Step by step and we'll get there.

iwillhtfu

Hi folks,

So I have been browsing this forum and plenty of good information but still I'm clueless. I'd ask a little hand holding if you anyone can spare the time.

A brief outline and appreciate this is only one side of the story so wont embellish. Also conscious of over sharing but to be honest I've nothing to hide. I think I've wrote and deleted this thread a dozen times.

Father of 4 here, kids we'll say 5-17 range. I'm in my forties and steady employment.

Separated now in so far as I was asked and agreed to leave the family home Dec.

I have the kids every second weekend or whichever kids choose to come see me and we stay in the home house. I also pick them up from school twice/week as it suits work schedules on the ex side. She plays this of as my time with the kids but in reality it's convenient for her and I'm happy to see them. There was talk of after school minders and me paying but we've agreed on my collecting them.

Separation was bitter and ex is being nasty to a degree but for the most part I'm ignoring the abusive bits and trying to hand pick the bits that need addressing.

Joint ties would be primary house (mine) and a rental house (hers) which I can see being sold in the not to distant future, bought separately but jointly owned since marriage. Rent is currently not covering the mortgage and it's an unnecessary burden. It was originally retained as a nest egg for the kids but that's unlikely now. It's likely my last opportunity at owning a home but at the minute I cant make it work if I were to take it on.

No real savings that I'd be concerned about the usual credit union savings/loans a family would have. Loan would be a family car around 10k on that if not less. I have no interest in the savings it's away from a toxic relationship I want and to start clawing back some of the time I've lost.

Currently I'm in the home house but plan to move out in the not to distant future. It'll just be a room in a house (€500/month) but I'll still have the home house with kids on the weekends.

I haven't changed the typical end of month salary lodgement I'd have made to the joint account when living in the home house. We'll say for argument sake that I'm paid €4k/month net and lodge €3k/month. Thinking now it may be best to see about getting this joint account closed but it gives me some visibility of outgoings. Mortgage on primary home is €1100/month

Question time:

How much is child maintenance typically? Absolutely no issue paying for my kids. I left my ex not my kids. In an ideal world I'd be with them and she'd be gone but here we are.

Child maintenance and mortgage payment? I'd like to think they're both separate but perhaps they're combined. Assume I pay half the mortgage + maintenance I honestly don't know.

Based on the above payment along with having the kids every other weekend I'm finding the credit card bill creeping up each month. I don't see the above being viable long term. Ex has absolutely no interest in the he has to live his life also approach. She has wished me the cruellest of deaths for apparently what I have done. Deep down I'd like to think she knows well we both failed here.

Next steps? I'd like to avoid ramping up costs as much as possible here. I have a relative that used a very good solicitor for his divorce but whilst he was good he was expensive. At this point I'd almost walk away from the lot for both the peace and to reduce the mental stress. It was an incredibly difficult few months post separation, I'm sure for both sides but I finally have my head almost back in the game and moving forward.

Finality? So I'm moved out of the family home. Does this start the clock to this ridiculous time frame for getting a divorce. I'm told it's 4 years but I've heard some stories of it being 2 years. There will be no rekindling of the marriage it is over and mentally I'm the better for it.

Anyway as I said above I haven't much to hide and just looking for some guidance here. I'm not looking to get one over on anyone and I do not live a lavish lifestyle. I'd never see the kids go without either but as I guess with most divorces the financials are always a stumbling block.

Any and all advice welcome. I had a look into those mens groups but nothing really in my area.

I had planned on reaching out to citizens advice but not really sure what to ask.

Dumb Juan

Hi,

To try and answer some questions for you.

In the district court maximum child maintenance is €150 per week per child but it depends on both parties earnings & outgoings.

Child maintenance & mortgage I am not sure but it could be considered together, you need to speak to FLAC or a solicitior. TBH I would pay more for a good solicitor as bad one is cheaper but you could lose more in the end.

The clock is two years from when relations broke down.

My own tuppence worth is write down what you want in terms of access, split of both assets & to pay weekly. if she is agreeable try for mediation, but tbh our mediation failed, as most do.

Best of luck

iwillhtfu

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122283766#Comment_122283766

Appreciate the reply.

Good to hear two years is the actual time frame but appreciate this may drag on a bit.

There's nothing I want from her, the only request would be that I retain access to the kids and that any assets we share are eventually passed on to the kids. I know people say things will change etc as time goes by and I may want more etc so I'll hold off on that. I guess to some degree I'd like the assets secured as I'm sure she may move on and I don't want to end up with what I have being tied up in another relationship mess further down the road and the kids losing out.

I think mediation may be an option but I'll leave it another few months before mentioning that one.

spaceHopper

I would move the DD for the mortgage to your account, so that you know it's always paid. This protects your credit history and ability to get a new mortgage. Then pay 150 per child so 600 to the joint acc. Stop been nice just be fair. She can't expect to keep the same standard of living and run two homes. Something has to give.

XsApollo

2 years is the separation time for divorce.
the time ye separated is the time ye both agree that ye separated, if the date isn’t contested by either party then its straight forward. If ye both agree it was 2 years ago then its 2 years ago.

Now if ye don’t agree on when ye separated then, ye probably need to provide evidence of the fact.
having a joint account isn’t really both parties living separate lives. I would close that account.

so you owned the main house before you met her and she owns a house from before she met you?

From what I am reading you couldn’t take on one of the houses due to the mortgage being too high?

Is she able to take on one of the houses and afford the mortgage?

You say you are going to rent a room for 500 a month?

Could you not take the rental house and rent out the remaining rooms ? You would get more rent that way maybe and also you would have the house if things ever improved then you could eventually take the house on yourself or whatever.

Is the rental house close by?
any particular reason you couldn’t share custody of the kids 50/50? You wouldn’t have maintenance to pay then which would.

Go to a solicitor and get advice or get them to have a look at everything and see what they think.
if you ex is being problematic then you are going to need one.

Also don’t go in to court with little outgoings, it might be in your interest to have a rental house that’s costing you 1500 a month to live in for you and your children, rather that a room only costing 500. Will help For access rights to your kids and also for your ability to pay anything the court might order you to pay in regards to maintenance and stuff.