Celebrating Christmas - should I?

Pinkchick03

My grandad died in september - is it true that I shouldn't celebrate christmas?? Mum said she isn't sending Christmas cards this year (which she usually does every year) does that mean she isn't celebrating Christmas?

Sleepy

Of course it doesn't. Does your Mother really think that your Grandad would all want you to be moping around? Assuming ye had a normal family relationship I think it's safe to say that your Grandad would much rather that ye had a normal, happy Christmas.

galwaydude

its the same in our house, my gran died in september and as a mark of respect my mum isnt sending out any xmas cards.I think its always been like this but in saying that they will have a great xmas.I know i definately will as i will be in bosten over the xmas period wohoo!!!

seamus

Never heard of that one.

There are all these weird traditions in Ireland for this kind of stuff, and I don't know why people bother.

If it was me, I wouldn't want people to be solemn and feel guilty about celebrating Christmas, particularly if I'd been dead three months. I'd want them to go out, get locked, have a laugh, and remember all the good Christmases.

ixoy

I'm puzzled as to how it's a mark of respect to honor your grandparent as a solemn, killjoy? I doubt they're like that. Now maybe your Mum - I'll assume it's her Dad she lost - is upset, but that's no reason that you can't seek to honor Christmas, and his memory, in the way that you think is best.

Tusky

That is the most old fashioned horrendous and ridiculous way of paying respects to someone who has died.... Not having fun is a sign of respect ? pffft.

skywalker

Tusky wrote:

That is the most old fashioned horrendous and ridiculous way of paying respects to someone who has died.... Not having fun is a sign of respect ? pffft.

exactly. plus not celebrating christmas makes baby jesus cry

Pinkchick03

I intend to Celebrate Christmas and I think my mum does too - just think she doesn't feel like she should. Its really annoying really she won't talk about how she is feeling about the whole situation. I always ask if she's ok and she says yes. It is her dad that died yes. He was very sick so it is a release he is in happier place

penguinbloke

It's the first christmas and so major family related event to happen since he died and so she probably just couldn't be arsed celebrating as she feels it is just going to bring back memories, the other side is she might just not be looking forward to getting replies from people who are sending their condolences and feel that if she doesn't send cards she won't get as many.

The only way to get through it is to just take it like any other christmas, and then possibly go for a trip to the graveyard to pay respects. Let your mother cope with it at her own pace and she'll soon be back on the trolly.

galwaydude

its just the way she was brought up, in saying that she aint sending out any xmas cards just for this year but thats not saying she wont have a great xmas.Its just the way it is her mom was like that too so why should she change.Its kinda nice as im sure she is still grieving for her mom.So plz dont say its silly cause its not.

Pinkchick03

Awww you are soooo nice!! Thank you GalwayDude! I have a bit of a cry now and then about Grandad but have to keep reminding myself he isn't in pain anymore. My cousins read out a really nice poem at the funeral to the jist of " Don't stop talking to me just because I'm not around, talk to me like you would normally" It was really really nice and quite emotional. This whole grievance thing is strange for me - I am fortunate in that he is the first person in my immediate family that has died that I remember (my uncle died when I was 2)!

Kêrmêttê

It's an extremely old tradition in this country that the Christmas following the death of a family member no on in the family sends out Christmas cards, puts cards around the house, visits other family (they're sposed to come to the bereaved family) etc.
It's extremely out dated and I've only heard of very elderly following this tradition recently.
Some people like to follow through on it though as a mark of respect.

It's all a load of arse if you ask me.

Pinkchick03

Kêrmêtt&#234 wrote:

It's an extremely old tradition in this country that the Christmas following the death of a family member no on in the family sends out Christmas cards, puts cards around the house, visits other family (they're sposed to come to the bereaved family) etc.
It's extremely out dated and I've only heard of very elderly following this tradition recently.
Some people like to follow through on it though as a mark of respect.

It's all a load of arse if you ask me.

Thats not nice!

Kêrmêttê

Pardon me Pinkchick03. What I meant was that it was a stupid tradition. A deceased family member most likely wouldn't want their family moping about all depressed at Christmas... they should be celebrating and coming together as a family... stopping sending christmas cards and visiting relatives just doesn't make sense to me.

I don't think it's right that people should feel oppressed by these outdated traditions. This one for instance is a bit cruel imo. Christmas should be a time for coming together, not isolation.

Pinkchick03, I hope you and your family have a nice Christmas this year .

mayordenis

have to agree with kermee but the thing is for everyone its different, this is just my opinion but it seems that your mom is having a reasonably hard time greiving and you probably need to be there for her especially around the time of a holiday. Christmas will come and go.