My brother moving home from Australia with wife and 3 year old

tylerdurdan2025

My brother who has been living in Australia for the past 20 years has decided to move back to Ireland with his wife and 3 year old son . I have just bought a new 3 bedroom house and they have already hinted at staying with me . I have been living alone for 20 years so I am not sure how this would work out and if I decided to let them stay here how long do I let them stay and how much if any rent should I charge them ? Both will have to find jobs when they come home and they aren't the most qualified

Nigzcurran

Just don't! Recipe for disaster 9 times out of 10. Especially a single person used to their own home and then having 3 extra people running round the place

watchclocker

Avoid whatever way you can

What's their rationale for moving home at this particular time, given the housing shortage?

gipi

I second Nigzcurran's comment - don't do it! You know how the housing market is at the moment, even if they get jobs, the cost of rent may well keep them at your place much longer than you'd like.

I have had a "lodger" for the best part of 2 years now, while their house was being renovated. I am used to living alone. We have been friends for years, but I just want my own place back for me (and hope my buddy and I don't fall out for good in the meantime)

LambshankRedemption

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058389964/my-brother-moving-home-from-australia-with-wife-and-3-year-old

Danger, Will Robinson!

This whole scenario is fraught with problems.

Did he give any reason why he wants to move home? Does he know about the housing crisis? They wont just need jobs, they will need to find a GP, not easy in the current climate. What are they experienced in and where abouts do you live? If you live in the middle of nowhere, them staying with you would be more of a hindrance if they have city-based job-type experience.

Could you maybe get some house renovations done to the house so you have a plausible excuse to say no to them living with you? I live alone too and can't imagine sharing my space with anyone for more than a couple of days. You probably dont know the wife very well, and have no idea what she is like to live with.

If it was me and i was living in Australia, I would not be moving back to Ireland in its current state.

tylerdurdan2025

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123073620#Comment_123073620

here parents are seperated and live in different parts of Australia . They dont have much support

Dial Hard

Assuming this is genuine...

Absolutely not. They are not your problem. Let them sort an Air B&B/short term let/move in with either set of parents. If they get their feet under the table in your place, you are never getting rid of them.

Also, and I cannot stress this enough, after 20 years of living alone, you will literally not be able to cope with the stress of having your space invaded by anyone else, let alone three other people, one of whom is essentially a toddler. You know the phrase "Hell is other people"? That will be your new life if you agree to this.

Seriously, do not even consider this, not for so much as a nano-second.

radiotrickster

That’ll be a huge adjustment for everyone. Ireland isn’t the same place your brother left. Is his wife Irish? He’ll have a small support network, she may have no-one but him and you.

Is your brother the type to chance his arm at moving in for a ‘short while’ but actually stay for weeks/months?

They’ll struggle to get accommodation here and it won’t be as pressing an issue if you give them the option of staying with you (especially for free!).

If you do choose to let them stay, you might feel greedy but try to charge around market value. That’ll be incentive enough to keep them searching for their own home, because they won’t be saving money by staying with you.

At the end of the day it’s your brother, so you need to decide how much you’re in a position to help him out. You can al ways offer support in other ways, like babysitting occasionally or keeping an eye out for them with the job hunt.

tylerdurdan2025

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123073652#Comment_123073652

To clarify , she's Australian . Here parents are separated and they don't have much support over there

LambshankRedemption

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123073652#Comment_123073652

I know this is going to sound harsh but "they dont have much support in australia", by hinting at moving in with you, they are making you their new support network. A couple with a toddler should not need that much support. Not so much that the need to travel half way around the world just to get support from you. Are you sure there is not something else going on?

If they were in a non-English speaking country I could understand wanting to come home where things are familiar and more welcoming, but its Australia. I was in town earlier, walking around Tesco. Based on the various different languages i was hearing, I'd wager there are more Irish people in their local supermarket, than were in my local Tesco here today.

Australia = English speaking country with high levels of Irish diaspora. They should easily build a support network of their own over there. Especially if he has been living there for 20 years.

You have not mentioned the rest of your family. Maybe you have 3 or 4 other brothers and sisters, and nephews and nieces for babysitting and help with things, but if it is just you, I would be questioning this decision in detail.

Seth Brundle

Have your brother & the wife secured work yet? Will they be able to afford rent, etc?

Are you prepared to be a bystander (in your own home) to a married couple having an argument, which is likely to be a common occurrence initially given the stresses of loving continent? Are you prepared to have a small child writing on your walls and all the other things normal kids do?

LambshankRedemption

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123073715#Comment_123073715

The OP said in the opening post they will need to find work. Despite officially us being at 100% employment, the job market is extremely tough at the moment. Take it from me. Them moving in with him with no job secured… they will not be moving in for a couple of weeks, it could take months for them to find jobs.

tylerdurdan2025

My parents are still alive and I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters . They are basically coming home to be close and have more support from all of us . Myself and my parents are the only people in the family that could put them up as the rest don't have their own homes for a variety of different reasons (low skilled jobs and disability etc)

Geuze

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058389964/my-brother-moving-home-from-australia-with-wife-and-3-year-old

Can they purchase a house here with the proceeds of the sale of their house in AUS? As house prices are very high over there, they should be able to purchase here.

3DataModem

Your options are

• let them stay and charge them something close to a market rate. This is a bad idea because you don't need lodgers so you are downgrading your life for no reason, and they can pay market rate for their own place. They will also treat your place like their home, because they are paying you, as they should.
• let them stay and charge them less then market. This is a bad idea as they will always be incentivised to stay with you as everything is so expensive etc. You are downgrading your life for no reason AND have very sticky lodgers who will stay with you for way longer.
• let them stay and charge them nothing. Again, always incentivised to stay, but at least they are not paying so don't get 'entitled' to your home over time. I'd have a hard date for them to leave e.g. "Jane and Max are coming to stay for a month in June, so you have to be fully out by 1st June no matter what". Of course, it doesn't have to be strictly true, but that's your business.
• don't let them stay. You get some bad feeling from them (and other family members) for a few weeks, and then back to blissful living alone.

Gusser09

Get a lodger in now. Maybe a student who only needs it for 3 or 4 days a week. Great excuse to say no

Princess Calla

Honestly there are loads of parents that don't have support that just get on with it, so that's very much a moot point.

They are making a well informed decision coming home, so let them get their ducks in a row before they make the move.

There is absolutely no upside for you in this arrangement.

So no, unless they had jobs lined up and a house sale agreed , so you'd know it was a maximum of 6 months (even that's pushing it) then no.

But the "let's land on your doorstep and we'll figure it out from there" absolutely not!

893bet

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123073774#Comment_123073774

Then let them live with their parents.

There is no upside for you. None.

I am willing to bet they have a house in Ais that they won’t sell and will rent out as they want to keep their options open.

You will need to be blunt and tell them no. And under no circumstances agree to a “few weeks while they get set up” and it will turn into months and lead to fall out.

banie01

Surely after 20yrs in Australia, your brother can arrange to buy a new home here before they come back?
The "not much supprt" line, really?
Family support is important, but if its the driver behind them leaving Australia because her parents split up?
It just strikes me as very, very odd.
If the support system there is predicated upon just 2 people, and those 2 folk splitting up has left them in a situation that "support" is untenable?
With her being native, and him being there 20yrs, it strikes me as something being drastically off.
It doesnt pass the sniff test.
Something just seems very, very odd about it.

They may just think the grass greener here, and good luck to them if thats what it is.
But, while supporting your sibling is important, housing them indefinitely in the midst of a housing crisis?
When they seem to be voluntarily taking a risk with zero plan other than relying upon your generosity?
Well, I'd tell my siblings to jog on.

tylerdurdan2025

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123073784#Comment_123073784

They are renting in Aus

LambshankRedemption

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123073932#Comment_123073932

Yeah… I think the OP is not being told the full story. As you said, it smells off.

ingalway

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123073663#Comment_123073663

They are grown ups. Why do they need 'support'? Are you to be their support when they move back - free babysitter/child minding?

Unless they have enough cash saved up they are never getting a house and will be with you for years. They are not your responsibility.

tylerdurdan2025

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123073932#Comment_123073932

Yes its an odd situation , whats also odd is they were with each other almost 20 years before the child came along . The parents split up over 20 years ago so it really has nothing to do with it other than they have no real support now with the child

Rubberchikken

They're adults.

Let them do their homework before they head back. I'm sure the net would inform them of housing shortage, rent prices etc.

It's very tough to go back to having others in your home if used to it being you especially with a 3yo too.

Probably sounding mean but too late when they're in and what happens when life just gets turned upside down.

LambshankRedemption

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123073951#Comment_123073951

The child is 2? I don't have kids, but I thought the hardest part is the first 2 years when theres nappies and crying and sleepless nights. Thats the bit when you really need a support network.

If they were both Irish, living in a non-English speaking country, I would have more understanding of their desire to come home.

What you have described however, seems… suspicious to me.

spakman

He's your brother. If you have a good relationship with him, and you value it, help him out.

Just lay down some conditions in advance e.g. they need to pay their way - bills, buy their own food etc

And make it clear its temporary, you have your own life and routine and are delighted to help but can only offer them a place to stay for X months.

Princess Calla

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123074005#Comment_123074005

But it's not his brother, if it was his brother I'd agree with you, but also iron out time-frames etc.

It's a whole family moving in. The dynamics will be completely shifted.

Guaranteed the wife will take over and a whole new set of rules will be made.

Children come with so much clutter.

Then there's "overnight guests" , I'm no prude but I wouldn't be happy with random overnight guests around my toddler....which is fine in my own home.....but what happens if the wife starts having issue with this?

No the dynamics is too much of a shift the OP will be a guest in their own home....nope!!

herbalplants

Sounds to me your brother has been surfing for the last 20 years! No offence. Now him and the wife have responsibilities, surfing no more and want to land here. Do let them in but tell them it is limited offer 6 months let's say!!

spakman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123074046#Comment_123074046

Well personally I'd try to help out family.

Maybe you'd rather tell him to find his own place from across the world and add that stress to him. I'd prefer to help for a few weeks.

I'd be a bit offended if my brother living on his own in a house wouldn't help us on our move home.

deisemum

I along with some friends who lived abroad moved back to Ireland once we had young children and it wasn't for babysitting or free childcare, we wanted our children to know their grandparents, cousins and extended family.

Now as a mother of a son in Australia and I'm coming up to three hours home after being in Australia to visit him if I got a sniff of him wanting to move home I'd be over the moon despite being worried about him finding somewhere to live though as a mother I'd be only too happy to have him stay with me for a short while but I wouldn't expect his brother to accommodate him and his family.

billyhead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123074079#Comment_123074079

Bad idea. Once you let them in, it will be hard to get rid of them. Brother and all he is as the saying goes give them an inch and they'll take a mile.

spakman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123074148#Comment_123074148

that's what you'd do?

rolling boh

Helping out is one thing but family can the take advantage and suit themselves with other members of the family very quickly. Once they are ensconced in your home it could be very difficult and stressful for you to get them to move out .

Bee22

OP, I don't know your personal circumstances or your relationship with your sibling but you might enjoy the company after living alone for so long?

I'd let them stay for a few months if they were guaranteed to have an exit date but problem is I highly doubt they will be able to. It will inevitably blow up. Or maybe not! a risk anyway.

corks finest

is he off his game coming back to what is a 3 rd world country ref our health system ( lack of)

Our overcrowded schools.

One of most expensive countries in the world 🌍

I’d be straight up and tell him he needs to arrange accommodation for his family before he even contemplates coming home,

Sounds unchristian and maybe it is-

But you’ll end up regretting it big time as they’ll never move out

Will be years waiting on a council house,

Will never be able to buy on normal wages.

endofrainbow

It's a guaranteed way to cause a family rift. After 20 years, you don't know each other and certainly won't be the same boys that may have once shared a bedroom. Add a sister in law and child into the mix - a recipe for disaster, not to mention your sanity.

Trampas

You won’t be able to do anything in your house. Things like watching whatever you want when you want are gone. Keep the noise down because someone is asleep. Staying in bed will not be the same. It can annoying at times when it’s your own never mind someone’s else’s. You’re sitting in watching tv some night and it’ll be will you mind the baby while we head out for a meal/drink/cinema. Then your plans could change but they are gone

spakman

Yeah, tell him he's a freeloading chancer who's trying to get a free house. Fck him and his wife and their child.

guard everything you have and don't dare think of anyone but yourself because everyone is out to take advantage of you.

Mrs OBumble

What are the job and alternative housing options like in the area of your house, vs your parents?

What's your relationship with your brother like? It's gonna change either way - all the issues above (which are totally valid), vs being the mean príck with a 3 bed who wouldn't help him out. Which do you think is the less of the two evils, for you.

What do your parents think should happen? eg your mother could be looking forward to being a hands-on granny, and disappointed if they don't stay with her.

Have your brother research what he needs to do to be able to prove habitual residency has moved from Oz to here (closed bank accounts etc), so he can sign on for Welfare and the council housing list from day one, so at least has some initial income.

NB the people saying parents of a 2 year-old don't need much support. Bollox. It's different, but there 's regular childcare, emergency childcare when the kid is sick and can't go to creche or when the mother is sick (in my experience, she will get sick a lot in the first few years, there's a different set of germs on this side of the world), meeting cousins, etc.

Deeec

If it was only for a few weeks then I would say yes to him. But it won't just be for a few weeks - chances of them finding a place to rent are slim. They could be looking at over a year to find a suitable place to buy and that's depending on their finances being good ( which is doubtful).

I would say no straight off. They have a very young child and your house will be taken over by them. There is a very good chance that them living with you will ruin your good relationship. They will be under your feet all the time. Unfortunately you have to be selfish

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123074177#Comment_123074177

It sounds like the OP has been living alone happily and by choice for 20 years. Adding one other person into that dynamic would be a huge adjustment, let alone a family of three. I almost killed my parents when I had to move home after my rented house was sold, and I'd only been living alone for the last 6 months of that. Not to mention the fact that the OP's house is highly unlikely to be suitable for a 3-year old, and he shouldn't have to child-proof his space and have to rearrange what I assume is very much his sanctuary to accommodate his brother.

Princess Calla

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123074197#Comment_123074197

The brother has joined the thread 😂 😂 😂

Allinall

Wind up thread.

LambshankRedemption

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123074181#Comment_123074181

I'm wondering the same. I've been trying to get a GP appointment for a year now. I keep getting told the same thing "We are not taking on new patients right now".

Eleven years ago I took out a lease on a 1.5 bedroom apartment in South County Dublin for 1200, which at the time I could just about afford. Today it is on daft at 1950.

So my first question for the brother is, does he have in the region of 4k spare for a first months rent and deposit on an apartment.

I think the brother will say "Yes, but we thought we could save money by staying with you". Which doesn't really answer the question. They will need to move out at some point. Do they have that money to hand or available? If they don't, it could take quite a while for them to save up that money.

Also, if he has been abroad for 20 years, he may not have enough PRSI stamps to get job seekers allowance. Please make him aware of that.

NB the people saying parents of a 2 year-old don't need much support. Bollox. It's different, but there 's regular childcare, emergency childcare when the kid is sick and can't go to creche or when the mother is sick (in my experience, she will get sick a lot in the first few years, there's a different set of germs on this side of the world), meeting cousins, etc.

That's presumably directed at me. I said they shouldnt need that much support and I italicised the that. Yes, of course, they will need help. I wasn't suggesting they dont, but after 20 years in Oz they should have a healthy friends network to help with that. Swapping that network to go home to Ireland, with no jobs and no home to live in, suggested to me there is something else at play here.

tabby aspreme

If they have been together 20 years and living in a booming economy like Australia and don't own a house by now, there never going to afford one in Ireland with no job qualifications

Princess Calla

Just thinking about this further.

There's something that happens to time when you are a parent , but days turn to weeks to years faster than ever before . So if they say 6 months it will be a year...just because life....they may have 100% great intentions but very doubtful it will happen in whatever timeframe they think it will.

The child is 3 so potentially starting ecce in September....some parents are extremely fond of playdates ...so potentially on Saturday you'll have extra lil people in the house.

It also brings in the child is now "settled" with a peer group and I'd bet the farm the line will be " oh we want to buy in this area as "Kylie" has made such great pals and I've a mum network"...but there will never be a suitable house or they'll be out bid....there will be something. Before you know where you are the child will be in primary school.

Then as another poster has said and I've been the victim of this myself " are you up to anything...oh Kylie is asleep ...we're just going to nip for a pint you don't mind do you" or my personal favourite "we're going to get a chipper do you want anything...ok will you watch Kylie while we spin down ...an hour passes and you ring them...oh we just slipped in for a pint" so you're now feckin starving and feeling like a total mug.

Then don't underestimate the amount of laundry small people generate...so you'll probably need a rosta for the washing machine/clothes horse...that will get old very quickly.

My advice let them move in with granny...offer the box room /attic for storage to save them paying storage and cluttering granny's house. If you have the funds maybe offer a month or two rent in cash...just to get them on their feet.

Then close the door, make a coffee and enjoy the quiet of your home!!!

Buddy Bubs

The brother may not want to stay there forever either, he has only hinted at moving in.

Unusual move coming home and the story about her parents being separated and living in different part of Australia doesn't really carry much weight as regards support network. 2 people should be able to manage anyway without the drastic move of crossing the world. Not saying it isn't tough work, it is, but it's manageable.

What are the chances of just moving in with your parents, that sounds like a more natural support network with grandparents than a single uncle.

...Ghost...

OP, take it from someone who accommodated a Brother, his Wife and 2 kids when I had a Wife and 2 kids of my own. DON'T DO IT!!!

He lived abroad for a decade and returned for various reasons. The dynamics changed right away. They argued a lot and my Bro suffered MH problems. How they raised (or didn't) raise their kids got on our nerves big time. It was months and months of hell, as they arrived with a lot of stuff, but not a penny saved. That was 15 years ago when there was plenty of properties available to rent for peanuts!

KaneToad

The obvious solution is to tell brother that he can't move in with you. You have lived alone far too long and don't feel comfortable with additional people moving in.

Then offer to do as much as you can to find him a place to rent. It will be a big help to have someone doing this "locally" for them. If you were able to, it might be nice to offer to pay their first month's rent as a welcome home present.

The upshot of this approach is that he is in no doubt that he can't stay with you but that you are being extremely supportive in other ways. If this isn't good enough for him and the relationship deteriorates - it'll be a relief to have dodged a free loader.

RichardAnd

Personally, I wouldn't enjoy this at all. Obviously, if they were homeless, I wouldn't turn my brother and his family out, but a living situation like this would drive me mental. I too live alone in a 3-bedroom house, and whilst it feels too big for me alone sometimes, having a whole family in here would very quickly make it feel very small.

con___manx1

I can't believe the amount of people who say don't let the brother move in.

He is your brother after all. I'd make sure and give him a timeline tho maybe 6 months as it will be difficult for them to find there feet. My own brother lives in australia and my father isnt well so hes been home a few times in the last year for month stays and he stays with me. He his coming back with his other half again in may.

If not 6 months even 3 months would be OK. You just can't shaft your own brother and his family.