Mutual Attraction

tina4t

I've been feeling there's a mutual attraction with a guy in work for the last 2 months. I asked him straight out if I'm imagining it or is there a connection between us. He said I'm a lovely Lady but no and apologised if I got that impression. I told him it's stressing me out not knowing and both of us said we wouldn't date someone from work, he asked would I not, I just said no coz it was easier than saying it wouldn't bodder me. BUT my question is, is it possible to feel the mutual attraction at least 5 times, most recently the other day and be totally wrong? The connection I felt each time was Iike you just know when it's mutural. We have a huge amount in common only difference is I'm quite and he's outspoken. This guy is very old fashioned behind it all and has his heart badly broken more than once. A colleague told me a wee bit about him when I told her about the connection… There's been an instant where he was trying to impress me felt like that to me by telling me about his plus points and what he's got plus I noticed he'd be bit nervous around me. BUT he's 9 yrs young and I'd never think about dating someone younger than myself if I was to go looking for someone.

This is it

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058368411/mutual-attraction

Told her about the connection that he told you wasn't there?

extra-ordinary_

Look at your own history rather than his as to why you might be projecting more onto this apparent 'friendship'.

Gregor Samsa

BUT my question is, is it possible to feel the mutual attraction at least 5 times, most recently the other day and be totally wrong?

Yes, it is.

Ted222

You can’t assume a mutual attraction on your own.

JupiterKid

Mod:

Hi Op, this thread would be much better suited to the Personal Issues forum.

Moving the thread with redirect link.

JK

Princess Calla

So you asked him if there was an attraction (as you obviously felt one) and he said no.

Ultimately there's your answer.

However you continued with the conversation asking if you'd date a work colleague and you said no (despite wanting to date him , well I presume that's what you want as you have an attraction to him)

I don't even know yis and my head is melted!

Honestly work is not the place to "f*ck about and find out". I know many couples find their SO in work (I did) .

He has told you he's not interested... pursuing this could have you ending up in HR.

Back away, leave him be and keep all interactions on a professional basis only!

YellowLead

You can never be sure of mutual attraction - you can be only sure of your own attraction to somebody - anything else is pure conjecture and fantasy (unless that person has told you)

Fair play for shooting your shot - it didn’t work out though as he isn’t into you, so the best thing now is to let it go and treat him as a work colleague - don’t embarrass yourself by pursuing further when you’re gotten a no.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058368411/mutual-attraction

It's stressing you out not knowing what, exactly??? He's told you out straight he's not interested. Time to move on.

xyz13

"A colleague told me a wee bit about him when I told her about the connection…"

Eh... The connection in your head [teenage behaviour]. He is not into you and said it out loud! Leave the poor man alone.

Tork

How closely do you work with this guy? I can see work becoming an awkward place if you don't back off and accept that this guy never fancied you. You mentioned that he's 9 years younger than you are. That's quite an age gap, especially when it's the woman who's older. I guess he was extra relaxed around you because of that 9-year age difference and that he saw you as a non-threatening older colleague. What you see as mutual attraction was just two friends having a nice time. Because he let you down gently and was nice about it, your brain can't accept that there was never anything there. Honestly, you sound a bit intense and that's the sort of thing that could easily make things awkard with your colleague. If you can, reduce contact with him and wean yourself off him.

Hannibal_Smith

You like him and you're desperately trying to convince yourself he likes you and there's some hope here. There's not. He's told you he's not interested, he's told you he wouldn't date anyone from work. The guy has made it clear. You're being massively inappropriate at this stage.

Charlo30

As others have said. You asked him out straight and he told that he was not attracted to you. I'd strongly suggest you let the matter rest. If you keep pursuing this HR will inevitably become involved and things could get very messy for you.

Purple Mountain

We spend so much time with work colleagues that it can be easy to get over familiar with them and let our guard down.

Perhaps what you perceived as attraction from him was a relaxed and trusting vibe between people in a confined space.

UUltimately he has given you his answer.

witchgirl26

OP there is no mutual attraction as he has told you he is not interested in that. He may like you as a friend and colleague but to answer your question, yes you can think something is there & be wrong. It happens to everyone all the time.

My advice would be not even try to pursue anything with him in terms of a romantic relationship as he has straight out said he doesn't want that & considering it's a workplace, if you do try to, he could legitimally go to HR with a grievance on this.

tina4t

Hi how do I stop still receiving comments from this post. Thank you

Esel

This reads like a request for thread closure from the OP.

HildaOgdenx

Mod - Thread closed.

Thanks all who took time to give advice.
Hilda