New relationship problems

Teapot30

Im seeing someone new, we get on amazingly well but the sex is awful and im not sure what I should do about it? Its not something that can be easily fixed, I feel horrible even typing this, he has a very small penis, I know people say that size doesnt matter but in this case, its so small that its nearly impossible to have sex, he also has issues with impotence and I would guess that it has something to do with the small size. We've done allot of foreplay but tbh I may aswell be in a lesbian relationship, I like foreplay but prefer the main event. Im conflicted on what to do, on one hand he's attentive, kind, mature, confident and makes a huge effort with dates and we get on so well but sex is really important and I cant see this improving. Its not the kind of thing I can bring up with him because I dont want to hurt him or make him feel embarrassed. I suppose im just looking for advice?

Thanks

Augme

Just end it. His penis isn't going to get any bigger so the situation is never going to change. Not point dragging this out any longer than it needs to.

Purple Mountain

Yeah, it's still too early to try and "save" this. It's not like you can address the issue or suggest therapy, if it was a long term partner.

Best make an excuse and call a halt.

Sexual compatibility is huge ina relationship. There's been dozens of threads on this in PI.

Mick ah

I'll echo the other responses. Although to be fair to the lad; his equipment is his equipment, it just doesn't work for you.

Make your excuses and move on OP. Sex is a VERY important part of a relationship, and it has to work for both of you.

Good luck with the next one.

Oscar_Madison

Yeah as above - sex is too important as it’s so intertwined into all other aspects of the relationship .

You don’t have to go into detail on the reason - you can just mention that the sexual compatibility isn’t as strong as you’d hope for compared to all of the other great aspects of his personality and your relationship and that you don’t believe it will improve - but because it’s a strong factor for you, you have to be honest and end the relationship

gym_imposter

Break it off but don't point to the reason

You know it's not going to work out here so call a halt

Oscar_Madison

It actually has just reminded me of a female friend I once had many years ago- she had an on off relationship with a guy for years- when it came to the crunch, she couldn’t marry him because she felt the sex wasn’t good enough - and I thought, why did you string him along all these years, break up, get back etc when the intimate aspect of your relationship wasn’t good? I was astounded that she let it go so far.

Not at all friends with this person anymore - the above example of her is reflective of a wider aspect of her personality that was quite narcissistic and led to us drifting apart as friends.

I think questioning things this early OP is actually good for you both - if sexual compatibility, for whatever reason, is not there- then it has to end for both your sakes. Sounds like he’ll find another given he’s a nice guy and hopefully the sexual aspect works out for him.

gym_imposter

The OP shouldn't feel any hesitation to end it , or guilt if that is a feature here ?

marilynrr

I think the onus is on him if he has erection problems to bring it up with you and not just say nothing and expect you to bring it up OP (or expect you to pretend it's not happening).

The size obviously won't change so even if he managed to sort out the impotence it's likely that you still wouldn't be compatible sexually so unfortunately it sounds like this relationship doesn't have longevity.

Kimbot

Sorry to say this OP but if you are not happy or fulfullied by his member now I dont think that will change at any stage going forward. Sex needs to be enjoyable and for you it appears with this guy that its not enjoyable. Another suggestion is perhaps if he used some toys on you to make it better for you if you do decide to continue with the relationship.

YellowLead

As everybody says nothing can be done to change the size so there’s no debating this one. There are some women not that into sex who would be grand with it, let him off to match with one of those. Sex is too important and stringing this out any longer will just be cruel to the guy.

Kurooi

Well there isn't really a solution to the size that he can come up with, so bringing it up with him seems just rather cruel. Impotence there are many things you can try so if you think that itself could help satisfy you - that's worth bringing up. Gently.

You're not wrong for having preferences or considering sex as an important part of a relationship, and it's fine to bring it up on an anonymous forum. You respect him and no matter what you go on doing make sure to keep that going and keep it professional.

rowantree18

Hi OP. I had a similar problem, size definitely was not an issue though! We connected so well but he just never seemed interested in sex. I was really sexually attracted to him as well as really liking him but it was always me initiating the sex, and he never really bothered to ensure I orgasmed - and I orgasm very easily. I could never figure out whether he had a low sex drive or just was not sexually attrcted to me - and that thought was awful. The point being - no matter how much you like someone, there has to be sexual chemistry and mutual satisfaction. Over a period of time it will eat away at you and eventually you'd cheat, leave, find someone else etc. I'm not an expert but based on research the general consensus of most relationship counsellors, psychologists etc seems to be that sexual chemistry is either there ir it's not and cannot be created. I've also heard them say on radio shows etc that it has to be there in the beginning or ultimately the relationships fail. Is this true - I can't say, but I can say life's too short for bad sex.

HildaOgdenx

Mod - I have deleted some posts that fell well below the standard expected in the PI forum.

If you are new to the PI forum please read the charter before posting.

In particular bear in mind that as per the charter - replies are expected to be mature, civil and well phrased.

Thank you

Hilda

AndrewJRenko

There are certain toys and devices that could replace the reduced item, if that's an option for you.

Leg End Reject

I'd walk, but I wouldn't say it's because his penis is small. Just a generic this isn't what I'm looking for or similar.

I can't speak for all women, but all the toys in the world wouldn't work for me, you can't replicate the sensation and intimacy of sex.

Teapot30

Thanks everyone, its just so unfortunate as apart from this he's such a lovely person, there are few other issues that would make me question the longevity of the relationship but the penis size is the deal breaker for me. I dont want to make anyone reading this, who might have a small penis feel insecure btw, this is just personal preference. He'd have what would be considered a micro penis and he's been in long term relationships so its not something that is a deal breaker for women in general, just me.. I feel extremely guilty and never realised how shallow I am about penis size or how much sex means to me, I can and have gone 2 years between partners with no sex or sexual intimacy but ive learnt that in a relationship, sex is top of my list of priorities and can't ignore my feelings on this, its also not fair to him so im left with no choice but to end it.

Thanks everyone for being so helpful with your replies.

Tork

It's healthy that you recognised this problem early on and have come to your decision. I've seen so many threads here from people who swept sexual problems under the carpet and ended up trapped and miserable in long-term relationships. Different people have different sexual preferences and it's important that they end up with somebody they're compatible with. I'm glad to see that this guy had long-term relationships before - that means he might still meet a woman who's a better fit (sorry!) for him. You don't sound shallow at all, by the way. You're dealing as sensitively as possible with an issue that's disappointing to you.

YellowLead

You’re not shallow because you like sex, and enjoy it with sufficient size - you don’t need to feel any guilt whatsoever!

marilynrr

It's not shallow and you have nothing to feel guilty about at all. As @Tork said sexual incompatibilities are often ignored and cause a lot of problems later on, so once you recognize the incompatibility it's best for everyone involved to end it.

JoChervil

OP, just one question: have you seen him fully aroused? You mentioned his impotence problems, so there is a chance, you haven't. Some man can increase their size significantly (allegedly up to 3,5 inches more), when fully aroused, while others just get harder with almost no change in length. So maybe if this relationship is new, you haven't seen his full potential yet?

But if you are sure that this is his maximum and it is not satisfying you, so I would let it go.

Teapot30

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122089947#Comment_122089947

Thanks, yeah ive seen it fully aroused, it grows slightly but not much and doesnt stay hard for long, sorry to be graphic, it could be a medical issue that he hasnt mentioned.