Close Family Member Told Me Theyve Only 2 to 3 Years To Live

vixdname

Hey all,

A family member of mine who lives in a different part of the country, told me when we had one of our traditional run up to Christmas meet ups last week that they are dying.

It came at the end of the night and we had had a few drink taken when they told me.

I was absolutely dumb struck when they told me as we basically were like siblings when we were growing up.

We spent every weekend and summer together, all day every day from about 5 years old until our 20s…we're both now in our 50s.

They moved with work to a different part of the country and we didnt get to see eachother very often, but both knew the other was always only a phonecall away if needed.

This person is married with 2 youngish kids and a sweetheart of a wife, none of whom deserve this heart ache.

They have an auto immune disease , the worse possible version of it which is badly affecting their lungs now and its basically impossible for them to hide the condition now,…they were diagnosed a couple of years ago, and this disease has slowly progressed.

I talked on the phone to them since they told me and they told me all about everything thats been going on.

I'm devastated for them, theyre just one of lifes good guys and certainly dont deserve this.

I dont know what to do going forward, do I try and visit them more often and make the most out of the time we have left or would that upset them by making them think that Im trying to spend as much time with them as possible because theyre dying.

What things can I do that can help them or make them feel better ?

I dont know what to do or say to them but I do know I want to be there for them when they need it.

Sorry for the rambling post but Im still in a bit of a state of shock and I just need any advise anyone can give me.

Thank You.

Hannibal_Smith

Oh vixdname so sorry to read this. I don't think you can make them any more upset than the situation is making them. They' may welcome the visits and general chit chat. If they don't, they'll let you know and encourage them to be honest with you on that. I wonder could the wife and kid do with a help on anything?

You'll do the right thing. You're cousins who know each other well.

Be kind to yourself as well, it's such tough news.

wildwillow

That is terrible news for you. Being far away from him makes it more difficult to help. Some thoughts are minding their children, if you know them well enough, to allow them to have a few days away on their own.

Make yourself available to him to be there when he needs you and be clear with him that your visits are on his and his family's terms. I say this because we took too much time to refuse visits from a nosey unhelpful relation in the weeks before my child died.

Encourage him to make memories for his children and maybe write notes to them for their significant moments in their future lives. Also try to make sure he has all the legal requirements in place, e.g. will, having joint bank account that his wife can access when the time comes.

Be realistic about his condition and don't offer platitudes, but you need not be too despairing either. Take your cue from his and his wife.

Being a real friend is the best help you can offer.

Allow yourself to grieve for him and yourself too.