Previous relationship

shup

I have recently started seeing someone, and we started talking about previous partners, and I mentioned I had dated a gay guy (he said he was gay and that I was the first woman) who turned out to be a manipulative bastard. Needless to say, my new date was quite taken aback and he was able to correctly guess most of sex acts we had done since "I was his first" and also trying to please him with things that would be familiar to him and even allowing myself to do things I had never done before. So during this conversation I asked why he was a bit awkward about my previous one, and he guessed some things that still haunt me for agreeing to. We have moved on about this topic but since he did correctly guess some things that deeply bother me, besides regret I also feel shame. More for myself, and maybe a little about him. Is this a bad sign that this won't work out, or that I need some sort of therapy as well? Ideas?

standardg60

If your new partner has moved on from the topic then the best person to discuss your regret and shame with is your new partner.

You've already discussed it and they haven't run a mile, kept bringing it up, or I assume belittled you or slagged you off. Sounds like the best person to tell you not to be worrying about it.

Big Bag of Chips

Theres only so many "sex acts" you can do so him guessing some of the stuff isn't exactly a sign of anything. If you feel ashamed of your sexual past that's something for you to work on. Your current partner asking if you did x, y or z with a previous partner doesn't mean anything other than he's curious. (And hoping if it's something you've already done you'd be happy to do it with him too?)

Maybe for your own sake you should decide not to talk about your sexual past. I have no idea what my husband did with previous partners because I never asked, because it's none of my business! If you are not comfortable having the conversations, then don't. Also you are discussing someone else's sexual past. How would you feel knowing your ex was talking about you to current partners?

Avatar in the Post

Where does the shame come from? Maybe have a think about that.

But, as above, what you wish to divulge about your previous sexual history or history in general should only be what you are comfortable with.

Good luck.

YellowLead

Did you feel this shame before having the chat with new guy? There’s nothing to feel ashamed about regarding what you actually did, but I would worry more that you did things you didn’t want to just to please somebody else. This is something that could be reflected on / worked out in therapy.

Personally I don’t think it’s a good idea to go into too much detail about previous encounters when you have just met somebody - especially if you are negative about an ex. I’d also be wary of somebody prying for specific sexual details.

daibhi574

Can only echo what YL said: don't talk in detail about previous relationships, let alone sexual practices in a relatively new relationship. Even in long lasting ones this can become an issue. it's done now and can't be undone. So as already mentioned, if something is really bothering you now and you need to talk about it, talk to him. This will also show whether he's a mature one if he's taking you seriously with it.

Also, there's a bit of a red flag to me the new guy 'was quite taken aback and was guessing correctly the practices'…ummh, he seems to be a bit of an indiscreet guy and likes to bring people/you before the judge. TBH I would be careful with this guy..

Bogroll2003

A secure guy doesn’t talk such nonsense.