the trust offered to them by loved ones, it is a very sad illness which will leave you very lonely and empty.

Maybe you should talk to your wife about your feelings .... ( don't you dare btw )

miec

Now that you are aware that you have very strong feelings for your ex, and you are still in love with her, what do you plan to do about that?

Is it really fair to stay with your wife even though you don't love or care for her? That all your energy and thoughts are going to this other woman. Your wife may not know what is going on but she will sense something is off. Is it fair to keep her in your life even though you want to be with someone else?

What about your children? Are they going to grow up in a loveless marriage witnessing their father not be really interested in their mother, who is distracted and distant?

If I was married to someone who wanted someone else, even though they have not had an affair, I would be horrified to know I was their second best or an afterthought, and I would be mad as hell to be in a marriage where I am not wanted.

The kindest thing you can do is be honest, leave your wife and decide what you want with your life.

anonymous23

Thanks guys, that's some sound advice. It's clear that you are blokes and I would love to hear a woman's opinion. I know an internet form will not fix what's going on and I've booked a therapist for next week but my mind is in overdrive this past week and I need to talk to somebody anonymously until then. You lot will have to do!

anonymous23

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121293318#Comment_121293318

I've thought about this but I don't want the kids to group in a broken home. I want to fix myself but don't know how.

Shoog

A mid life crisis should be the point where you realise it's time to grow up and stop dreaming about things that cannot be and accept what is.

Unless your wife is horrible and selfish (you have barely mentioned her so I doubt it) there is a good relationship to be made there if you are prepared to put in the effort. Most people don't get what they imagine they want and the acceptance of that is where they start to build a great here and now. It's time to stop playing at been a grown up and actually be one.

It's very selfish to do what you are doing to your wife and children, a lack of commitment is what is making your life unforfilling.

Get some councilling about your own commitment issues and heal yourself.

anonymous23

Thanks for this insight, I was content with my life until last week. This has come over me like a tidal wave and I am extremely overwhelmed, hence asking strangers for advice.

bucketybuck

You are in a dreamland so you won't see it, but all the signs are there that your dream woman is using you as a bit of an escape herself. She is loving the attention and the idea of some lad pining over her, she loves being told that she is special, its an ego boost and the best part for her is that she doesn't need to do much to get it.

Its not real though, she will take the ego boost when she is home but push come to shove it will go absolutely nowhere. She dumped you before because it was right for her career and desires, now you think this smart and attractive woman is going to throw it all away just to come back to a middle aged man?

I don't think you should stay with your wife, it is cowardly to pretend to love somebody and she is a human being as well, she deserves better than a sham marriage of convenience.

But your dream of wonderful dates with your first love is just a cliche, and a boring cliche at that. If you want to change your life then leave your wife and go find somebody real, not some fantasy from your youth.

tea and coffee

Are you dreaming of a past life? She may look fab and all the rest, but who's to say it would have worked out. You broke up for a reason, and she didn't coming running back to Ireland into your arms back rhen.

This sounds a bit like nostalgic Rose tinted glasses. Even leaving aside the fact that you're both married with kids, all your current relationship is based on sporadic "idealised" meetings. If you were to get together (again, assuming current partners break up went smoothly etc, or that whole "wrinkle" was waved away with a magic wand) who is to say that the relationship would work?

It's all sexual spark, and a yearning for past youth IMO.

However, if you're really serious about giving it a shot, break up with your wife, give her space and time to be seriously upset and hurt, and see where the new relationship takes you.

Personally I can't imagine it will be as perfect as you're picturing it, but ultimately that's your call to make.

anonymous23

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121293385#Comment_121293385

You hit the nail on the head with this. The thing is, I know all this. It won't work, it can't work. I just don't know how do deal with these emotions. It's all new to me, I wasn't thought this in school. I'm very level headed and people usually come to me for advice. But I'm genuinely shaken up by what has happened and I'm struggling.

Dial Hard

I think your first mistake was staying in contact with this woman all these years. It gave you far too much bandwidth for the "what if/if only" daydreams that have led you to this point.

I also find it extremely interesting that throughout your post you refer to not acting on your physical urges out of respect for *her* marriage and *her* situation - what about your own wife and marriage???

I'm very glad to hear you've booked in with a counsellor, it seems you've gone too far down this "the one that got away" rabbithole to find your way back out without help. I also think you need to explore why you essentially jumped from relationship to relationship in the past without ever pausing to do some reflection and work on yourself. I think some time spent figuring out who you were single would have been hugely beneficial to you, but that ship has unfortunately sailed.

If, after therapy, you realise you are genuinely, deeply unhappy in your marriage, then separate. Believe me, it will be best for the kids in the long run. But to me it sounds like you've just turned your own head with this fantasy of what your life might have been. If that's the case, then do the work required to fix it.

anonymous23

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121293482#Comment_121293482

Thanks for the reply. it's not easy coming out with all this I used to think I'd never need counseling but now I genuinely can't wait. I have made mistakes getting to this point and I don't blame anyone but myself. But the past can't be changed. I've made my bed so to speak. I want my own family to work I just need help dealing with the what if.

Baybay

You didn’t choose the wrong path. You blindly stumbled along, heartbroken until you found someone tolerable & who fitted in with your friends & your idea of happiness. You made a happy enough life with her, perhaps lied to yourself & to her, presumably allowing her to feel safe in the relationship with someone she loves. Selfless or selfish? Maybe a bit of both but ultimately you were happy enough.

The other lady is also happy enough or maybe she too is pining from the other side of the world. Pining enough to blow up multiple lives & possibly a few careers?

First, I think you need to acknowledge if your marriage is over & if it is, tell your wife & start divorce proceedings. Find your happiness in yourself & let her go.

Then you’ll have a clean slate to present to the other lady & it’s up to her whether or not to choose you.

anonymous23

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121293569#Comment_121293569

❤️

I'll put it to you this way, if you messaged her saying -

"I'll be in your area on *insert date*, do you fancy meeting up for coffee?"

she'd block you and delete your number.

As BucketyBuck says above, you're a bit of flirtation when she's home. The chances of her giving up her life for you are precisely zero.

Glad to see you're going to see a counsellor though, that's a great next step.

Goodigal

If i was you, I would delete that woman's number and stop all contact. It's gone on too long. I understand you're in a spiral about the 'what ifs' but you're both married with kids, living on the opposite side of the world for reasons going back years. If I was your wife I would be heartbroken to read your post and realise I never was your true love. Just someone you found tolerable as such compared to the stunning first love 😢

I am not criticising you. But as Dial Hard said, you mentioned SHE was married, but you are too. We can all get bored with the routine way of life but you're really letting your mind race away about this woman. I'm glad you're going to speak to someone about these thoughts. Breaking up a family is a massive deal. If you're deeply unhappy with your wife, start to work on it together. End your marriage for yourself, not this other woman. She's still not available at the end of the day.

Good luck with the counsellor.

anonymous23

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121293611#Comment_121293611

Never looked at it like this, thanks

anonymous23

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121293615#Comment_121293615

Thanks, the therapy session can't come quickly enough if I'm honest, I just need to vent before then as I can't keep this bottled up or I'll go insane.

Higgins5473

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121293329#Comment_121293329

I think a lot of your thoughts are quite normal for this stage of your life, and you’ve acknowledged this. I’m 45, two kids, wife, house , decent job etc. and my life to an awful lot of people would seem quite enviable. But we always want more, particularly if we are successful/ambitious people. I’ve also become acutely aware of my own mortality and how aging is quite unkind and difficult, so i like you fantasise from time to time on what could have been or what could be. I feel like pressing the f**k it button on lots of things but, and this is a massive but, the kids are everything so i tend to snap back out of whatever selfish or self pity bollocks I’ve wandered into. Don’t do it man, break all contact with the girl. It’s a massive gamble and not in the least bit worth the risk.

anonymous23

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121293648#Comment_121293648

Thanks for this, it's reassuring to hear. If therapy can help me then great. I feel your pain buddy, thanks for sharing.

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121293389#Comment_121293389

Ireland has no-fault divorce. Also, behaviour of the parties is not taken into account unless it would be unjust not to. Just clarifying for the OP

ottolwinner

Look your kids in the eyes every time you consider yourself to be unhappy or have taken the wrong path.

Children can cope with not having two parents for Christmas and birthdays. What they can’t cope with is it being a false pretence.

children have unconditional love for their parents remember that.

you say you kept in contact all these years. Did you initiate the contact all the time? Did she just reply each time?

grass always seems greener far away.

anonymous23

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121293672#Comment_121293672

In terms of contact possibly 60/40 her reaching out. I've let her down plenty of times too when we have had plans which I always feel bad about.

Many of us are made to crave excitement in life, be it romantic passion, fast cars, daredevil hobbies, sometimes doing stuff we ought not to. We crave the dopamine hit. But it so often defies the wisdom to live life safely and on an even keel.

You can expect your wife to take you to the cleaners, and you might expect the lady you are in love with to let you down when it comes to the crunch. Seems like that lady left the relationship to start with because she wanted the excitement of living elsewhere. She possibly has a restlessness in her that mightn’t bode well for your relationship together long term.

Anyway, best of luck with counselling, and hope not too much hurt results all around.

SuperBowserWorld

Make sure neither you or this other woman are consuming alcohol when you meet up to talk. Make sure you are both stone cold sober. Alcohol hides the truth.

Alcohol and even the after effects of it days later will make you think and do stupid things.

Make sure you are getting enough sleep. Make sure it's not something else that's pushing you away from your family.

Anxiety, depression, grief, .. can make you do stupid things.

Make sure you are absolutely wide awake and calm before you make any rash decisions. And weight up all the pros and cons. Far away fields are not greener. You could throw everything away and this woman could walk away from you next year or ... anything could happen.

Also, have you friends, pastimes etc etc. Make sure you are not burned out at home and/or work. Give yourself time off if you need it.

Cut to the chase at therapy. Get it all out asap. Then you'll be better value for your time and money. Don't let it drag on over several sessions. Also, maybe write it all down on paper before you goto therapy so you have all your thoughts on paper. But don't let anybody else see this. It can be your own shorthand.

Don't make a rash decisions.

anonymous23

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121293695#Comment_121293695

Great advice thanks, I have actually gotten the whole thing written down. I go into a lot more details than I have here. I could turn it into a book and you never know, it could be a best seller! Honestly though, I'm going to pour it all out to the therapist from the get go in hope of getting things sorted in my head without delay. I think it important to note that I know this is all a fantasy and I know it won't go anywhere. I want my own family to work. I just need help dealing with what I'm going through.

Foggy Jew

Transport yourself back in time before this recent angst hit. Imagine a reversal of the situation. Your wife tells you that she wants to split up with you in order to take up with an old flame from her past, who she only meets occasionally, but whom she totally preoccupied with now.

What would your reaction be? Would you be incredulous that she would be prepared to tear your family apart on the basis of a whim?

OP, in my opinion you are lusting after the past, and/or your youth, not the woman.

Put on your Big Boy pants, grow a pair & get on with the life you seemed to be reasonably content with up until a short while ago.

Reserve a small corner of your mind for the other lady. Visit that corner once every few months, enjoy the imaginings, then lock the corner away for another three months & go back to being a good Dad &a mediocre husband.

anonymous23

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121293839#Comment_121293839

That's what I'm hoping for. Those thoughts were locked away for decades not just a few months so it'll take me time to cram them all back in.

Augme

You sound as if you're afraid of being alone. Constantly jumping from relationship to relationship, ending up married to a women you never loved, now being afraid to leave the wife you never loved, while trying to justify standing together with some fairly poor reasons tbh.

Also, you said you came from a happy home? Was it really a happy home or was it a simply a 'happy' home because your parents never split up? This will be things you'll explore during therapy, so worth getting a head start on them in your own head.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121293863#Comment_121293863

Cramming these thoughts back in isn't going to help, it's what landed you in this mess to begin with. You need to process them and learn how to live with the decisions you've made. Or learn how to move on. Returning to the status quo isn't a good idea.

anonymous23

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read this and respond. It has actually helped a lot being able to talk about it and hear your opinions. I'm going to log out of this throw away account and look forward to therapy. I might update next week or I might not but thanks again.

I see sheep

I'd break off all contact with girl 1. You've only torturing yourself by staying in touch.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121293695#Comment_121293695

Very wise advice to OP. Bad decisions are made on foot of alcohol, anxiety, exhaustion, stress.

Also children will always tend to come first in given situations where they have needs to be met, be it health, time, finance. If any situation changes they will take precedence.

Big Bag of Chips

I met a girl who I didn't hate which was nice.

Wow! You sure know how to make a girl feel special.

Look OP, the reality is your wife is very unlikely to be blissfully happy and unaware of problems in your marriage. I know you say life was good until this most recent meeting, but it wasn't. It was plodding along. You have been pining over this woman since the day your relationship ended and you set about finding someone to "replace her". That was never going to be fair on any woman you went out with.

I also don't think this dream woman that you seem to think is all you've made her out to be. Make no mistake, she is very aware she's your one that got away. And she knew it long before you told her. She enjoys knowing you want her. She enjoys the little thrill she gets away from her mundane marriage-kids-work life. No matter how successful and amazing someone's life appears from the outside everyone is living pretty much the same routine.

She has kept in touch with you all these years for her own benefit. She's showing you how good she still looks, how successful she is and she has known all along that you still pine over her. She is happy to disrespect your wife and children and her husband and children all for the sake of an ego boost.

What you have done is completely unfair to your wife. A midlife crisis might be an explanation, but it's a pretty flimsy excuse. It's all a bit clichéd. You have dragged this innocent woman and children into your little experiment to see if you could "replace" your lost love. You married her knowing you didn't really love her.

The one good thing in your favour is that you did not kiss your ex. Although excellent point above that you say you did this out of respect for her marriage, no mention of your own.

You need to stop the pretense now. You need to cut off contact with her for once and for all. You've crossed that line, and it is only a matter of time before you physically cross the line too. Next time she's home, I'd guess.

You can never move on from her if you're still contacting her. If you feel she's worth a shot and that you honestly believe you're meant to be well then end your marriage and lay your cards on the table with her. If you are not going to do this then the only right thing to do is never again have any contact with her. It is incredibly unfair to your wife - Who absolutely suspects something by the way.

bucketybuck

The next time she is home she probably will flirt like hell and manufacture a kiss or something more, thats all just part of the drama and the ego boost. Got to keep that fish dangling on the end of the string after all.

But if you do end up physically cheating with her just remember one thing, if she'll cheat with you then she'll cheat on you. There is no fairytale ending there.

Like I say, if you don't love your wife then leave her. And if you want to find someone else then go looking for it. But find something real, not some fantasy from your youth.

HazeDoll

I'm sure you're aware that you don't come across well in your posts. You want us to know your wife is a pale substitute for the real thing. You seem to think that staying with her would be a noble sacrifice. Your wife and children couldn't have a happy home without you? Really?

To be a bit brutal about it, you sound like a teenage girl who has just discovered that two fellas fancy her and she's just loving the attention, the angst and the drama.

Stop trying to turn your boring life into a soap opera. If you're not happy with your wife, do her a favour and leave her. If you're not enough of a grown-up to do that stop pretending you're some sort of hero for staying.

The question of whether you're in with a real chance with the other lady or not is a distraction.

Ezeoul

Do you care about your wife at all?

Because your lack of .... anything ... for her jumps out of your posts.

As has already been mentioned, you appear more concerned for this other woman's marriage than for your own.

There are two of you in this marriage and if you're so not bothered, then your wife has a right to know that, so she can make HER choices.

893bet

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121293338#Comment_121293338

Read this 50 times.

You were fine till last week. And will be fine again.

Go have a ****. And in that 15 seconds after you finish ask yourself seriously if you want to throw away everthing you have with your current wife and kids (and yes your kids will suffer) on a punt with some one you don’t really know…….and this woman you are fantasticing about…..you don’t know her…..not anymore…..her **** stinks aswell I am sure.

Use the post cum clarity.

Big Bag of Chips

Staying with your wife is the easy, safe, convenient option. You don't want the hassle of ending your marriage, but you really don't want to be in it. So you'll justify it to yourself with all sorts of excuses. "Keeping the family together" etc. If you took the energy you spend on this woman and devoted even a fraction of it to your wife and your marriage you might find your situation gets better. If you separate your wife will be fine. Your children will be fine. You will be fine. People separate all the time. For various reasons. Married life is tough. Couples separate because they realise they don't love each other enough to weather the many storms that come their way throughout life. You don't love your wife enough. You didn't love her enough to start with so now when you really need the safety and protection of that love to get through this particular rough patch, it's not there.

It's time to piss or get off the pot as they say. Make a decision. If you choose your wife you have to stop allowing this other woman to contact you. You have to stop the fantasy. If you don't choose your wife then you have to let her know that, and you have to be fair to her.

reggie3434

If you weren't focusing on possible affair it would be something else, some other way to ignore and distract yourself from the uncomfortable feelings/issues inside, the counselling helped me a lot and also meds, never thought I'd be there but life catches up with you and they did help me both in ways I never thought possible.. Good luck to you and your family.

marilynrr

Your wife deserves better, you haven't said anything good about her or expressed any positive feelings towards her at all. You said you didn't kiss the ex out of respect for her marriage, nothing about your own.

I come from a happy home and I want my kids to have a happy home to grow up in.

I want them to have 2 parents there for birthdays and Christmas.

I'm prepared to give them that life at the expense of my own true happiness.

Don't play the martyr, you would be prepared to give them that life at the expense of your wifes true happiness also without her even getting a say in it. That is so selfish and not something you can pat yourself on the back for.

I'm glad you're going to therapy but therapy won't make you love and adore your wife the way she deserves. Sounds like you have never loved her.

The therapist will have heard all of this a million times before, you probably won't even be the first person that day who is in some turmoil over their first love/one who got away. It's incredibly common (in men more than women I believe) so just get it all out with the therapist. A previous poster suggested getting it all out quickly and not dragging it out for several sessions.

I think that's a huge mistake that a lot of people make at therapy, they go for a short time just until they feel better about whatever it is that is causing them pain and then stop going and don't actually work on themselves or consider the things they do that might cause others pain.

Maybe you are rewriting history with your wife (not uncommon when people want permission to go for what they think will make them happy) but if not and the best you felt about her was that you didn't hate her and you were comfortable with her, and even now you think you get to make decisions for her about whether the marriage continues then you have a hell of a lot of work to do on yourself even after you get past your own current feelings.

SharkMX

Seen this happen before.

My thinking is that now you have said you might do something about these feelings when with the other woman that she will avoid being alone with you ever again. Some people love someone to pine for them. But then when it becomes risky regarding that person making a move they will distance themselves.

Bet you anything when she is home again she will not be alone with you ever again. All of your infatuation will have to be conducted now via texts and maybe the odd phonecall.

Not even going to go into how you are treating your wife and kids here.

Bigwill1923

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121293371#Comment_121293371

I generally agree with this advice until the end.

It is dream land. Fantasy

You must have loved your wife at one point. Love comes and goes in a marriage. Thus, I wouldnt make any rash decision. Particularly with kids involved.

This woman has not indicated she wants to leave her own husband so you are on thin ice.

Leave it a couple of weeks. Talk to a therapist. You owe your kids a press of the pause button

anonymous23

I've been thinking about this and have decided to log in one last time to give a sort of Jerry Springer like final thought on the matter.

Us men are more under the thumb than we let on to be. How many times have you heard a man utter the saying "happy wife, happy life"? How many dad's have you seen driving around looking miserable in a dingy 7 seater instead of the A6 he thought he would be in? When was the last BJ he got?

Most men come to a realisation that they are done with. A lot of people call this growing up but it's not. A few men win the emotional lottery and do end up living happy ever after but I'd wager most do not.

Ladies, I could be any one of your husband's or partners, you don't really know him. No man alive doesn't have a desire to be young free and single again but dare he open his mouth and wench will take everything from him.

I think the best advice I got on here was to have the afair and get it out of my system. Yeah it'll probably lead to other problems but it can't possibly get much worse, I'm messed up as it is.

Ezeoul

Do your wife a favour and separate.

She deserves better than your sorry, self-pitying, misogynistic ass.

Big Bag of Chips

You asked for opinion from women, but you didn't like it when you heard it. You're right a lot of men (I won't say most) end up pining for the A6 rather than the 7 seater. And many of them head off and get it and think they're great lads for seeing their children every second weekend and handing over a few quid.

You asked for a woman's opinion. As I woman I am telling you: Her marriage is safe and has given her a nice life and lifestyle. You are a flattering distraction. She's not interested in leaving her life for you, but she's happy to have you following her around like a puppy. If she's that attractive she'll be well used to male attention. You are definitely not the only one.

As a woman I am telling you: Your wife will survive without you. She'll ultimately be much happier. You think men are trapped in loveless marriages and the women have everything they've ever dreamed of?! No woman wants to be stuck in a marriage with an aging man who thinks he's God's gift and his wife is holding him back from some wonderful hedonistic life.

Separate. She'll do quite well without you.

893bet

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121297402#Comment_121297402

The best advice is the one you want/planned on following anyway so. You are doing your best to justify the affair to yourself, in every post.

The most accurate advice was that I think of the poster who said she is using you to stroke her ego.

Baybay

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121297402#Comment_121297402

I thought you’d tried to convey feelings of lost youth, missed opportunity, regret, uncertainty, family orientation, possible future happiness in your original post. It seemed you were a little lost, full of middle aged fantasy, desire for one last roll of relationship dice. Hmm. Really though, is it more a case of middle age misogyny, greener grass & car envy?

HazeDoll

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121297402#Comment_121297402

Aaaand there we have it.

True colours.

zoobizoo

Don't speak on behalf of the rest of us men.

When was the last time you manned up and asked for a BJ?

You should have asked your ex for the BJ and seen what the reaction was!

And then, when your kids asked you later in life why you and your wife split up, you could tell them..."it was because of a blow job..... the thing in life that mattered to me the most...... well, blow jobs and fast cars!"