How to put boundaries in with someone you think may like you and you don’t like them.

islandgirl101

hi everyone, this will be a long one.

So I am a support worker in Australia. I have been going to a community lunch with my client for a few years. There’s this man that use to go and then got banned for saying some very conservative comments. My client really likes him and wants to continue seeing him. He lives near the program and thus we would see him quite often. He asked for my phone number a while ago to text him when we were around. Those were his words. So I did. We’d see him after the lunch for half an hour at most and then go about our day. I didn’t think I lead him on or anything. But recently he started asking me what I was doing on the weekend and wanting to help with moving my client and help my parents with a move out of their friend.

He is helpful with a lot of people. So I’m trying not to assume that he’s interested in me. But I think he has gotten feelings. He’s never hit on me and I’ve not hit on him . Maybe I’m naive here.
We have very different views on the world and he is also a borderline alcoholic. I only keep up any sort of contact with him for my clients sake as she really likes him. I don’t mind him. But I do not want to hang out or do anything with him outside of my client.

How do I keep these boundaries with him and not escalate anything further?

thanks in advance!

Jim_Hodge

Stop saying "we" see him, for a start. Let your client see him and hang out with him. Do you have to be in the middle of them all the time? Can you not take a step away and say " I'll leave you two to chat for a bit". Be nothing but professional. Don't be overly friendly. Accept nothing from him whatsoever. And he shouldn't know anything about you personally. He shouldn't know whether your parents were moving a friend or not. Just do your job and nothing more.

Edit..Block him on your phone. Has you client no phone?

Hannibal_Smith

Unless I'm misunderstanding your role or this community lunch but is it not massively inappropriate to be bringing some one you're employed to be caring for, to see someone that was banned from that service because of their behaviour? The guy should not have your mobile number and to be helping your client move is way overstepping boundaries. Then to be questioning yourself about whether your leading him on? It's so unprofessional. Delete his number for starters. Explain to your client you can no longer be facilitating them meeting up. As Jim hodge says, be professional, this is not part of your job.

YellowLead

Cut yourself out of their equation. Or if it’s part of your job to facilitate meetings then be brief and mechanical in your replies and as others said step away from them while they catch up. No personal chat. Job done.

Mystery Egg

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122435421#Comment_122435421

If you're a support worker you can offer your view but it's not massively inappropriate at all - she is respecting the desires of her client. She's not his mother. The client is an adult and can choose their own relationships and should be respected to do so.

The other advice given here is good. Be polite, professional, distant. Stop sharing personally. Leave the two of them to it where you can.

Woodcutting

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122435421#Comment_122435421

Correct. If nothing else will there's confidentiality to consider. If the op is a support worker no one not employed by the support organization should be involved. If her client likes him let the client meet him alone.

And involving your parents with a banned borderline alcoholic. No surprise if he gets the wrong idea