28 year old and struggling to make friends any ideas?

CWMMC

I'm 28 years old and I work in an office. Most of the employees are women, except for two men who are in their 60 so there isn't much chat between us. Outside of work then I don't play sports or anything but I do to the pub which I'd be classed as a local in now and know nearly everyone there. Most are older etc but I wouldn't talk to any of them outside of the pub or go places with them. Starting to look at my life and I spend a fair chunk of my free time there so I was wondering what other ways would you recommend for making friends?

Purple Mountain

Are you living away somewhere renting?

Kimbot

What hobbies have you got?

taxAHcruel

Well the throw away Chris Williamson answer - which is not a bad place to start - is basically figure out the things you are into or aspire to be into and go to the places where people are doing those things. It can often be that simple.

Having said that - speaking for myself here and not a judgement on anyone else - if I found time spent in the same pub over and over was becoming a significant % of my week I would be taking a long hard look at myself and rushing to make some serious changes.

CWMMC

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122550760#Comment_122550760

Nope living at home.

CWMMC

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122550761#Comment_122550761

Wouldn't really say I have any? I do enjoy going for walks/runs but not that I'm a gremlim or anything I do go in the rain which this summer was alot. I enjoy Netflix or watching shows/movies. Also enjoy watching sport and I would nearly watch every sport. Other than that not much else maybe gaming from to time but not much.

Kimbot

Well with gaming you can join online clans.

Sports, do you like to play any sports? If so have a look for a local club.

growleaves

Befriend someone who has just moved to Ireland. Because they need to make friends too.

So meetup groups for expats.. "Hey I'm Irish. I'd love to help you practice your English" etc. and take it from there.

enfant terrible

Any interest in golf? You could practice at driving range or at home for a few months, then could play in competitions.

You'll then be basically going on 4 hour walks with new people every week doing something you hopefully enjoy.

skinny90

would recommend getting into golf….if you get through getting the hang of things youll have a life long hobby.

Its by no means cheap but a great way to spend time working on improving your game

Easy to play on your own or with others and overtime youll familiarize yourself with people you like playing with / have a group to go out with

Between doing weekly comps in your course or joining a few societies there lots of ways take it up

Mrs OBumble

What's happened to uour friends from school / college? If you are Irish they are your best bet.

Other than that, take up hobbies where are actually doing stuff, not just sitting around watching other people do stuff. Join clubs, and offer to get involved.

Purple Mountain

Youre going to have to put yourself out there. So you need to figure out what things you actually really enjoy doing and throw yourself into that.

What I'm saying is don't just take up a hobby for the sake of getting out, have a think about what tickles your fancy.

Sport, drama, hiking clubs, travel groups, cards.

You'll meet like minded people and by default some friendships should form.

BaywatchHQ

I haven't had any friends in 11 years since my early 20's. It is mainly because of my social issues but it is partly my own choice too. When you get used to the isolated lifestyle you can't go back to having friendships. Being an incel has made me feel distant from people even further as I know only a small percentage of society are similar to me. Friendships were very easy to make in primary school because everyone was on the same level playing field.

French Toast

Getting involved in clubs/societies relating to your interests is the way forward.

Hiking / hill-walking is a good one. Bit of fitness, nice views and potentially new friends - a lot to like.

Ireland Margaret

DepEnding on where you live, the local sailing club could be a fab place to get involved. Do a competent crew course. Get out on the lakes or sea whatever is nearest 👍 so much fun.

twowheelsonly

You don't say where you're living but check if there's a website in your area something like this one for Cork.

There's stuff there that you wouldn't even think about that might spark an interest.

https://www.corkclubs.ie/

iamstop

I'd say 90% of my friends in my adult life are through music/DJing

El Tarangu

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122550889#Comment_122550889

this is good advice.

Anything in particular keeping you in Ireland, OP? I would suggest moving abroad - easy to meet people that way, all in the same boat. Most Irish people your age will probably have an established network of friends/family, and will be less 'on the lookout' for new people for their circle.

useruser365

Try joining a few things that are open to new members - try meetup.com where people post get togethers, or try a walking/ hiking club (some are much older but there are a few online ones like hiking buddies Ireland where people post a walk and loads of strangers turn up, or even try joining the local Macra club (it's not all farmers at all that changed about 20 years ago - ages around 20-35 and they do a bit of sport, social nights, even debating and drama). Local drama or musical group is also a good choice to join going into September/ October as they will be starting evening rehearsals for a show next spring

pgj2015

I was into music my friends had no interest in, back in my 20s, so I used to go to gigs in Dublin, few drinks, get chatting random people, then I became friends with them and we used to meet up at other gigs.

I do the odd solo trip these days and still head out on my own abroad and get chatting people and have great nights. its easy, go do it. no excuses.

CWMMC

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122550881#Comment_122550881

I'm harsh on myself into thinking I'm not good enough to play sport so havent played in around 6-8 years.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122550923#Comment_122550923

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122550964#Comment_122550964

I've played Golf with work before and really enjoyed it. Haven't been to the driving range this Summer and have been constantly saying I need to go. Think I'd be nervous playing a full round for holding people up or something because I'd be new to it.

enfant terrible

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122553463#Comment_122553463

It's great you already play, golf is a great game, frustrating at times but very rewarding if you put the effort in.

Don't be nervous about holding people up the vast majority of golfers in my experience are not very good myself included.

What you could do is head to driving range a few times to practice then head to the golf course some day early in the morning even when it opens so you can relax the first time back playing.

Do this until you're happy enough you can get around the course in a reasonable time maybe under 3.5 hours if playing on your own.

Then to improve your social life join a club and start entering competitions, you'll be matched up with new playing partners every week or if you start to enjoy playing with certain people you can join them when they're playing.

Golf is a great way to meet new people.

Here is a thread which may help

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058360903/playing-in-first-competition#latest

Shoog

Ireland is a place where you used to make your friends as a kid and keep them close for the rest of your life. What with more people moving more often this avenue is now closed for a lot of people and they don't know how to replace them.

To be honest Irish people are quite bad at making friends beyond this and always have been. It's reconned that most 50+ men have no close friends. The pub as a regular social outlet is going to lead to boredom as you end up having the same conversation with the same people over and over again, good occasionally but soul destroying as a habit.

What's the solution - when you find it let all the rest of us know because at this stage it's absolutely endemic. Take up new hobbies and join some clubs if you can find them - but if your in a small town this may not be possible. You mentioned walking as been an interest, and this is a good one because almost every small town has a rambling club and there always looking for members. Taking a walk with some complete strangers and you never know what you might have in common with someone, a person you might never have met otherwise.

CWMMC

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122552269#Comment_122552269

I'm from Wexford, and there is nothing on meetup or any websites like this to help people find clubs. The only thing on meetup is two different walking groups which meet up normally midweek or during work hours.

Ezeoul

If you like getting out for a walk, look up "Walk and Talk Ireland" on Facebook for any groups near you.

GerardKeating

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058366521/28-year-old-and-struggling-to-make-friends-any-ideas

You could get involved in Volunteer/Charity work, you meet (and help people).

taxAHcruel

^ Seal Rescue Ireland often look for volunteers and they are based in Wexford.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122553641#Comment_122553641

I just spent 30 seconds on Meetup.com and found things in the Wexford area. Straight away a group called "Wexford new and not so new in town meetup group" (next meeting Sunday) popped up followed by another group simply called "Make new friends in Wexford" (next meetup Saturday) and a half hour drive from the town is the "new Ross area healthy walkers" and there was some kind of meditation circle in Gorey. And what is wrong with "midweek" anyway? For example, the group "Down to Earth Tribe" have a meetup next Tuesday at 7pm in Ringwood.

Further afield in Waterford and Kilkenny there was also everything from dodgeball meetups to board games and even Dungeons and Dragons. And its Wexford. Go fishing.

That said though - if it is difficult to find something on meetup in a given area then try starting your own thing(s). There may be many people like yourself sitting waiting for something to appear that they can get into. Someone has to make the first move. Hell why not start a speed dating event even. Or a quiz night. Something. Anything. Every group you find on meetup is only there because someone got the finger out and started it.

If memory serves, there is also a good number of Jujitsu places in Wexford. I was guest teacher in 2 of them on a few different occasions. Nice people. And Jujitsu schools will usually let you train the first few lessons free. And the "I am a bit old" or "I am not good" is no excuse there. I have a 70 year old student who just started in my school.

There is always a danger of being your own worst enemy on things like this. Half of your brain can dream about getting off the bar stool / sofa and getting after it. But the other half that wants to keep you down makes excuses. Oh I am no good at that. Oh if I am too slow I might upset the people behind me. Oh people will think I am stupid if I start doing that. Oh it is a bit late in life to be taking that thing up. As long as you are making a string of excuses, you will stay on the bar stool.

Get some momentum going. Just go for long walks on your own of a weekend to start. Maybe with some motivational Podcasts in your ears like having Jocko tell you to "get after it". And build on that. Hell the podcast he did for children (The warrior kid podcast) I would recommend. It may be superficially for children - but the content translates to adults and is very motivational and useful. Telling the bottom of a beer glass that there is much more you could/should be doing with yourself - often tends to go nowhere.

Also you say you want to make friends. Curious: How do these friends seem in your imagination? Who are they? What do they do? What do they talk about? What do you do together as friends? What do you get out of each others friendships? How do you picture yourself in their minds? What person/friend/attributes do you imagine being to/for them?

Ubbquittious

why are there suddenly so many lonely people? after covid it has gone mad. Usually they are men

jj880

Are you married / in a relationship?

Theres one situation Ive found where new friends are basically arranged for you. Your partner's sister's partners. Theres always some family event or milestone coming up to attend. Its like grown men play dates.

mariaalice

There is no way around putting yourself out there.

5 aside football, tag rugby, join the civil defence that sort of thing.

tvjunki

This may sound old fashioned but join Facebook groups in your area. Put up a post asking is there any meet ups in the area? We have walking groups that walk around the town weekly, running club and other sports and music groups.
If there is not a group then maybe suggest if anyone would be interested in joining one. I did this on one of the pages and I got8 people wanting to meet up. You have to put yourself out there. It will be hard but do not be surprised that there are others feeling the same way as you. You will get all ages which could be really good as friends of friends.