Overheard Wife

spaceHopper

Recording a fight, that's bad but also that ship has sailed, if it's so bad she should have left, others will see right through it. They'll say she engineered the fight so she could record it. They'll see her as cruel.

Start to build your own life even it a healthy relationship you should have your own interests. It will do you good. I'd get counseling for yourself alone too.

How old are the kids? Which is worse, two homes with happier parents or one home with miserable parents. What kind of message are you sending them, if they see you unhappy and been mistreated but staying?

Don't confront her on your own. If you decide to do it, do it in a counseling session. I'd start out by saying, you over heard her talking on the phone, she was careless, it's not your fault you weren't snooping.
You don't like what you head and you'd like an explanation, who's the guy in work, what's going on. < say nothing else let her talk >. Next, what did she mean she's giving it to the summer?

hello2020

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122140694#Comment_122140694

This appears to be somewhat Narcissistic behavior as they behave well when you withdraw .. please read about NPD (Narcissistic personality disorder ) and you may find some clues about how to deal with this behavior..

may be you can learn to live with NPD but other thing you mentioned about co worker is deal breaker.

Goodigal

Sounds like you're in a no win position. I wouldn't wait around for her to start flirting with men, or whatever she's threatened to do. Tell her you heard the conversation and you need to discuss this further in counselling. Don't be left waiting for another person to come into your marriage.

I can tell you love her, but her treatment of you and your kids has me questioning why. But we've all stayed too long in situations that aren't good for us so no judgement from me. You need to look after yourself OP, there are tough times ahead if you decide you aren't staying with this woman.

Also it's not a bad thing to confide in a trusted friend yourself.

Necro

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122141203#Comment_122141203

Yeah, I personally think the OP should be getting legal advice of his own even if it's just advice on how to protect himself. It appears there's already a plan in place from his wife to leave so absolutely no harm in being informed. The advice doesn't need to be acted on of course unless necessary.

yourdeadwright

If i was you i'd be gone,

Whatever you guys argue about or find difficult is one thing but saying to friends she flirting with someone in work & giving you x amount of time before leaving over the line for me,

She has no respect for you at all,

Cut the cord & leave her

Table3849

Hi OP,

I'll start by saying I'm not a psychologist, but have done a lot of looking into Cluster B personality disorders (NPD/BPD.) The behaviours youre describing - holding the relationship hostage, threatening divorce, devaluing and disrespecting and the lack of accountability as a parent all sound like hallmarks of some form of Cluster B. Even recording your fight and emotionally blackmailling you with it is a common sign. The truth is if she was having that conversation with her friend about looking for other male attention while you were in the house, she knew you could possibly hear it and didnt care. I suspect in general that when things are good, theyre good and when theyre bad theyre terrible.

The only thing I could say to you would be to have a look into Cluster B in relationships and see if any of it resonates. If it does, then you should harden yourself emotionally and protect any and all assets you have. There is no bottom to a Cluster Bs cruelty in separation and theres nothing you or anyone else can do to change that. Its vital at this time to protect your own self esteem before it gets chipped away.

Ezeoul

She also said that she is giving our relationship to the end of the summer and disclosed details about counseling we have had recently.

I'm sorry OP, but it sounds to me like she is spending the next few months stringing you along while making her exit plan. Someone who is serious about trying to save their marriage, doesn't flirt with other men.

Do not agree to any sudden big household expenses or refurbishement projects, or take out any loans. Keep a close eye on the finances.

My advice would be start making about your own exit plan.

cj maxx

I think she has already checked out of the marriage , for whatever reason . First thing is seek legal advice . Write down all the times she has not been a good mother/wife . Secure your bank accounts especially any joint account

NeutralHandle

If she is as aggressive as you make her sound, then expect your kids to be on the receiving end of that in your absence.